When one officially gets categorized as an adult, I liken it to the christening of a ship. There is the actual building process that took place beforehand, the inspection of whether or not it is ready to be ocean bound, and then the actual ceremony that takes place to officially send it off to its journey. During that ceremony words are said to bless the vessel, everyone stands around to admire what a fine sight it is, and imagine just what kind of adventures it will get into. Once the celebratory bottle is broken over the bow, the ship then enters the waters ready to discover just what it can do, and hopefully live up to, or beyond the expectations set for it. For the first part of the journey it can still see the shore, and if something goes wrong, of course it could make a turnaround for tweaking. There comes a point when the ship is not just on the open sea, but far from any shore in any direction, and that's when it really has the freedom and ability to shine. Life is exactly like that, and there comes a point when you look around and discover that you are on the high seas of life. You are still a powerful vessel, with experiences in battles, and storms. No longer a newly christened ship, with a young crew of thoughts, but far from being decommissioned as a floating museum, or relic.
That's about where I am at this stage in my life. I am on the high seas of life still trying to chart out my own undiscovered waters.Oh don't get me wrong. My life is not some fascinating fast paced adventure like 007 or something like that, but right now I feel like I have grown greatly since the last birthday, and growth means heading for uncharted waters, because growth means learning. And when you are learning, it means you are discovering. There is no shortcut to anything of quality, and growth isn't an exception. It takes mistakes, failures, happy events, painful events, finding out what one is good at, along with accepting flaws, and mostly truth. Accepting the truth about ones self is crucial to being able to learn. Over the years, I have accepted many truths about myself. Some I am happy with, and some are ugly, but they are there and because I accept them, I don't have some painful internal strife happening.
With all of the growth and introspection going on inside, those who know me personally and for a long time would probably say that not much has changed in many years as far as my core behavior. I still like a good inappropriate joke, along with great adult deep conversation. I still do my best to treat people the way I would want to be treated, and I sleep very well at night knowing that whatever I attempted, whether I succeeded, or failed, I gave the best effort that I could give. I still believe in the power of dialogue, and wish that more held the same philosophy, because when you really break it down to its essence, the only thing that separates us is words. I still believe in the power of music to heal and bring people together, and try to do my part in that department. Many will say that I am some sort of Music "Nazi' but I know what I like, and don't like and have extremely sometimes harsh views of the music business, and what I see. That has been the case since I was a teen, and remains consistent in my adulthood. money does not drive my ambition at all. It is fulfillment and happiness which you cannot put a price on no matter how hard you try.
Here on the high seas, I can look back and appreciate the things that got me to this point. I have been married twice, and enjoyed that status when I was in it, but I thoroughly enjoy being by myself now to pursue what I want to do whether that involve music, or sitting and reading. I have been through some awful things in life, and yet I made it through, and can hopefully help others that went through such things. From my upbringing to now, I have remained pretty consistent because of the solid rocks that raised me, meaning my Grandmother and Grandfather. One of the saddest days in my life happened this past year, as my Grandmother passed away. The strongest, wisest, and most powerful matriarch that I have ever had the pleasure to know left me. But what she left me with is what I carry with me now. Sense of self, knowledge of people, toughness, tenacity, pride in whatever I do, how I conduct myself, and respect for others. This is what I try to carry with me over the ocean of my life and occasionally, I falter, but I continue to try my damndest to leave some place better than when I found it, and make things better around me. It's what my Grandmother and Grandfather taught me, and I hope to take that philosophy to my grave. So with my Grandmother gone, and one more storm I had to go through, becomes one more test in life to see just what I am made of. I am glad that I am not made of straw, or sticks, but of brick that can withstand the winds of the high seas. Thank you Honey and Grandaddy.
As another birthday arrives, I am once again thankful for everything. The people I know, the people I have loved, the gift that I have been given, the life that I live, and the things that have transpired to make me the continued work in progress that I am currently. there is so much more to do in life, and so much I want to learn, that I will never live long enough to do it all. We never do. But the idea is to do the best you can do, be the best you can be, and let the chips fall where they may. And that's where I am now at this moment on the high seas..Tomorrow never knows on the ocean of being.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
The Potential Of People: Maddening Disappointment
If you have the opportunity to have a friend that challenges the way you think, then I believe that you should always take that opportunity to the fullest. Someone who takes you to task, and helps you to see the aspects of yourself unfiltered, and naked is one of the most important things you can have in life. Some people never find it, others are very much afraid of it. The reason most people when told they should go to counseling, balk like they are being told to walk a ledge, is because in a sense that is what they are being told to do. They are being told to see the truth about themselves in a way that demands exploration further, and they could be called out for not accepting a facet of themselves that is undesirable or hard to swallow...And they could fall. If one embraces this notion, the opportunity for growth is tremendous, because you are finding out more about yourself, than you could ever do on your own introspective time. So when having a friend, counselor, sage, whatever you like to call it, in your corner you can learn real layers of yourself, and why you may behave the way you do. This can lead you to correcting something, fixing something, or adjusting the behavior as a whole. And that is exactly what happened to me after an intense conversation with a friend.
I had a very important epiphany when engaged in an in depth conversation about the world and myself. Something I didn't really know about myself but when I did discover it, a light popped on, and now other things fall into place. I was talking about the world and I was getting fired up and intense like I do when talking about idiocy, levels of acceptance, and the empty headed behavior that I see all over the place, and finally one question was posed to me: "What irritates you?" After some hack roundabout answer I gave was unacceptable, I was asked to really think about the question, and finally the answer was something that is completely contradictory to my persona. What really irritates me most of all, and makes me in fact damn pissed off is ....People.
This revelation was very strange to me considering I actually thought that I loved people. People are interesting, and beautiful in their own way, but further conversation made me realize I do not necessarily love people,but I love the potential of them as a whole. But that's not what drives the disdain for people. What drives the disdain, and anger toward people that I didn't realize I had, is the emotion of "Disappointment". Not disappointment in petty things like "someone didn't call", or "someone said something behind someone's back". Nothing that small. I'm talking about the disappointment of the behavior of people in this new age of technology interaction that was supposed to bring us closer. I guess my expectations of what things could be was so high, and the potential is so obvious, that I can't help but be completely angry when others don't see it. Potential for what?? For that certain connection between human beings to see others as themselves, to talk about issues to solve them, to act like adults, and spread important information and knowledge. Instead we have become a world of "I'm right, and they're wrong", and cliques, and groups even more than when there was no internet, or even telephones, which are now even more intertwined, making people stupider, and more dependent upon things to occupy their boredom(when there should be none). The inability of people to come together except at tragedies or crisis drives me insane, because after those events are over, some go right back to acting like they never happened., and that instance could have been the start of important dialogue to make infectious to others.
