We as people lots of times put up emotional roadblocks, fences, and walls between us and the world for one reason. The world hurts. Life and people will kick you in the groin, pull your hair, sucker punch, and trip you as you try to get your footing back. Live long enough, and you will experience emotional heartbreak, feelings of betrayal, depression because of a situation, and general apathy of life, because of something that makes you unhappy. Even the most happy go lucky chirpy individual that you know has probably somewhere in their lives been kicked down to a low point of anger, disappointment and tears. It is unfortunately part of life and some of what we will go through in the process of becoming mature adults. That is if you're going to become mature, because as we all know, many folks seem to repeat the same garbage over and over, and never seem to learn from what they have been through. But since things in the world sometimes hurt so badly, or make us angry, or make us feel like fools, we start the process of construction to prevent it from happening again. And what we construct is a wall or fence around us that doesn't allow much to get in.
The things that do manage to get in are often scrutinized, analyzed, and questioned, and then often thrown out for fear of taking us back to a place that we don't want to be. It is a vicious cycle of self preservation that happens, because the one thing that people never want to feel is that they are suffering. Pain, anger, and the disappointment that situations and people heap upon you is akin to the feeling of suffering. Now there obviously is real suffering in the world, where people are infested with parasites, or their homes being wiped out by nature, and that is real, but emotions can be akin to the feeling of suffering. There is no worse emotional feeling in the world than heartbreak. It can make you feel as though your world is coming to an end, and no matter what anyone says, or what else is around you, you feel as though you are the lowest and loneliest person on the planet. You feel as though the center of yourself has been ripped out and stomped on, and you may even ask why is this happening to you. That is the feeling of suffering. And that feeling takes its toll on your psyche, and your subconscious in ways that you can't even comprehend.
When people say that they are jaded, it really is another way of saying that they are experienced in a particular point of view, where they refuse to let a particular aspect of emotion run their decision making process. They see a particular situation for what is was, is, and what could be, and are neither giddy about it, nor have disdain for it. It exists, and that's it. That is what the wall or fence of self preservation filters out. The emotions involved in situations. It is like an alarm of red flags that alert you to a trespasser upon your psyche, and well being. It reminds you of how invested emotions made you act and feel about certain past situations, and tries to prevent you from getting to that state again. After awful, or painful situations, our instinct of self preservation goes up because the feeling of loss or anger was a complete circle that returned to ourselves. Whatever the situation was, the feeling often times winds up being that it was our fault. So to fix that, the wall or fence will not let you become a victim to yourself again. It will block out the ability for people and things to get in and destroy your well being. It is inner sabotage on the highest level, and it is complex, but it is also normal.
The hardest thing to do is to blow up that fence once it surrounds you. Even the person who manages to open themselves up to the world again, has remnants of that fence, all around them, and it could go up again the second time faster than it did the initial time.
There is no right or wrong answer about self preservation. Everyone has their levels of it, and how high they decide to make the fence is based upon the individual, their experiences, and how those experiences affected them. Life hurts, and people react to the pains of it differently, and to various degrees. Something that affects me profoundly may not bother another individual as much. There are folks who manage to open themselves up to the world no matter what has happened in their lives, and there are folks who will forever shut things out. Either way, those are I believe personal decisions that those particular folks have to live with, but more importantly be aware of. Understanding how we reacted, always helps with understanding how we will react in the future. Those aspects could change, but only time and life will tell.
If you happen to have a fence around you, and you are in high alert self preservation mode where you are leery of trespassers, then I can understand fully. If your arms are wide open to the world, allow things to come and go on your property, then good for you. If someone or something tears up your lawn, and you need fencing...Don't come to me..Mine's being used at the moment.
No comments:
Post a Comment