The first line at the beginning of any apology, argument, or misunderstanding usually begins with, "But I thought......"
The conversation was about speaking ones mind, and informing others where you stand, and finding out where they stand. No one reads minds, and no one should have to. Speaking ones mind is actually an art unto itself because speaking your mind requires you to know what is actually on it, and how you want to come across when it's revealed. There are too many people who are brash, awkward in dealing with people and say inappropriate things constantly, hurt others' feelings, and piss people off, and they use the excuse of, "Well I just speak my mind." That is a form of laziness and the worst part is that they get away with it, and even rewarded for coming across as honest and real. No you can't go through life without annoying some people, hurting some feelings once in awhile, or being misinterpreted, because sometimes the level of sensitivity in some is ridiculously high, and there are times where you will obviously be misunderstood. But you can be smart when articulating your feelings intelligently, and get your point across, and not just being a lazy individual who doesn't know what to say, so just blurts anything off the top of their head. Sometimes speaking your mind requires thought, and asking questions not only of the other party, but of yourself, and being prepared for answers that you don't like or are ready for. But the one thing that you can count on is that guessing and not knowing something can be torture, and can create many more problems than just flat out asking and knowing. Once you know things, you can not only respond, but make informed decisions about just what your options for something are. There is only one word for that feeling....Power
We as human beings are always walking contradictions with ourselves and our beliefs, and our wishes are sometimes polar opposites of what we say. That is normal in some fashion because most of us reading this have been reared in societies that are industrialized physically yet the moral codes that we are told to adhere to are based in the spiritual. So we are constantly at war with ourselves because sometimes those two worlds constantly contradict one another in order for us to function in society. It is very easy to say something powerful in belief, yet the next moment perform a task, or engage in activities that completely erase all that was said moments before. The problem lies when people don't realize this, or acknowledge it, and then ramble on a tirade while getting upset when someone calls them out on it. Then the defensive walls come up, and words are spouted with no thought whatsoever to the tune of, "Well I just speak my mind".
The art of speaking your mind acknowledges that there may be some flaws with what you say, but here it is, and it can be discussed. If you want something, then you have to say it, and perhaps expect the consequences of either not getting it, or realizing that it is not really what you wanted at all after you do.
The true power comes from taking control of the situation either way. Being proactive is much easier than being reactive because you set the tone, and if you are smart, the tone is geared towards a productive solution. What that actually means is just being prepared for a response. We as people sometimes ask questions, and then get annoyed at the answers given. That is not fair at all. When that happens, you have just given yourself the power of asking a question, you then take that power away by annoyance, and negative reaction. You don't have to like an answer completely, but it makes sense to accept it since you asked. And since you asked, and got an answer there is no more guess work involved. No more guess work means moving on to either the next equation of the problem, or to something else. And of course the end result and win/win is just good communication by the parties involved. The reason I digressed a little was to point out the fact that sometimes we actually feel powerless because we really don't know what we want, yet we want to say something, or anything to get some ball rolling...Or not. That is the way we humans create miles of confusion, because of our inner contradictions.
There are many idiots out there whose sole purpose is to spout and regurgitate whatever they hear from others without any thought of their own. It's like someone said something, and behind them is that person saying, "Yeah...what he/she said" Speaking your mind requires one to have a mind, be thoughtful about what they would like to say, and execute it. Also the power comes from picking the proper spots to execute, because it's not a requirement to speak ones mind all of the time, but it is sometimes more wise to listen to others or watch their actions to make an informed decision about whether to even bother or not. A waste of energy is sometimes more draining than the process of guessing about something, or preparing to thoughtfully state what you have stored.. The bottom line is that people need to communicate with one another. Whether it be marriages, work relationships, friendships, or just human beings coming in contact randomly with one another, the idea is to often take the guess work out of communication. It's amazing how many problems are perpetuated, and compounded by the fear of "mind speak." Your terms or conditions for dealing with anyone should be in a nutshell, "I need to say....", or "I need to know..." Then you have power, and power means control. I'm not saying that one needs to control others, but one definitely needs to control what they can control which is their own action, and reaction.