It was pointed out to me that these are things I can't control, and I know this. I can only control my thoughts and actions,and I should worry about just those. And of course someone would ask just who the hell am I to get pissed off at whatever people do? I get that concept completely. I certainly have had many flawed moments in life, and will have many more when I am through, but the potential is killing me. It doesn't cost anything to talk to people about a topic, or discuss like an adult, yet people don't want to spend that. They would rather throw a tantrum, act like idiots, and preoccupy their time in a crowded room of people texting someone who's across the room. They would rather say "OMG" and not learn vocabulary, and call someone some name, rather than expressing themselves in an intelligent manner to get their point across.They would rather spread idiotic misinformation on Facebook rather than take 10 minutes to see if it's true or not. 20% of people are 80% of the problem, but it's a 20% that constantly infects everyone like a pandemic. The potential for just how good this could be is right in front of us, but we have become a society that refuses to dive in because we are lazy all around. Not just physically, but mentally. And I get angry when it is displayed constantly like some tag on a new article of clothing that wasn't pulled off. There are plenty of good folks in this mix whose voices get smothered by the din of babies that surround them, so I am not trying to say that all are like this, but a very thick segment of people get corrupted in the stew.
America has become full of people who can't wrap their head around the idea that we are no longer the center of the universe, because of a combination of us slowing down and others catching up. It should be no surprise because we the melting pot have become so intolerant to other ways of life and we believe that everyone should act as us. Well the world has changed drastically and our ability to communicate on the level emotionally and intellectually with others from the world is crucial to us getting back in the game. But when you have people complaining and prioritizing about their I Phone, when people are starving, and fighting one another about whether someone is coming to take guns away, when school children are slaughtered, how are we supposed to be taken seriously as a people? I certainly wouldn't take us seriously if I was viewing this from somewhere else, and if this stuff occurred elsewhere we wouldn't take those people seriously. We should see ourselves as others see us for a change, but we're much too conceited to accept that concept.There is where my biggest disappointment lies. Not only are we fighting other people in the world, we fight each other for our own self indulgence.
Listen,I am no better than anyone, but I have a specific level of acceptance that I intend to adhere to, and what I like to see in people, and those that challenge themselves and others are the people that I like most, even if I don't agree with them.I have zero tolerance for stupidity in people, and I would love to see people of all races, creeds political origins etc..to come to the table and talk with one another. Yes I am some kind of hippie in my thinking, but I don't see anything wrong with that, yet maybe someone else does. All of the tools are in front of you.We all have the capability to be intelligent adults. Some choose to ignore that fact within themselves. Come together as people, and we will see so many problems go away. It's so easy, and so attainable, that it's maddening to see what actually transpires instead of that.
So my revelation or epiphany is that I am probably not really a lover of people, but a lover of the "potential of people". When someone lives up to that potential that I created in my mind, I am extremely happy for one more that could make things better..When someone doesn't, then it makes me pissed because they are holding the thing up for everyone else. Wrong? Maybe, but that's what I have discovered about myself after being challenged to peel back another layer, and look. It's my flaw for wanting something better than what is. Now that I've found it..Haven't figured out what to do with it...
Process, and peel.
I had a very important epiphany when engaged in an in depth conversation about the world and myself. Something I didn't really know about myself but when I did discover it, a light popped on, and now other things fall into place. I was talking about the world and I was getting fired up and intense like I do when talking about idiocy, levels of acceptance, and the empty headed behavior that I see all over the place, and finally one question was posed to me: "What irritates you?" After some hack roundabout answer I gave was unacceptable, I was asked to really think about the question, and finally the answer was something that is completely contradictory to my persona. What really irritates me most of all, and makes me in fact damn pissed off is ....People.
This revelation was very strange to me considering I actually thought that I loved people. People are interesting, and beautiful in their own way, but further conversation made me realize I do not necessarily love people,but I love the potential of them as a whole. But that's not what drives the disdain for people. What drives the disdain, and anger toward people that I didn't realize I had, is the emotion of "Disappointment". Not disappointment in petty things like "someone didn't call", or "someone said something behind someone's back". Nothing that small. I'm talking about the disappointment of the behavior of people in this new age of technology interaction that was supposed to bring us closer. I guess my expectations of what things could be was so high, and the potential is so obvious, that I can't help but be completely angry when others don't see it. Potential for what?? For that certain connection between human beings to see others as themselves, to talk about issues to solve them, to act like adults, and spread important information and knowledge. Instead we have become a world of "I'm right, and they're wrong", and cliques, and groups even more than when there was no internet, or even telephones, which are now even more intertwined, making people stupider, and more dependent upon things to occupy their boredom(when there should be none). The inability of people to come together except at tragedies or crisis drives me insane, because after those events are over, some go right back to acting like they never happened., and that instance could have been the start of important dialogue to make infectious to others.
It was pointed out to me that these are things I can't control, and I know this. I can only control my thoughts and actions,and I should worry about just those. And of course someone would ask just who the hell am I to get pissed off at whatever people do? I get that concept completely. I certainly have had many flawed moments in life, and will have many more when I am through, but the potential is killing me. It doesn't cost anything to talk to people about a topic, or discuss like an adult, yet people don't want to spend that. They would rather throw a tantrum, act like idiots, and preoccupy their time in a crowded room of people texting someone who's across the room. They would rather say "OMG" and not learn vocabulary, and call someone some name, rather than expressing themselves in an intelligent manner to get their point across.They would rather spread idiotic misinformation on Facebook rather than take 10 minutes to see if it's true or not. 20% of people are 80% of the problem, but it's a 20% that constantly infects everyone like a pandemic. The potential for just how good this could be is right in front of us, but we have become a society that refuses to dive in because we are lazy all around. Not just physically, but mentally. And I get angry when it is displayed constantly like some tag on a new article of clothing that wasn't pulled off. There are plenty of good folks in this mix whose voices get smothered by the din of babies that surround them, so I am not trying to say that all are like this, but a very thick segment of people get corrupted in the stew.
America has become full of people who can't wrap their head around the idea that we are no longer the center of the universe, because of a combination of us slowing down and others catching up. It should be no surprise because we the melting pot have become so intolerant to other ways of life and we believe that everyone should act as us. Well the world has changed drastically and our ability to communicate on the level emotionally and intellectually with others from the world is crucial to us getting back in the game. But when you have people complaining and prioritizing about their I Phone, when people are starving, and fighting one another about whether someone is coming to take guns away, when school children are slaughtered, how are we supposed to be taken seriously as a people? I certainly wouldn't take us seriously if I was viewing this from somewhere else, and if this stuff occurred elsewhere we wouldn't take those people seriously. We should see ourselves as others see us for a change, but we're much too conceited to accept that concept.There is where my biggest disappointment lies. Not only are we fighting other people in the world, we fight each other for our own self indulgence.
Listen,I am no better than anyone, but I have a specific level of acceptance that I intend to adhere to, and what I like to see in people, and those that challenge themselves and others are the people that I like most, even if I don't agree with them.I have zero tolerance for stupidity in people, and I would love to see people of all races, creeds political origins etc..to come to the table and talk with one another. Yes I am some kind of hippie in my thinking, but I don't see anything wrong with that, yet maybe someone else does. All of the tools are in front of you.We all have the capability to be intelligent adults. Some choose to ignore that fact within themselves. Come together as people, and we will see so many problems go away. It's so easy, and so attainable, that it's maddening to see what actually transpires instead of that.
