Character Factor: Learning the language of vinegar

Everyone knows of the saying, "You get more bees with honey than with vinegar". And for the most part it is absolutely true. Most people respond to niceties, politeness, and constructive dialogue to solve an issue. People want to be respected, and if you are going to deal with people in different situations, there has to be a mutual semblance of respect from both sides. The foundation for folks who are great with people begins with giving the person that you are dealing with the feeling of being respected, even if it is an illusion. Producing the honey involves sometimes being empathetic to their situation, making them feel comfortable, and reasoning with them if there is a disagreement. All of these things produce the feeling of respect, and if they feel respected, they will more than likely respect you, and compromise on some sort of solution which will in turn benefit the whole situation. It really doesn't take a great deal of energy to be a nice person who reasons with other people to turn a disagreement, or problem into a harmonious coexisting workable project. As I said, most people want this.

There are many bees out there though who do not care for honey at all. They are rude, demanding, self centered, and disrespectful to others, and have a tendency to only be proactive to situations that benefit them. They have no real concern for others, and situations that require tact and subtle constructive confrontation become all out bombastic displays of drama, and argument, and it all stems from them believing that it is all about them. Most people such as this go through life unable to have a productive relationship with either their own relatives, their own revolving door of significant others, or their own children for that matter, because once again the self absorbed nature of how they see the world which revolves around them, makes everyone else in their eyes unimportant unless of course they need something, or can benefit from a person doing something for them. When that person's usefulness is up, they are no longer needed in their eyes, and the dismissal begins. These folks become very bitter in life, and always think that they have never gotten anywhere because someone has always gotten in their way, or was out to get them. They tend to develop resentments towards all kinds of folks, even their own parents, siblings, or children because they think that someone else is getting, or has gotten the attention or rewards that they should have gotten.

Now comes dealing with these folks..... They are not reasonable like regular folks because of all of the things stated above. That is why if you have a desire to deal with these individuals, you need to become someone else just for those occasions. Most people are real, and deal with folks how they want to be treated, but when dealing with these particular individuals, you have to turn on a character. One who speaks their language, and caters to their understanding of the world. Unfortunately the character that you must become is one that is harsh, blunt, and unforgiving in your approach to what needs to be said, and the language needs to be the "language of vinegar". Why? because the niceness of the person that you want to be does not work with them. Killing them with kindness only makes them "Poke the bear" a little harder, and try to run over you in their efforts to keep the sun revolving around them. Becoming a character just for such individuals like this allows you to now approach them and respond in their language which is not what they are used to at all. They are used to people coddling them, or being afraid to piss them off.  The character that you have to create is fearless of these individuals and will not back down, and will even engage in theatrics to get the point across. This has to be done because some bees like vinegar, and the language of vinegar, and the only time they will back down and respect you is when they know that they cannot bully you, and in fact feel that they might be in turn bullied by you instead if they don't knock off the crap.

Now this character technique may not work the first time because that person may have some hissy fit, and pretend to be offended, but when dealing with them stay in character, because they will eventually need you for something. And when they need you, you have to lay down ground rules in their language to maintain the fact in their minds that you will not be pushed by their idiocy. The language of vinegar is a tough language to learn for nice people whose credo is to treat folks the  way you want to be treated, but dealing with some folks this way is absolutely necessary or you will get frustrated in the process of dealing with them. Of course the best remedy is to not deal with them at all, but learning this language is a good thing because Nice folks sometimes do finish last, right behind the ornery bastards that put them there.

The best thing you can possibly do is identify who these folks are, and decide that if you are going to deal with them, then figure out your character, and perfect it, and bring that character out when you need it. Bullies 99% of the time will always back down, and that's all these folks are. Bullies with no self esteem of themselves so the act of projection onto others is a lifelong mission. If they start a fight, then you finish it..Your way. Trust me, it will work, because one of two things will happen. They will leave your life, which is no loss most of the time...Or they will start to respond to honey, because they know that your vinegar is stronger than theirs. Either way, the less you have to pull that character out, the better. But when you do have to pull that character out, and speak the language of vinegar......Honey watch out!