When we guess, all kinds of problems occur and confusion happens when someone didn't ask, and someone didn't find out something.When we understand the constant contradictions, and complexities of how us human beings work, we can take the guess work out of the equation because we understand that something is bound to be misunderstood. I have personally been in many situations where communication didn't happen, and at some point I was probably a big part of the problem in many ways, and if I live long enough, I will be a big part of another communication issue. That is just a given as we go through life. But whether I am or not, I do make a great effort to say what needs to be said and nothing more. Then I can be in control of the gathering of information for my next move. Life is definitely a learning pyramid everyday, and for some, that pyramid is upside down and will topple over because they never learn their own power. And most of that power comes from the act of saying what is on their minds. Think carefully, speak easily, and listen intently. Doing those 3 things will make communication in life much easier, for everyone involved, especially yourself.
"I've got the power" is not just a chant in some rap tune..It's the truth for all of us.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Friday, June 8, 2012
Four On The Floor: The basic traits of human quality
I had the pleasure of getting into a conversation with a local business man right down the street from me. We happened to just be shooting the breeze about his lack of time to go anywhere else, but at his place of business. He was hoping that would change soon, because he was going to be hiring someone to come in and work some hours, and would have to train them before he felt comfortable just leaving for a night out with his wife. We started to talk about the aspects and traits of quality people. We managed to create a list of just four strong characteristics that he or anyone would be looking for to train or deal with. He stated that if a person had just those four valuable traits, then that was good enough for him to work with. Not 20 traits, not even 10 traits. Just 4 simple things that make a person worthy of not only effort, but make them a worthy individual period. as I walked home, I thought back on our conversation, and about those 4 traits that he was looking for, and I realized that those traits are not just traits that one envisions someone having for a business, or job prospect, but those traits are universal in what we should strive to be, and expect from the people we associate with. Too many times we as people accept behavior from other people that is substandard to just acceptable behavior. No one has to be a saint, or perfect, but have a raised bar for what you will accept out of people you deal with. In my conversation with the gentleman, the consensus between both of us was that if you apply these traits to yourself, and expect them from others, then your tolerance for nonsense will be lowered, and your situations around you just might be better, because you are dealing with a better range of behavioral nuances. Now these traits are not the end all be all of good human quality, but if one has these traits then it makes it easier for everything else to fall into place.
1) Reliability:
As it applies to work, reliability means just showing up on time every day. But surprisingly some folks have a hard time with that one thing. If one can't show up every day on time, then all else can't possibly matter, because that is a basic requirement for having a job. I have overheard people who are habitually late say things like, "But I've been here on time for a week straight". The usual response to that, I am happy to say is, "So what..That's what you're supposed to do..Do you want a medal?"
As reliability applies to regular life, all anyone asks is that someone does what they say they are going to do. And if they can't for some reason, then say that also. Being reliable means being consistent in what you say in conjunction with what you do. If you follow through with doing what you say, then there is no issue with questionable behavior. We are all sometimes walking contradictions with ourselves, but there are people who are just unreliable, and completely the opposite of what their actions indicate. If one changes their mind, then one has the right to do that, but then be honest enough to say that also. If you say that you will be somewhere that someone expects, then either be there, or call, and say that you can't for whatever reason. Don't leave people to twist n the wind. Be a person that someone can count on. It's not as big a burden as one thinks, and the reward is the respect bestowed upon you for your reliability.
2) Trustworthy:
Obviously a thief is not trustworthy, but neither is someone who does things for the sheer reason of what they can get out of it. They will milk something for all it's worth, and then abandon it for another situation that crops up, where they feel they can benefit. Of course the reality is that most people don't do things just all of the time, and 100% out of the goodness of their heart, but there is a difference between people who do give part of themselves to a situation, or people, and an outright taker, who latches onto things for the reason of taking advantage. The only thing trustworthy means is that a person is aware that whatever situation or job that they are in, is interconnected with something else important, and if they do not participate in the connection with care, and responsibility, then the consequences could be awful. That simple philosophy applies in life, and work. When one is trustworthy, people will give you responsibilities, and know that you actually care about them. Plain and simple.
3) Inquisitive:
It's all right to not know something. It's not all right to not ask. No one is the holder of all knowledge, and everyone will make mistakes. That is how one learns and grows. But too many people don't ask something that they don't know the answers to. Especially on a job, where your performance depends upon knowledge of something, but it is perfectly fine to say, "Can you please explain this. I don't know...." Gaining knowledge requires asking questions, especially to those that know more than you about something. There are some things you can't learn in books, and those things usually are in other peoples' heads. So being inquisitive is a very strong trait although some people see it as weak. In my opinion there really aren't that many stupid questions. But there are millions of questions stupidly unasked. So be inquisitive, and learn. Most people appreciate someone who wants to know, because a thorough knowledge particularly in jobs means more efficiency. But again...That applies to life also.