So my revelation or epiphany is that I am probably not really a lover of people, but a lover of the "potential of people". When someone lives up to that potential that I created in my mind, I am extremely happy for one more that could make things better..When someone doesn't, then it makes me pissed because they are holding the thing up for everyone else. Wrong? Maybe, but that's what I have discovered about myself after being challenged to peel back another layer, and look. It's my flaw for wanting something better than what is. Now that I've found it..Haven't figured out what to do with it...
Process, and peel.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Sheep Book: Bumper Sticker because it's quicker
When I first decided to get on Facebook, I thought that the idea was genius, and it would be the greatest thing since the internet was implemented.. I imagined that people from different geographic locations would be able to connect, and learn from one another. I believed that ideas would flow freely between people and the world just might come together because someone in Africa, or Russia, or The Middle East would be able to find common ground with a man in Alabama, or a woman in Maine, or other families throughout the U.S., and finally the world would start to come together because we would see each other as people, and not ideologies, or Governments, or threats. I was excited that people would now become smarter because they would present ideas out there, share some laughter, or discuss and embrace differences with one another. I thought that people would present challenging discussions to one another that would push intellect, and people would take the time to share ideas and learn from one another, writing with clarity, and precision, and that soon the the world might just be better because we would be able to express ourselves and see others do the same, and know that we all are very similar, and be able to identify, and treat each other with respect. I thought all of this would occur, and now I realize one very important thing: I was living in a fantasy world of the highest order when I thought that. Shame on me.
Don't get me wrong, some of that does exist, as seen with creating awareness of benefits for disasters, connecting people in sorrow, making people aware of certain news events, and keeping people who don't normally see one another in contact as friends and families. All of that is a great thing that should be noted and appreciated, because there is some sort of connection there with each other. but the problem seems to be at least from my point of view that instead of drawing us together, in some ways this media is ripping people apart, and created an environment of laziness, isolation, and divisive dissent in ways that I have never seen before in my life. Yes this place could be fun, intellectually stimulating, and a great place to unwind from work, and a place where sharing information and laughter could flow, but there is definitely an aura of stupidity that permeates it now. Stupidity that compartmentalizes people into groups, and dismisses ideas that are different by making people react defensively, to one another, and passively to their own thought processes, and angrily towards ideas that are not like theirs. These conditions turn normally level headed adults into blabbering children stomping their feet in tantrums to get the point across that it's their way or they are taking their ball and going home.
Facebook has become infiltrated with idiocy, share and paste mentality, and bumper sticker slogans that do absolutely nothing except make people have a sheep mentality.Instead of stimulating conversation, they provoke confrontation because most of these stupid bumper stickers are designed for some visceral reaction of anger, laughter, or sympathy, and any dope can grab one and post some prefabricated idea that they had nothing to do with writing or thinking up. Very few people take the time to post something from their own thought process, and ask what anyone thinks. Instead there is the "Honk if you love Jesus" procedure of saying, "Follow me people..Just don't think, follow". I get increasingly annoyed at just how lazy this makes us as people because there is no true thought process for doing this. This doesn't mean that these people are dumb. But it does mean that the action is. The result is the mindless agreement of people who roll with the slogan, or bumper sticker, and of course the inevitable confrontations of people who don't. Setting the stage for butting heads with just clicking a mouse on "share". I am not condemning everyone, because in between the cracks there are some wonderful people who provoke thought and present very interesting things within their posts, such as News articles on things not really known, or particular poetic quotes, or books to read, or wonderful pictures of their families, trips and nature. But those folks are getting to be fewer and fewer, as the bumper sticker mentality takes over. Perhaps it's OK to do some of those once in awhile for fun, but there are segments of people who do nothing BUT that. And those seem to be from the people who have the most to say, but take the least amount of effort to say it. Whether it's a time issue, or laziness issue is not the point. I want people to know my thoughts if I put them out there. NOT thoughts of somebody else with me saying "Yeah that's what I think too!" over their shoulder.
I respect different opinions, and I love to discuss (mostly in person) differences with people because that is the only way to grow and learn. Anyone who knows me personally knows this. And even if we agree to disagree, at least there was the mutual exchange of personal thoughts. Not some idiotic mindless slogan.designed by some twisted Hallmark factory. Whether it be politics, relationships, thoughts on human behavior, or society, why not post YOUR thoughts clearly, intelligently, or humorously, but make them YOURS. I stay away purposefully from hotbed topics on Facebook because people do not discuss anything. They shout, call names, and post these stupid slogans to fire up whomever is with them. We people should be more intelligent than that, and I certainly would partake in discussions more on Facebook if people initiated them with some substance. That is what would create that fantasy land that I was envisioning. people learning, and growing, and connecting with ideas that could make us all better. Instead this turned out to be a cyber world of sheep, copycats, and share whores who don't want to write and discuss their own thoughts just because it's easier than thinking and fleshing out thoughts before writing them.
Am I being brutal? Probably not as much as I want, because I toned this down somewhat. I'm getting tired, and more tired of seeing people behave dumber in a society that is not helping except in the loss of "common sense of interaction" department. If people want to be pissed at me for that then so be it. If stating the truth is going to piss people off, then 2013 is going to be my year to lose quite a few "friends". So "Honk if you have nothing to say" all you want. I may not be on your page to hear it.
Don't get me wrong, some of that does exist, as seen with creating awareness of benefits for disasters, connecting people in sorrow, making people aware of certain news events, and keeping people who don't normally see one another in contact as friends and families. All of that is a great thing that should be noted and appreciated, because there is some sort of connection there with each other. but the problem seems to be at least from my point of view that instead of drawing us together, in some ways this media is ripping people apart, and created an environment of laziness, isolation, and divisive dissent in ways that I have never seen before in my life. Yes this place could be fun, intellectually stimulating, and a great place to unwind from work, and a place where sharing information and laughter could flow, but there is definitely an aura of stupidity that permeates it now. Stupidity that compartmentalizes people into groups, and dismisses ideas that are different by making people react defensively, to one another, and passively to their own thought processes, and angrily towards ideas that are not like theirs. These conditions turn normally level headed adults into blabbering children stomping their feet in tantrums to get the point across that it's their way or they are taking their ball and going home.
Facebook has become infiltrated with idiocy, share and paste mentality, and bumper sticker slogans that do absolutely nothing except make people have a sheep mentality.Instead of stimulating conversation, they provoke confrontation because most of these stupid bumper stickers are designed for some visceral reaction of anger, laughter, or sympathy, and any dope can grab one and post some prefabricated idea that they had nothing to do with writing or thinking up. Very few people take the time to post something from their own thought process, and ask what anyone thinks. Instead there is the "Honk if you love Jesus" procedure of saying, "Follow me people..Just don't think, follow". I get increasingly annoyed at just how lazy this makes us as people because there is no true thought process for doing this. This doesn't mean that these people are dumb. But it does mean that the action is. The result is the mindless agreement of people who roll with the slogan, or bumper sticker, and of course the inevitable confrontations of people who don't. Setting the stage for butting heads with just clicking a mouse on "share". I am not condemning everyone, because in between the cracks there are some wonderful people who provoke thought and present very interesting things within their posts, such as News articles on things not really known, or particular poetic quotes, or books to read, or wonderful pictures of their families, trips and nature. But those folks are getting to be fewer and fewer, as the bumper sticker mentality takes over. Perhaps it's OK to do some of those once in awhile for fun, but there are segments of people who do nothing BUT that. And those seem to be from the people who have the most to say, but take the least amount of effort to say it. Whether it's a time issue, or laziness issue is not the point. I want people to know my thoughts if I put them out there. NOT thoughts of somebody else with me saying "Yeah that's what I think too!" over their shoulder.
