The first line at the beginning of any apology, argument, or misunderstanding usually begins with, "But I thought......"
The conversation was about speaking ones mind, and informing others where you stand, and finding out where they stand. No one reads minds, and no one should have to. Speaking ones mind is actually an art unto itself because speaking your mind requires you to know what is actually on it, and how you want to come across when it's revealed. There are too many people who are brash, awkward in dealing with people and say inappropriate things constantly, hurt others' feelings, and piss people off, and they use the excuse of, "Well I just speak my mind." That is a form of laziness and the worst part is that they get away with it, and even rewarded for coming across as honest and real. No you can't go through life without annoying some people, hurting some feelings once in awhile, or being misinterpreted, because sometimes the level of sensitivity in some is ridiculously high, and there are times where you will obviously be misunderstood. But you can be smart when articulating your feelings intelligently, and get your point across, and not just being a lazy individual who doesn't know what to say, so just blurts anything off the top of their head. Sometimes speaking your mind requires thought, and asking questions not only of the other party, but of yourself, and being prepared for answers that you don't like or are ready for. But the one thing that you can count on is that guessing and not knowing something can be torture, and can create many more problems than just flat out asking and knowing. Once you know things, you can not only respond, but make informed decisions about just what your options for something are. There is only one word for that feeling....Power
We as human beings are always walking contradictions with ourselves and our beliefs, and our wishes are sometimes polar opposites of what we say. That is normal in some fashion because most of us reading this have been reared in societies that are industrialized physically yet the moral codes that we are told to adhere to are based in the spiritual. So we are constantly at war with ourselves because sometimes those two worlds constantly contradict one another in order for us to function in society. It is very easy to say something powerful in belief, yet the next moment perform a task, or engage in activities that completely erase all that was said moments before. The problem lies when people don't realize this, or acknowledge it, and then ramble on a tirade while getting upset when someone calls them out on it. Then the defensive walls come up, and words are spouted with no thought whatsoever to the tune of, "Well I just speak my mind".
The art of speaking your mind acknowledges that there may be some flaws with what you say, but here it is, and it can be discussed. If you want something, then you have to say it, and perhaps expect the consequences of either not getting it, or realizing that it is not really what you wanted at all after you do.
The true power comes from taking control of the situation either way. Being proactive is much easier than being reactive because you set the tone, and if you are smart, the tone is geared towards a productive solution. What that actually means is just being prepared for a response. We as people sometimes ask questions, and then get annoyed at the answers given. That is not fair at all. When that happens, you have just given yourself the power of asking a question, you then take that power away by annoyance, and negative reaction. You don't have to like an answer completely, but it makes sense to accept it since you asked. And since you asked, and got an answer there is no more guess work involved. No more guess work means moving on to either the next equation of the problem, or to something else. And of course the end result and win/win is just good communication by the parties involved. The reason I digressed a little was to point out the fact that sometimes we actually feel powerless because we really don't know what we want, yet we want to say something, or anything to get some ball rolling...Or not. That is the way we humans create miles of confusion, because of our inner contradictions.
There are many idiots out there whose sole purpose is to spout and regurgitate whatever they hear from others without any thought of their own. It's like someone said something, and behind them is that person saying, "Yeah...what he/she said" Speaking your mind requires one to have a mind, be thoughtful about what they would like to say, and execute it. Also the power comes from picking the proper spots to execute, because it's not a requirement to speak ones mind all of the time, but it is sometimes more wise to listen to others or watch their actions to make an informed decision about whether to even bother or not. A waste of energy is sometimes more draining than the process of guessing about something, or preparing to thoughtfully state what you have stored.. The bottom line is that people need to communicate with one another. Whether it be marriages, work relationships, friendships, or just human beings coming in contact randomly with one another, the idea is to often take the guess work out of communication. It's amazing how many problems are perpetuated, and compounded by the fear of "mind speak." Your terms or conditions for dealing with anyone should be in a nutshell, "I need to say....", or "I need to know..." Then you have power, and power means control. I'm not saying that one needs to control others, but one definitely needs to control what they can control which is their own action, and reaction.
When we guess, all kinds of problems occur and confusion happens when someone didn't ask, and someone didn't find out something.When we understand the constant contradictions, and complexities of how us human beings work, we can take the guess work out of the equation because we understand that something is bound to be misunderstood. I have personally been in many situations where communication didn't happen, and at some point I was probably a big part of the problem in many ways, and if I live long enough, I will be a big part of another communication issue. That is just a given as we go through life. But whether I am or not, I do make a great effort to say what needs to be said and nothing more. Then I can be in control of the gathering of information for my next move. Life is definitely a learning pyramid everyday, and for some, that pyramid is upside down and will topple over because they never learn their own power. And most of that power comes from the act of saying what is on their minds. Think carefully, speak easily, and listen intently. Doing those 3 things will make communication in life much easier, for everyone involved, especially yourself.
"I've got the power" is not just a chant in some rap tune..It's the truth for all of us.
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