4) Personable:
In layman's terms...Be nice. I am constantly amazed at just how many people have an incredible inability to just be nice to people. Some people unfortunately are just plain miserable bastards, who seem to have one goal..To make everyone else around them miserable. Whether you are having a bad day or not, there is no excuse to be nasty to someone. Life is hard enough to negotiate through for all, but someone encountering niceness just makes the burden a tad easier. Being personable just makes dealing with people easier on both ends because when people don't feel threatened, they will reciprocate with kindness also. It's just a win/win. But those who make misery, and confrontation their agenda, wind up as people that no one wants to deal with. The ironic thing is that the person who exhibits these traits will say that they dislike people greatly, because they feel that people "Suck" or "People are miserable". so they take their anger and issues out on people. How wrong is that? Just be nice. It doesn't cost anything, and actually makes life easier, because you will see that people are in the same boat as you in some respects.
Now as I've said, these are not the end all be all of traits, but they are certainly a great foundation for a quality human being. I stop in this business often, and this gentleman always says something that sparks good conversation. I think that we as human beings have so much to offer one another in ideas, reforming thought processes, and just growth in general. Good quality human beings are sometimes unfortunately hard to find, but they are out there. Just make sure they have four on the floor. With those four traits....Like the Beatles said, "We can work it out." Sounds very simple, and it is not rocket science. but believe me, finding those with four on the floor can be as disheartening as trying to learn rocket science. But keep trying..They are out there, and worth it.
1) Reliability:
As it applies to work, reliability means just showing up on time every day. But surprisingly some folks have a hard time with that one thing. If one can't show up every day on time, then all else can't possibly matter, because that is a basic requirement for having a job. I have overheard people who are habitually late say things like, "But I've been here on time for a week straight". The usual response to that, I am happy to say is, "So what..That's what you're supposed to do..Do you want a medal?"
As reliability applies to regular life, all anyone asks is that someone does what they say they are going to do. And if they can't for some reason, then say that also. Being reliable means being consistent in what you say in conjunction with what you do. If you follow through with doing what you say, then there is no issue with questionable behavior. We are all sometimes walking contradictions with ourselves, but there are people who are just unreliable, and completely the opposite of what their actions indicate. If one changes their mind, then one has the right to do that, but then be honest enough to say that also. If you say that you will be somewhere that someone expects, then either be there, or call, and say that you can't for whatever reason. Don't leave people to twist n the wind. Be a person that someone can count on. It's not as big a burden as one thinks, and the reward is the respect bestowed upon you for your reliability.
2) Trustworthy:
Obviously a thief is not trustworthy, but neither is someone who does things for the sheer reason of what they can get out of it. They will milk something for all it's worth, and then abandon it for another situation that crops up, where they feel they can benefit. Of course the reality is that most people don't do things just all of the time, and 100% out of the goodness of their heart, but there is a difference between people who do give part of themselves to a situation, or people, and an outright taker, who latches onto things for the reason of taking advantage. The only thing trustworthy means is that a person is aware that whatever situation or job that they are in, is interconnected with something else important, and if they do not participate in the connection with care, and responsibility, then the consequences could be awful. That simple philosophy applies in life, and work. When one is trustworthy, people will give you responsibilities, and know that you actually care about them. Plain and simple.
3) Inquisitive:
It's all right to not know something. It's not all right to not ask. No one is the holder of all knowledge, and everyone will make mistakes. That is how one learns and grows. But too many people don't ask something that they don't know the answers to. Especially on a job, where your performance depends upon knowledge of something, but it is perfectly fine to say, "Can you please explain this. I don't know...." Gaining knowledge requires asking questions, especially to those that know more than you about something. There are some things you can't learn in books, and those things usually are in other peoples' heads. So being inquisitive is a very strong trait although some people see it as weak. In my opinion there really aren't that many stupid questions. But there are millions of questions stupidly unasked. So be inquisitive, and learn. Most people appreciate someone who wants to know, because a thorough knowledge particularly in jobs means more efficiency. But again...That applies to life also.