I respect different opinions, and I love to discuss (mostly in person) differences with people because that is the only way to grow and learn. Anyone who knows me personally knows this. And even if we agree to disagree, at least there was the mutual exchange of personal thoughts. Not some idiotic mindless slogan.designed by some twisted Hallmark factory. Whether it be politics, relationships, thoughts on human behavior, or society, why not post YOUR thoughts clearly, intelligently, or humorously, but make them YOURS. I stay away purposefully from hotbed topics on Facebook because people do not discuss anything. They shout, call names, and post these stupid slogans to fire up whomever is with them. We people should be more intelligent than that, and I certainly would partake in discussions more on Facebook if people initiated them with some substance. That is what would create that fantasy land that I was envisioning. people learning, and growing, and connecting with ideas that could make us all better. Instead this turned out to be a cyber world of sheep, copycats, and share whores who don't want to write and discuss their own thoughts just because it's easier than thinking and fleshing out thoughts before writing them.
Am I being brutal? Probably not as much as I want, because I toned this down somewhat. I'm getting tired, and more tired of seeing people behave dumber in a society that is not helping except in the loss of "common sense of interaction" department. If people want to be pissed at me for that then so be it. If stating the truth is going to piss people off, then 2013 is going to be my year to lose quite a few "friends". So "Honk if you have nothing to say" all you want. I may not be on your page to hear it.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Shattered innocence: Ripples of tragedy
I thought long and hard about what I was going to write about this unimaginable tragedy, and I almost had something written, but it was what I was thinking so I scrapped it. I then actually wasn't going to write anything, but I have to. I wanted to write what I was feeling, and what I was feeling was truly a mix of indescribable feelings that we all felt. But what I was feeling, looking at the faces of the children slain was tremendous sadness, but also intense anger. And here is why:
When I was between the ages of 5 ad 10, two weeks before Christmas, there was only one thing on my mind..Santa, and just what fun I was going to have Christmas day opening the things that I looked forward to getting. There was a knot in my stomach, as each day brought Christmas closer and closer, until I couldn't even sleep five days before the big event, because I wanted to play with new things, that in my day needed building, like model dinosaurs, or robots, or games that needed to be played with, or new books to read. whatever it was, it was new, and as far as I was concerned, the jolly man in the red suit had something to do with me getting them. I loved the Christmas time of the year, and yes, back then I even loved snow because it added to the whole magical experience of what Christmas was all about. Everyone seemed happier, more loving, and of course as far as my own behavior, I was determined to be as good as possible, so Santa didn't pass me over. It was an innocent time, and looking back on it now, it still makes me laugh, because no matter how grown up I become, or intense my thoughts are as an adult, I can't forget how I felt on those Christmas Eve nights of going to bed at 7:30 so that Santa could see how good I was. And awaking sometimes around midnight thinking that I heard something on the roof. The outside world didn't matter to me. Countries fighting, people getting killed or hurt, bad people walking around..It all didn't matter because I knew that I was going to get toys on December 25th. And when that day came, it was glorious. I think all of us as adults remember those days, and recall not thinking of anything else except what was going to be under that tree when we got up. I thank the universe for those days and the ability to have that innocence. And that is what seems to be bothering me the most about the tragic events at Sandy hook elementary school. Those children who survived, will never have what I had.
What I had was a time of year associated with joy, friendship, love, and laughter. I was bothered all weekend, and am still bothered in the pit of my stomach of just how much innocence was shattered. A child sees through eyes of wonder, and children don't relay or articulate everything that bothers them, because they can't just yet. They can't process it with thought. It comes out in other ways. That pertains particularly to painful and traumatic experiences that are associated with time. All of the innocent children in that school were thinking collectively about one thing..Christmas, and Santa. That's it. I am sure that they were excited, revved up, and couldn't sleep some nights thinking of just how much fun this time of the year is, and many were at the age where they could understand just how fun it was going to be. To not only snatch the life of innocent children and their wonderful teachers, but to snatch the innocence of those children who survived and endured is really the most hurtful thing that I can think of happening here in America in my lifetime.
Although I am hurt, and shocked, and somehow in a daze as the rest of the world is, this focus is not about me. It is not about someone's agenda on gun control, and it certainly isn't about the person that committed the heinous crime, nor about the idiotic copy cats who look for opportunities to garner themselves attention. It is about the collective innocence in that day that was lost forever, and how those children will never despite counseling, despite wonderful love of parents and community, and despite the fact that many weren't in the immediate vicinity, this time of the year for them holds something sinister in their minds that they won't be able to articulate, and process for some time.These are the ripples of tragedy. Many children will have a hard time sleeping, will have a hard time going back to school, and even functioning in school. All because that sense of wonder has turned into a sense of fear. They will possibly feel in danger all of the time, and somewhere in their subconscious Christmas will be a time to be afraid. That really bothers me, and as this unfolds, it will bother me even more.
I don't have children, and there are times when I think that could be my only life's regret. I would have possibly loved to have seen the world again the way I used to know it through the eyes of an offspring. I would have possibly loved to see a miniature version of pieces of myself develop and become a person of their own. I sympathize with the parents who have to explain this tragedy, and who have to reassure their children that they are safe, even though they as parents don't really believe it themselves.It is a cruel world out there more full of people who are unstable than we would like to believe.We have as adults have seen some heinous things reported on the news, and shake our heads at how certain things can happen. we have become hardened in a society that seems to push the envelope as far as what we can take seeing or hearing about. But no one was ready for something like this. A new threshold was crossed, and it dragged everyone over the line kicking screaming, and crying. The only thing I can recall in my lifetime that felt like this was September 11th 2001.
I write this Blog not only to express my concern for these young children, but also for me, because writing is cathartic for me. I could not help but feel pain, sadness and anger just like everyone else, but when I remembered just what it was like for me at their age, it was like a knife in my gut. Children are gone. The ones that were killed have been cheated out of life, but the ones that are still here have been robbed of the inner thing that makes children what they are.Someone's room is empty, and to many parents also nothing will be the same whether it is this time of the year or not. The smile, the laughter, the curiosity, and love of someone's child has been silenced. The innocence of those left was shattered, and nothing is really going to bring that back. And that should sit in the pit of all of our stomachs. I really don't know how some people that this has happened to will get back to normalcy, and I suspect that for many it will not ever happen.
