While visiting down South this past Thanksgiving I had time to enjoy the company of my family, and hear lots of stories, although some I've heard many times before, but fascinating still, and share in the psychological communion that is present between family members. The most delicate relationships that anyone has are with their family members. The reason is that there is so much history and emotion involved that the relationship has more at stake than any other one that can be manufactured. You are connected to the family history whether you know all of the players or not. Often you can see yourself in the eyes of people in a photograph 30 years before you were born, and if you look closely you can see your mannerisms present in both the men and women that you may have just met for the first time. It is both gratifying, and eerie at the same time, as we seem to see ourselves, our parents, our siblings, and all of our history mirrored right before us, and staring at us asking us to be connected yet develop our own identities. When we try to achieve those things sometimes there is disruption, bickering, confusion, and anger all within the circle that is supposed to be full of unconditional love and solidarity.
Within everyone's family there are caretakers and thieves, hard workers, and freeloaders, success stories, and abject failures, Those who speak the truth, and blatant liars, diplomats, and trouble makers, and those who forgive incidents, and those that will never live an incident down. The characters that reign throughout all of our families are vast, and make us go through the range of emotions from absolute love to a teeth grinding hatred. I would love to say that I absolutely get along with everyone in my family, but I would be a hypocrite as there is a relative that I have purposely decided as of now to never speak to again, and I don't lose sleep over it, and I'm sure that relative doesn't lose any sleep either.I am not proud of this aspect, but I understand how it got to this point, and I have decided to let it stay where it is. This is the deep fragile type of relationship that I am referring to when it comes to family, because sometimes that type of thing can split a family into different camps and factions, and before you know it, what was once the center of the family is now undetectable and broken, and then there are different reunions, different places of gathering for the holidays, and different everything until it morphs itself into different families altogether, and not one unit.
The problem with individuals in the family is that everyone wants to be a part of the history, or claim the historical aspect for their own purposes. I don't care who you are in this country, everyone, and I mean everyone has a rich history. Whether your relatives were born here, or came here from overseas, the rich history of this country is in its individuals, and their individual contributions whether those contributions be great and noteworthy, or just outright despicable, the history of this country is in all of our individual families. People want to feel connected to a history of any sort sometimes, and family is often the closest that we can get to the feeling that we are imbedded in the tapestry that is that powerful word: "History". So when family members mess up, cause trouble, don't get along with one another, or break the family circle in the quest for their own individual agenda, we often feel like they are taking a piece of history away from us, and rewriting their own version.
But Family are often the only people that we have the desire to place trust in, because they sometimes seem to be the only thing that separate us from being alone in the cold world. You need them, and sometimes they need you, and there are often times when they annoy you to no end, and baffle the crap out of you, but when you stop and really think about it, the truth is that they are you in some form. If you are annoyed, then possibly there are people who feel that way about you for the exact same reasons. Families are reflections of us, good and bad, and if we learn to accept both aspects, we can understand our own history, and how to replicate the good, and not duplicate the bad. The ties are deep and give our hearts plenty to be joyful about, or if there is angst, plenty of weight on our necks. But for better or worse, your family is part of your connection to the past, and often a sneak peek into the future.
If you love your family, take plenty of pictures, listen to plenty of stories, and receive plenty of wisdom. Precious times are fleeting times, and valuable moments in life are usually filled with characters from your family. Perhaps one day you will be the elder who is dishing out wisdom, or relaying a laughter filled tale, or you will be the bridge to someone who wants to know the history of the family. A person's confidence on this earth is usually depended upon just how valuable they feel in the scope of things. A well grounded family who knows that history, can give that confidence, and provide you with a niche..Even when the rest of the world doesn't seem to have a place for you.
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