4) Personable:
In layman's terms...Be nice. I am constantly amazed at just how many people have an incredible inability to just be nice to people. Some people unfortunately are just plain miserable bastards, who seem to have one goal..To make everyone else around them miserable. Whether you are having a bad day or not, there is no excuse to be nasty to someone. Life is hard enough to negotiate through for all, but someone encountering niceness just makes the burden a tad easier. Being personable just makes dealing with people easier on both ends because when people don't feel threatened, they will reciprocate with kindness also. It's just a win/win. But those who make misery, and confrontation their agenda, wind up as people that no one wants to deal with. The ironic thing is that the person who exhibits these traits will say that they dislike people greatly, because they feel that people "Suck" or "People are miserable". so they take their anger and issues out on people. How wrong is that? Just be nice. It doesn't cost anything, and actually makes life easier, because you will see that people are in the same boat as you in some respects.
Now as I've said, these are not the end all be all of traits, but they are certainly a great foundation for a quality human being. I stop in this business often, and this gentleman always says something that sparks good conversation. I think that we as human beings have so much to offer one another in ideas, reforming thought processes, and just growth in general. Good quality human beings are sometimes unfortunately hard to find, but they are out there. Just make sure they have four on the floor. With those four traits....Like the Beatles said, "We can work it out." Sounds very simple, and it is not rocket science. but believe me, finding those with four on the floor can be as disheartening as trying to learn rocket science. But keep trying..They are out there, and worth it.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Disciple Of Discipline: Following ones own regiment
As I look at my life as an overview at this moment, one word can sum up how I have lived. And that word is "Discipline". As a child I disciplined myself to read voraciously, I taught myself how to draw with the desire to become an architect, and that was my mission until music spoke to me, and drew me in. When I got my first bass, I put forth discipline upon myself myself to practice daily without any supervision, or teacher, and listened to record after record trying to play song after song. When I got older and first smelled pot, I hated it, and vowed to never let that enter into me, along with any other drugs, and stuck with imposing that discipline upon myself, and I disciplined myself to not drink. I continue my ways of discipline to work out in a gym, and writing, and I impose what are to some, unrealistic standards upon myself and my conduct, and what I plan to accomplish. I am a disciple of discipline, and constantly try to push the boundaries of what I think I can do just for myself. This discipline I believe came from everything that my Grandparents instilled in me. They raised me, and always told me that I could do whatever I wanted to do in life, if I believed in it, and put forth the effort. I will always be grateful for that, because My Grandmother always said to follow no one but yourself, and your instincts. Be the leader of what you want, not the follower of what someone else wants. Be the Shepherd, and not the sheep. Which brings me to the crux of this Blog.
Many people have no structure among themselves. Something rules the roost of their soul, and Whatever it is, seems to always get in the way of something that they pursue. Whether it be health, a hobby, a task that they want to perform, quitting something, starting something, or for some, just functioning every day in life. Some manage to hook up with people who they "follow", and therefore if they follow, how can they ever lead themselves? Discipline takes confidence in one's self that something can be accomplished by perseverance, and patience. Patience is the one thing that is a necessary tandem to discipline, because things never happen overnight, but often people get discouraged when it doesn't. Waiting isn't always a requirement for something to happen, but often patience is. There is a distinct difference because one utilizes an individual's involvement and personal investment into something. Many people sit and wait for something, While others are patient that something will happen because of their proactive involvement. And the discipline that it takes for that patience to happen is crucial to the outcome. There has to be a "Point A", a realistic goal of something, a path to it, and a "Point B" with regimented actions that have to take place in between. The leader is you, as well as the follower, and that is always key.
Besides work, It would drive me absolutely nuts to have to follow someone because of some reason. Mostly because what everyone else does, I can't stand, so why would I make myself miserable by following it, even if the results seem easy and quick? I don't care for trends, I don't care to assimilate to anyone's standards except my own, and I set my standards high, and don't accept nonsense. I sometimes can't understand why more people abandon this philosophy for low standards of behavior, of their friends' behavior, and what they expect form themselves and people around them. That is freedom to me, and freedom is power. When you are a disciple of discipline, you are actually in control of the very thing that you are supposed to control..Yourself. And you will not let anyone guide you towards something because someone else is doing it, or because of the wrong reasons for doing something. There is only one right reason to do something..Because you want to do it for the act itself. I became a musician and took on the discipline for one reason..Because music spoke to me, and I wanted to play it to the best of my ability. Not for girls, not to be famous, and not to be rich. I tell young musicians that all of the time because if none of those peripheral things happen, you still have to have the burning desire to play music. That should be the reason. So the imposition of discipline upon yourself is a desired burden that is personal, and not subjected to change, because of changing conditions of motivation.