With 9/11, the saying is "Never forget". We should include the day of December 14th 2012 as part of the days to never forget. Because there are many little people who don't understand, that don't have a choice. They will never forget. And besides the tragic event itself, that is what upsets and angers me the most.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
The Language Of Other: Demonizing people 101
In the TV movie"The Tuskegee Airmen" the story of the all black fighting squad who excelled in World War II, as the men were lined up in civilian clothes in orientation before Boot camp, they heard two speeches as they stood in line formation. One from the colonel who was the commanding officer of the program, and the Major who was director of training. Both men were white. The Colonel's speech was very encouraging, and stated that the program to training these "Colored" men would be fair, and that he was confident that with hard work these men would succeed, even though the odds were stacked against them in some people's eyes. The Major's speech was a very different tone. He asked a man in line why he wanted to join the Air Corps. The man's response was "To serve my country". The Major sneered, and his response was " Are you stupid? You people... This ain't your country boy. Your country is full of apes, and gorillas, and Malaria." Racism at its finest. But that response is very pertinent to what this Blog is about because however directly insulting that response was, there even today are subtle versions of that in all forms, that require dissecting if we are ever going to have a society where people are judged fairly, and looked upon without "The language of other."
The foundation for any type of racism, bigotry, or dismissal of individuals in most forms is that language. And the language doesn't have to be a verbal response, it can be a thought process. It is so easy to dismiss people when you have reduced them to a stereotype, or an idea that they don't have feelings like you do, or that they are from some other place geographically, mentally, physically or spiritually that you not only are not from, but would never venture to go. To take the empathy out of dealing with human beings is to reduce them to some alien, or some strange foreign animal that you can't relate to. Therefore it makes it very easy for one to say whatever they choose, without the guilt that you are actually an insulting insensitive person. The mental gymnastics that occurs says. "How can I care, or treat them with respect, when they are evil, and not like me who is good?" This is the twisted way of thinking that creates "The language of other" to the extent that it creates an elevation of ones self above who you are vilifying which then allows you to call names, and be completely unabashed with your condemnation of how "These people" think, feel, live, and come to their perspectives. And I am talking regular folks, not criminals, not bad people, but just "people" within a group, or a segment of folks that in the mind of the language are unworthy of treatment of respect or at least cordial exchange.
The language is a manipulation tactic used in politics, religion, twisted forms of patriotism, racism, and even children's playgrounds where some learn this language early in life.Example: (So and so is fat, so we don't like him/her, and shall treat him/her different) Kids don't stand a chance when they see and catch adults doing it. Turning people into objects to be feared and hated is easier for some than it is to understand or even get to know their neighbor and be empathetic. The language is used primarily to create scapegoat-ism and have someone else take the blame for misfortunes, or to just justify a personal dislike for both individuals or groups of individuals. To dislike or even say unjustifiable things about people you don't know requires justification, or else the perpetrator of those feelings, and language are just seen as ignorant and uneducated (Which those who are smart enough will see as true anyway), but the mental gymnastics done by the person using the language justifies them in their mind. "You should be afraid of them. They are not like you and me" is the inference that is needed to sustain this line of thinking and this language, and it is done way too often in full view of people who refuse to acknowledge it. This language is covert and coded, yet overt at the same time. It permeates the subconscious of those gullible enough to fall for it, or afraid enough to feel that they have no choice but to take some imaginary side for their own well being, and safety. It is definitely fear based, because fear is a visceral feeling that often overrules logic, and rational thinking. When one is afraid, there is the urge to clutch onto a limb. And that limb is usually "The language of other, because what makes one afraid but the unknown. And often other people are unknown, so the fear and xenophobia come smack dab in the middle of rational collective thinking.
In order for us as human beings to respect one another, and take the society that we most of us want, we need to obliterate this language, and call it out whenever it rears its head. It is prominent and more subtle now because it has become unfavorable to use blatant language when demonizing people. That is why it is covert and often accepted as non existent. Being a fan of words, phrases, and how people talk, and have talked in the past, I recognize this language immediately, and I am well aware of what damage it does in the minds of people. The primary engine of racism in this country as well as oppression in different countries is this language. And the reason that people can't seem to come together is because this language keeps us apart from one another in fear and anger that someone is doing something to us to ruin our well being. What really ruins our well being is the inability to speak the language of "together." Which we all over the world are as humans.
I personally am sick and tired of "The language of other" because every time it looks as though people may come together in friendship, someone speaks that language, and others follow. And all of a sudden a fellow human being isn't a fellow human being, they are "Those people". I see this language and hear it not because I look for it, but because it is there like some ugly lump in the rug that everyone seems to walk by as if not noticing. Those Black people, those White people, those overweight people, the immigrants, those Muslims, Those Liberals, those Conservatives, those rich, those poor..Etc. Throughout history, human beings have decided to distance themselves from fellow human beings by using the language of other. All fearing one another and one group blaming some other group in some idiotic fashion instead of understanding one another, and helping each other, and coming together to fight our common enemy, which is ignorance. Human beings' worst threat is their own stupidity. And you would think that in this day and age it would be eradicated, but I have found out that stupidity and ignorance now have even more traction than productive thinking because you can reach more people with fear than with logic.
Someday maybe in a distant future far from here, people will eliminate that language, and deal with each other on some level of sophistication that requires interaction and rejection of coded justification. But until then, we must suffer through, call out, expose and reject the language that keeps us apart blaming and hating one another...
"The language of other."
The foundation for any type of racism, bigotry, or dismissal of individuals in most forms is that language. And the language doesn't have to be a verbal response, it can be a thought process. It is so easy to dismiss people when you have reduced them to a stereotype, or an idea that they don't have feelings like you do, or that they are from some other place geographically, mentally, physically or spiritually that you not only are not from, but would never venture to go. To take the empathy out of dealing with human beings is to reduce them to some alien, or some strange foreign animal that you can't relate to. Therefore it makes it very easy for one to say whatever they choose, without the guilt that you are actually an insulting insensitive person. The mental gymnastics that occurs says. "How can I care, or treat them with respect, when they are evil, and not like me who is good?" This is the twisted way of thinking that creates "The language of other" to the extent that it creates an elevation of ones self above who you are vilifying which then allows you to call names, and be completely unabashed with your condemnation of how "These people" think, feel, live, and come to their perspectives. And I am talking regular folks, not criminals, not bad people, but just "people" within a group, or a segment of folks that in the mind of the language are unworthy of treatment of respect or at least cordial exchange.
The language is a manipulation tactic used in politics, religion, twisted forms of patriotism, racism, and even children's playgrounds where some learn this language early in life.Example: (So and so is fat, so we don't like him/her, and shall treat him/her different) Kids don't stand a chance when they see and catch adults doing it. Turning people into objects to be feared and hated is easier for some than it is to understand or even get to know their neighbor and be empathetic. The language is used primarily to create scapegoat-ism and have someone else take the blame for misfortunes, or to just justify a personal dislike for both individuals or groups of individuals. To dislike or even say unjustifiable things about people you don't know requires justification, or else the perpetrator of those feelings, and language are just seen as ignorant and uneducated (Which those who are smart enough will see as true anyway), but the mental gymnastics done by the person using the language justifies them in their mind. "You should be afraid of them. They are not like you and me" is the inference that is needed to sustain this line of thinking and this language, and it is done way too often in full view of people who refuse to acknowledge it. This language is covert and coded, yet overt at the same time. It permeates the subconscious of those gullible enough to fall for it, or afraid enough to feel that they have no choice but to take some imaginary side for their own well being, and safety. It is definitely fear based, because fear is a visceral feeling that often overrules logic, and rational thinking. When one is afraid, there is the urge to clutch onto a limb. And that limb is usually "The language of other, because what makes one afraid but the unknown. And often other people are unknown, so the fear and xenophobia come smack dab in the middle of rational collective thinking.
