Backseat Striving: Those who can't act, want to direct.

If you search Youtube, you will find recordings that people made of the great Jazz drummer Buddy Rich on profanity laced tirades to people. Someone left a tape recorder running, and upon first listen you would think that the man was an ogre, as he laid into members of his band for playing wrong notes, not playing pieces the way he wanted, or minor infractions like not shaving. Whenever these clips come into conversation, or if they are posted the comments are usually stuff like, "Boy that guy sure was a bastard", or "What a nasty individual", or things of that nature. But the absolute truth is that people are only listening on the surface to what he was saying. He may not have conveyed it tactfully, but the man was saying something very important, and truthful, and if you dig deep into his words, you hear one thing..Frustration. Buddy was basically telling the men in his band an important thing..He hired them. And he hired them to perform a task his specific way, and give their best in executing that particular task. If someone didn't like it, they were free to leave and do  what they want their way, but as long as they were in his band with his name on the marquis, they needed to perform, behave, and look exactly how he wanted them to. He was a man of hard work, and high expectations of performance standards. When someone didn't live up to those standards, it actually broke his heart, because they were not giving what he was giving. You could argue that the profanity was unnecessary but the message to me is crystal clear.

Which leads me to people of the same ilk today. There are folks all around who want to tell you what to do, how to do it, correct you if they think you are wrong, and just plain bitch and moan if you are doing it.Now it's ok to have an opinion about something, and even disagree with the way something is done, but the problem with some people is that they agreed to do something, be a part of something, or collaborate on something without necessarily being the leader of it. They then see that as carte blanche to usurp tasks that aren't even theirs in some effort of control or assertion. What's wrong with this? What's wrong is that the person had ample opportunity in life to perform the particular task, and be a leader, but chose not to. Yet they chastise, confront and disrespect the leader of what they could have led long ago. As I've said before, there are some people who are more afraid of success than failure. They self sabotage themselves, and hide behind the idea that they weren't meant to be successful. Yet they want to tell everyone who will listen just how to do something that they claim they have failed at, or have just never tried to be successful at.

We all have opinions, and that is important, and sometimes those opinions will rub people the wrong way. If you are not rubbing someone the wrong way, then you are what's called a "Pander Bear" going along with everyone on things of belief, in order to not offend anyone. Nobody has any respect for such a thing, and it's really all right to have constructive confrontation once in awhile. But there comes a time when you have to keep your mouth shut because if you want things done the way you want them done, then you have to be proactive and go do it, and not wait for someone to come along so that you can tell them just how wrong they are doing something. Many of us have ambitions, and goals, and some form of leadership skills to a degree. Why not start something, execute something, or be a leader of something that you firmly believe in? For some people it is just way too easy to step into a ready made situation, and critique it, belittle it, or tear it down, as opposed to shutting up and executing the part that they were asked to do.

Before you say "I will do this" really think about things...."Is this the thing you want to do?" Can you be happy doing this?" "Will you be happy taking direction?" "If there is a problem, will you be satisfied to voice your opinion, but not necessarily get your way?" "Do you believe in this?" If the answer is no for any of these questions then don't be a part of that operation, and think about perhaps starting your own, where you can get things done your way.
I have a friend who runs a bar. People come up to him all of the time in the bar with a sentence that starts off, "Ya know what you should do?" They then begin to tell him of changes he should make to his place of business. Before they can finish he says, "Well what do you do in YOUR bar?" They are then speechless, and then confess that they have no place of business..My friend then says, "Well why don't you buy a bar and do that, and then I'll come and see how you do it." That's it in a nutshell. it's ok to have an opinion, but there is a way to not be "Backseat Striving" and tell people what to do, when you have the ability to be a leader yourself, but choose not to be.
This is particularly true in bands, business, households, and a host of other points where a person has an opportunity to lead by example. Now obviously I'm not talking about things such as Governments, or global operations. We all have opinions about those, but not everyone has the means to get within that circle. So we as humans will bitch about the President or something else that we probably can't have a leadership role in, and that's all right too. That's what we as humans do. But I'm talking about the things in life that you have direct control over and can have a direct influence on in a leadership way, and not a backseat chirping way. That is frustrating now, just like it was frustrating to Buddy Rich.

You have the power. Do your thing the way you want,and stop trying to sabotage someone elses operation. Even if you agree to do something, and you become unhappy, just say that, and then leave, but don't Backseat strive, and try to lead a situation when you can't even lead YOUR situation. People will get fed up, and out the door you will go. But the sad part is that these people will be Backseat Striving nomads, and they will be off to the next thing bitching and moaning and sabotaging in some twisted ego driven assertion tour. Good luck when you encounter them. You're going to need to keep your hands on the wheel, as you reach over to push them out the door.