I may drive some people nuts with my regiments routines, standards, and my complete disdain for following what other people are doing, but I will have it no other way. I will always be a disciple of discipline, and a follower of no one but myself. Anyone can have this mindset, if they decide to want it. Like anything discipline takes practice, and patience, and a will to persevere at something. Also an understanding that quite probably the best person that has your best interest is you. You can receive advice, you can take pieces of what other people have done, and add it to your file cabinet of what is you, but in the end, evolve yourself, and follow no one. Whatever you want, be disciplined, and make discipline a part of your repertoire of conduct. Be a disciple of yourself, and you will be amazed at the freedom from pressure that you feel, because whatever someone else does, just doesn't matter. You set the trend, you set the bar for excellence, and you let people know that whatever is going on, this is what you're doing because you believe in it, and yourself. So whatever you want to do, or not do, you be the supplier of the discipline, and be patient in your practice of it.
The true reward is you..Leader of yourself...Disciple of your thoughts...Owner of your soul. With discipline, and patience..All of those are possible.
Many people have no structure among themselves. Something rules the roost of their soul, and Whatever it is, seems to always get in the way of something that they pursue. Whether it be health, a hobby, a task that they want to perform, quitting something, starting something, or for some, just functioning every day in life. Some manage to hook up with people who they "follow", and therefore if they follow, how can they ever lead themselves? Discipline takes confidence in one's self that something can be accomplished by perseverance, and patience. Patience is the one thing that is a necessary tandem to discipline, because things never happen overnight, but often people get discouraged when it doesn't. Waiting isn't always a requirement for something to happen, but often patience is. There is a distinct difference because one utilizes an individual's involvement and personal investment into something. Many people sit and wait for something, While others are patient that something will happen because of their proactive involvement. And the discipline that it takes for that patience to happen is crucial to the outcome. There has to be a "Point A", a realistic goal of something, a path to it, and a "Point B" with regimented actions that have to take place in between. The leader is you, as well as the follower, and that is always key.
Besides work, It would drive me absolutely nuts to have to follow someone because of some reason. Mostly because what everyone else does, I can't stand, so why would I make myself miserable by following it, even if the results seem easy and quick? I don't care for trends, I don't care to assimilate to anyone's standards except my own, and I set my standards high, and don't accept nonsense. I sometimes can't understand why more people abandon this philosophy for low standards of behavior, of their friends' behavior, and what they expect form themselves and people around them. That is freedom to me, and freedom is power. When you are a disciple of discipline, you are actually in control of the very thing that you are supposed to control..Yourself. And you will not let anyone guide you towards something because someone else is doing it, or because of the wrong reasons for doing something. There is only one right reason to do something..Because you want to do it for the act itself. I became a musician and took on the discipline for one reason..Because music spoke to me, and I wanted to play it to the best of my ability. Not for girls, not to be famous, and not to be rich. I tell young musicians that all of the time because if none of those peripheral things happen, you still have to have the burning desire to play music. That should be the reason. So the imposition of discipline upon yourself is a desired burden that is personal, and not subjected to change, because of changing conditions of motivation.
I may drive some people nuts with my regiments routines, standards, and my complete disdain for following what other people are doing, but I will have it no other way. I will always be a disciple of discipline, and a follower of no one but myself. Anyone can have this mindset, if they decide to want it. Like anything discipline takes practice, and patience, and a will to persevere at something. Also an understanding that quite probably the best person that has your best interest is you. You can receive advice, you can take pieces of what other people have done, and add it to your file cabinet of what is you, but in the end, evolve yourself, and follow no one. Whatever you want, be disciplined, and make discipline a part of your repertoire of conduct. Be a disciple of yourself, and you will be amazed at the freedom from pressure that you feel, because whatever someone else does, just doesn't matter. You set the trend, you set the bar for excellence, and you let people know that whatever is going on, this is what you're doing because you believe in it, and yourself. So whatever you want to do, or not do, you be the supplier of the discipline, and be patient in your practice of it.
The true reward is you..Leader of yourself...Disciple of your thoughts...Owner of your soul. With discipline, and patience..All of those are possible.
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