In order for us as human beings to respect one another, and take the society that we most of us want, we need to obliterate this language, and call it out whenever it rears its head. It is prominent and more subtle now because it has become unfavorable to use blatant language when demonizing people. That is why it is covert and often accepted as non existent. Being a fan of words, phrases, and how people talk, and have talked in the past, I recognize this language immediately, and I am well aware of what damage it does in the minds of people. The primary engine of racism in this country as well as oppression in different countries is this language. And the reason that people can't seem to come together is because this language keeps us apart from one another in fear and anger that someone is doing something to us to ruin our well being. What really ruins our well being is the inability to speak the language of "together." Which we all over the world are as humans.
I personally am sick and tired of "The language of other" because every time it looks as though people may come together in friendship, someone speaks that language, and others follow. And all of a sudden a fellow human being isn't a fellow human being, they are "Those people". I see this language and hear it not because I look for it, but because it is there like some ugly lump in the rug that everyone seems to walk by as if not noticing. Those Black people, those White people, those overweight people, the immigrants, those Muslims, Those Liberals, those Conservatives, those rich, those poor..Etc. Throughout history, human beings have decided to distance themselves from fellow human beings by using the language of other. All fearing one another and one group blaming some other group in some idiotic fashion instead of understanding one another, and helping each other, and coming together to fight our common enemy, which is ignorance. Human beings' worst threat is their own stupidity. And you would think that in this day and age it would be eradicated, but I have found out that stupidity and ignorance now have even more traction than productive thinking because you can reach more people with fear than with logic.
Someday maybe in a distant future far from here, people will eliminate that language, and deal with each other on some level of sophistication that requires interaction and rejection of coded justification. But until then, we must suffer through, call out, expose and reject the language that keeps us apart blaming and hating one another...
"The language of other."
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
The Matriarch: A tribute
For my Grandmother's funeral a few family members decided that they wanted to say a few words in her remembrance. I decided that I wanted to also. I decided that I would not write anything down, because I did not want something rehearsed or stiff. I wanted to say what I felt at the moment, but I at least decided to pick one word to draw from, and that word was "Matriarch". My Grandmother was an amazing matriarch, and I wanted to say some of just what makes matriarchs and her in particular so special. I can't remember everything I said, but I remember some of it, and now will write it down and elaborate the way I would have, if I allowed myself to.
When you look up the word "Matriarch in the dictionary, the word means "A woman who rules or dominates a family", or "A mother who is head and ruler of her family and descendants". Many women are mothers, and very good ones at that. But it takes a special individual to be a matriarch. That person has to have the instincts of nurturing, the aura of knowledge and wisdom, and the patience to be the mother of more than just her immediate offspring. It takes years to fortify this role. Years of being where you are needed, solving crisis after crisis, and being the mother within the family circle that everyone looks up to, can trust, and feels safety from. Not just those fuzzy feelings are important, but the ones of authority, and identification of being a disciplinarian have to exude from a matriarch. True matriarchs don't have to work at having these things. They just do. Those qualities are crystal clear and sometimes very powerful, as most people under them defer, and often seek out the shelter, comfort, and yes discipline of that person who can give them advice, solace, and unfiltered sound common sense. The hardest thing for Matriarchs to do is negotiate not stepping on the toes of actual mothers of children other than her own, but so strong is their presence that even those mothers stand out of the way, and sometimes often even send their own children to the matriarch when they don't know what to do or say.
My Grandmother was an extraordinary woman wise well beyond her education, and she was a shrewd observer of people. She understood more about human nature, and what people might do or say, than most psychologists, but her gift was her ability to exude a motherly figure to anybody from any walk of life, let alone her own family. She was fearless in her ability to say exactly what was on her mind, in such a manner that people did not feel threatened, and her willingness to talk about any subject was admirable. She just understood that life is for living, and there is no subject that someone should hold themselves from discussing, because information is important, and how you obtain that information is even more important. She talked about sex, religion, the incredible history of her family, relationships, and anything that needed to be discussed she wouldn't shy away from. She once told me that she has always slept well at night because she doesn't bite her tongue, which of course meant telling people things that they didn't necessarily want to hear. I can remember relatives, or other folks leaving in a huff, or overhearing people suggesting that she shouldn't talk like this or that. But in the end, they always came back to the house because somewhere along the line they found out that what she was telling them was correct, and they were usually good after that because they trusted her from then on with any other advice. That is what matriarchs do. They rule not by threats, or by power, or money. They rule by love, and honesty, and trust. She was feisty, forthright, and sometimes brutal, but it was never done mean spirited. You always knew that at the core of what she was saying was love, and your best interests. People felt comfortable telling her the most intimate details of their lives and thoughts, and she didn't judge, she listened. I asked her once if she ever got tired of people calling on her, and being the mother to everyone, and she immediately said, "No it's just what I do. I don't mind at all."
White, Black, old, young, it didn't matter. There were people that needed my grandmother, and went to her, or called her for whatever reason that they needed to talk. She was extraordinary in her dealings with people, and didn't have a blueprint. She just reacted to however their temperament was, and how they as an individual acted and saw things, and adjusted herself from there. She was one of 9 children, and had to care for her sick mother when she was a child, cleaning her cancer sores and changing her bandages, and cooking for the family, and fighting, yes physically fighting boys and girls bigger than her who would mess with her siblings. She had a tremendous sense of family, and was at the bedside of many siblings that died, and assisted the midwife at the birth of many people in the family including myself. She could cook incredible food, she had a wonderful sense of humor, and was always encouraging in every way possible. I once asked my Grandfather to help me fix something and she interrupted by saying, "Why don't you ask me? I can do anything your Grandaddy can do!" And it was true. When my mother needed to go to work to make money, my Grandmother immediately said, "Go ahead..I'll raise Melvin". And that she did. When I wanted to be a musician, she said, "Ok, but do it, and don't mess around."
The lessons that I learned from this woman were invaluable lessons that one could never ever learn in a school. Her nurturing, discipline, wisdom, how her and my Grandfather treated one another as a couple, provided me with more of a solid foundation than I could have ever hoped for. These were people of integrity, honesty, loving, and dignified personalities, who came from nothing, and valued everything that they worked for. They wasted nothing, and never ever bought things just to have them. My love of reading came from my Grandmother's insistence of putting every book she could find in front of my nose. Not just "Cat In The Hat", but complex things like writings by Winston Churchill, and National Geographic were presented to me to read and digest, and she provided me with a dictionary to look up any word that I didn't know. I feel completely blessed not in a religious sense, but in a spiritual sense to have been reared by this extraordinary matriarch, and my incredibly wise Grandfather. I could not have asked for a better upbringing.
It broke my heart when my Grandmother died, not only because I wasn't able to get there in time, but because I feel like the roots and best part of what defines me is no longer here. When going in that house recently my first instinct was to go into my Grandmother's room and say, "Hey Honey, I'm here!" It is a terrible feeling when you lose someone you love so deeply, and who has been such an integral part of your life for so long. My Grandfather was married to her for 55 years, which is longer than I have been alive so he is having an even rougher time. But I know that my Grandmother would want me to be strong, and continue to do the very best of whatever it is that I want to do. And that is just what I will do, because she did not believe in doing anything half assed. Strangely I feel very strong now, and want to make her proud of me, so I am even more focused than ever before. She would want me to continue my efforts to be the best I could be, and look after my Grandaddy, because without those two, I shudder to think at who I would have become, or what my character would have been.
I wish that all who read this could have known my Grandmother, and talked to her. I believe that all who did were left with something better than when they arrived. Like or not what she said, or how she said it, this family of mine was blessed with this amazing person, who loved, who laughed, who spoke the truth, and who made everyone feel like they were one of her children.
And that my friends is what a matriarch's main job is...To make you say to yourself, "I could easily call this person Mother."
And that is what Honey did best. I will never forget my Grandmother..."The Matriarch".
When you look up the word "Matriarch in the dictionary, the word means "A woman who rules or dominates a family", or "A mother who is head and ruler of her family and descendants". Many women are mothers, and very good ones at that. But it takes a special individual to be a matriarch. That person has to have the instincts of nurturing, the aura of knowledge and wisdom, and the patience to be the mother of more than just her immediate offspring. It takes years to fortify this role. Years of being where you are needed, solving crisis after crisis, and being the mother within the family circle that everyone looks up to, can trust, and feels safety from. Not just those fuzzy feelings are important, but the ones of authority, and identification of being a disciplinarian have to exude from a matriarch. True matriarchs don't have to work at having these things. They just do. Those qualities are crystal clear and sometimes very powerful, as most people under them defer, and often seek out the shelter, comfort, and yes discipline of that person who can give them advice, solace, and unfiltered sound common sense. The hardest thing for Matriarchs to do is negotiate not stepping on the toes of actual mothers of children other than her own, but so strong is their presence that even those mothers stand out of the way, and sometimes often even send their own children to the matriarch when they don't know what to do or say.
My Grandmother was an extraordinary woman wise well beyond her education, and she was a shrewd observer of people. She understood more about human nature, and what people might do or say, than most psychologists, but her gift was her ability to exude a motherly figure to anybody from any walk of life, let alone her own family. She was fearless in her ability to say exactly what was on her mind, in such a manner that people did not feel threatened, and her willingness to talk about any subject was admirable. She just understood that life is for living, and there is no subject that someone should hold themselves from discussing, because information is important, and how you obtain that information is even more important. She talked about sex, religion, the incredible history of her family, relationships, and anything that needed to be discussed she wouldn't shy away from. She once told me that she has always slept well at night because she doesn't bite her tongue, which of course meant telling people things that they didn't necessarily want to hear. I can remember relatives, or other folks leaving in a huff, or overhearing people suggesting that she shouldn't talk like this or that. But in the end, they always came back to the house because somewhere along the line they found out that what she was telling them was correct, and they were usually good after that because they trusted her from then on with any other advice. That is what matriarchs do. They rule not by threats, or by power, or money. They rule by love, and honesty, and trust. She was feisty, forthright, and sometimes brutal, but it was never done mean spirited. You always knew that at the core of what she was saying was love, and your best interests. People felt comfortable telling her the most intimate details of their lives and thoughts, and she didn't judge, she listened. I asked her once if she ever got tired of people calling on her, and being the mother to everyone, and she immediately said, "No it's just what I do. I don't mind at all."
White, Black, old, young, it didn't matter. There were people that needed my grandmother, and went to her, or called her for whatever reason that they needed to talk. She was extraordinary in her dealings with people, and didn't have a blueprint. She just reacted to however their temperament was, and how they as an individual acted and saw things, and adjusted herself from there. She was one of 9 children, and had to care for her sick mother when she was a child, cleaning her cancer sores and changing her bandages, and cooking for the family, and fighting, yes physically fighting boys and girls bigger than her who would mess with her siblings. She had a tremendous sense of family, and was at the bedside of many siblings that died, and assisted the midwife at the birth of many people in the family including myself. She could cook incredible food, she had a wonderful sense of humor, and was always encouraging in every way possible. I once asked my Grandfather to help me fix something and she interrupted by saying, "Why don't you ask me? I can do anything your Grandaddy can do!" And it was true. When my mother needed to go to work to make money, my Grandmother immediately said, "Go ahead..I'll raise Melvin". And that she did. When I wanted to be a musician, she said, "Ok, but do it, and don't mess around."
The lessons that I learned from this woman were invaluable lessons that one could never ever learn in a school. Her nurturing, discipline, wisdom, how her and my Grandfather treated one another as a couple, provided me with more of a solid foundation than I could have ever hoped for. These were people of integrity, honesty, loving, and dignified personalities, who came from nothing, and valued everything that they worked for. They wasted nothing, and never ever bought things just to have them. My love of reading came from my Grandmother's insistence of putting every book she could find in front of my nose. Not just "Cat In The Hat", but complex things like writings by Winston Churchill, and National Geographic were presented to me to read and digest, and she provided me with a dictionary to look up any word that I didn't know. I feel completely blessed not in a religious sense, but in a spiritual sense to have been reared by this extraordinary matriarch, and my incredibly wise Grandfather. I could not have asked for a better upbringing.
It broke my heart when my Grandmother died, not only because I wasn't able to get there in time, but because I feel like the roots and best part of what defines me is no longer here. When going in that house recently my first instinct was to go into my Grandmother's room and say, "Hey Honey, I'm here!" It is a terrible feeling when you lose someone you love so deeply, and who has been such an integral part of your life for so long. My Grandfather was married to her for 55 years, which is longer than I have been alive so he is having an even rougher time. But I know that my Grandmother would want me to be strong, and continue to do the very best of whatever it is that I want to do. And that is just what I will do, because she did not believe in doing anything half assed. Strangely I feel very strong now, and want to make her proud of me, so I am even more focused than ever before. She would want me to continue my efforts to be the best I could be, and look after my Grandaddy, because without those two, I shudder to think at who I would have become, or what my character would have been.
I wish that all who read this could have known my Grandmother, and talked to her. I believe that all who did were left with something better than when they arrived. Like or not what she said, or how she said it, this family of mine was blessed with this amazing person, who loved, who laughed, who spoke the truth, and who made everyone feel like they were one of her children.
And that my friends is what a matriarch's main job is...To make you say to yourself, "I could easily call this person Mother."
And that is what Honey did best. I will never forget my Grandmother..."The Matriarch".
Friday, September 14, 2012
Simmer Down Now: Cooler heads prevail, where hot heads fail
As even keeled as I am, I have had moments of complete lack of discipline and restraint. There have been moments where I was quite pissed and lost my temper, moments where I have made rash decisions based upon knee jerk reactions, and made stupid statements without knowing facts. For those incidences I have paid the price of embarrassment, hurt others' feelings, and gotten into trouble that I have had to either talk my way out of, or apologize for. But here is the ironic thing: If I keep living, those things will happen again, because being human means falling into certain traps that humans often create for themselves and fall into. So even though early in my life I made more of those mistakes, as I got older there have been instances, but significantly less of them than when I was young and stupid. Now that I am older and a little less stupid, I am aware that these instances cause nothing but trouble for myself and often others, so with the backlog of what I guess I would call wisdom, I take important precautions to not jump to conclusions and choose to distance myself from certain situations to at least let some things play out, and develop, or more information to evolve before jumping into some hornet's nest of controversy.
I have many friends who are cops, and they tell me that 95% of what they do is dealing with people while handling situations. The situations that are most volatile require one to be well versed in people behavior-reading skills, gathering facts concerning the particular situation, and just good old fashioned common sense. For most of my friends who are cops, the biggest issue for a volatile situation between many parties is someone who just doesn't know when to shut up. That individual usually pours gasoline on the process, and makes the situation not only prickly for the ones involved, but also for the officers who are trying to assert themselves as authority figures on the scene. Usually that individual has to be either threatened or contained, so that the act of tamping down the heated moment, and sorting out information can proceed. It is never really easy because that individual usually has some vested interest in the situation, and wants to assert themselves also. So there then becomes the 3 factions of the ones that know the situation, the ones that are required to know, and the ones that think they know.
We are all guilty at some point in our lives of expressing ourselves in a way that is detrimental to a particular outcome, and in afterthought wish that we could have that moment back to exert better judgment. It should be obvious to us as adults that cooler heads are way more successful at problem solving situations than hot under the collar bombast, but often people just don't learn. Some people habitually insert themselves into situations that they have no business in because it either doesn't involve them, or they are not privy to certain facts that they need to be aware of. Sometimes important information takes awhile to surface concerning something, so being silent would certainly be productive to receiving information, but too many folks can't do that either. Some people cannot help the narcissistic urge to stick their chest out, and claim be the holder of knowledge that they certainly do not have, and that no one asked them to respond to.
We as individual human beings have a tendency to create an imaginary universe in which we see things not as they really are, but as we are, and no matter how realistic we believe our worldview is, there is always a slant that our personality, beliefs, and biases put upon things. It is within this prism universe that the trouble of not keeping a cool head occurs because naturally we believe that we are right, and everyone else needs to fall in line. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having convictions and beliefs, and opinions, but often people open their mouth first, and think later, and therefore getting more heated is a more dignified path of least resistance than backtracking and saying that something was a mistake. There are an infinite number of times in our lives where the best remedy for embarrassment is silence, and the best methodology for volatile situations is just taking a step back for a moment to process information, and assess the situation. The residual bad fallout of knee jerk reactions from people have done more damage in history than can fill up an encyclopedia. Whether it happens on a large scale on a world stage, or a small scale disagreement involving residents and local cops, someone has to have a cool head in order to diffuse potential problems. And in order to have a cool head, one must 1)understand the facts, 2)know just who or what they are dealing with and 3) understand what a cool head is supposed to do. And a cool head's primary objective is to not make things worse. A cool head also has to see and assess all grey areas in between, and not just a world in black and white.
Hot heads will always fail because they are observing and reacting to the emotional "Me" of the situation, where a cooler head will be more concerned about the ramifications of words and actions that concern the bigger picture of all involved. So people just need to simmer down, and take a step back if we are ever going to communicate with each other on a social personal level that we can all respect. Whenever you feel the need to open your mouth, you have to ask yourself a couple of things. "Am I infiltrating this situation to just show off, or do I really have something to offer that is productive, and thoughtful of all parties involved?" Since most of us have some sort of ego to display, the answer may be 8 times out of ten to just show off. So armed with that information, the most prudent thing to do is 3 words: Just shut up.
Even armed with this important information, I often bite my lip raw in an effort to not speak. I'm human. But I'm proud of the restraint that I have learned because it's just not worth it most times.I have learned that cooler heads prevail where hot heads fail, and just shutting up sometimes is the best thing for everyone. I just wished that there were more folks with raw lips walking around.
I have many friends who are cops, and they tell me that 95% of what they do is dealing with people while handling situations. The situations that are most volatile require one to be well versed in people behavior-reading skills, gathering facts concerning the particular situation, and just good old fashioned common sense. For most of my friends who are cops, the biggest issue for a volatile situation between many parties is someone who just doesn't know when to shut up. That individual usually pours gasoline on the process, and makes the situation not only prickly for the ones involved, but also for the officers who are trying to assert themselves as authority figures on the scene. Usually that individual has to be either threatened or contained, so that the act of tamping down the heated moment, and sorting out information can proceed. It is never really easy because that individual usually has some vested interest in the situation, and wants to assert themselves also. So there then becomes the 3 factions of the ones that know the situation, the ones that are required to know, and the ones that think they know.
We are all guilty at some point in our lives of expressing ourselves in a way that is detrimental to a particular outcome, and in afterthought wish that we could have that moment back to exert better judgment. It should be obvious to us as adults that cooler heads are way more successful at problem solving situations than hot under the collar bombast, but often people just don't learn. Some people habitually insert themselves into situations that they have no business in because it either doesn't involve them, or they are not privy to certain facts that they need to be aware of. Sometimes important information takes awhile to surface concerning something, so being silent would certainly be productive to receiving information, but too many folks can't do that either. Some people cannot help the narcissistic urge to stick their chest out, and claim be the holder of knowledge that they certainly do not have, and that no one asked them to respond to.
We as individual human beings have a tendency to create an imaginary universe in which we see things not as they really are, but as we are, and no matter how realistic we believe our worldview is, there is always a slant that our personality, beliefs, and biases put upon things. It is within this prism universe that the trouble of not keeping a cool head occurs because naturally we believe that we are right, and everyone else needs to fall in line. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having convictions and beliefs, and opinions, but often people open their mouth first, and think later, and therefore getting more heated is a more dignified path of least resistance than backtracking and saying that something was a mistake. There are an infinite number of times in our lives where the best remedy for embarrassment is silence, and the best methodology for volatile situations is just taking a step back for a moment to process information, and assess the situation. The residual bad fallout of knee jerk reactions from people have done more damage in history than can fill up an encyclopedia. Whether it happens on a large scale on a world stage, or a small scale disagreement involving residents and local cops, someone has to have a cool head in order to diffuse potential problems. And in order to have a cool head, one must 1)understand the facts, 2)know just who or what they are dealing with and 3) understand what a cool head is supposed to do. And a cool head's primary objective is to not make things worse. A cool head also has to see and assess all grey areas in between, and not just a world in black and white.
Hot heads will always fail because they are observing and reacting to the emotional "Me" of the situation, where a cooler head will be more concerned about the ramifications of words and actions that concern the bigger picture of all involved. So people just need to simmer down, and take a step back if we are ever going to communicate with each other on a social personal level that we can all respect. Whenever you feel the need to open your mouth, you have to ask yourself a couple of things. "Am I infiltrating this situation to just show off, or do I really have something to offer that is productive, and thoughtful of all parties involved?" Since most of us have some sort of ego to display, the answer may be 8 times out of ten to just show off. So armed with that information, the most prudent thing to do is 3 words: Just shut up.
Even armed with this important information, I often bite my lip raw in an effort to not speak. I'm human. But I'm proud of the restraint that I have learned because it's just not worth it most times.I have learned that cooler heads prevail where hot heads fail, and just shutting up sometimes is the best thing for everyone. I just wished that there were more folks with raw lips walking around.
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