Monday, May 23, 2011

We Just Disagree: Knowing when to draw your battle lines, or else run out of lead

Nobody is correct all of the time, and everyone has an opinion. You are going to disagree with something you have heard, seen, or read somewhere perhaps hourly in the course of a day. When and where you choose to speak up about disagreeing can mean the difference between a nice day of sharing opinions, and an argumentative day that leads  to a giant headache. As I have said before, it's good to have an opinion about things, and those who don't open their mouth of course can't say anything wrong. opinions are just what they are sometimes. Ideas about how something should be done, ways of thinking, or perception, or a take on observing a particular subject. Often they have facts that are laced within them, and sometimes facts get twisted, reworked to favor an argument, or just blatantly removed, or forgotten. It's going to happen because we as humans no matter what the facts are, will put a slant on things that go towards our opinion. It is human nature, and no one is above it, sorry. If you believe that you are Switzerland, and are a neutral individual to situations then you have already failed. It is human nature to gravitate towards that which you are partial to no matter what the topic, and often there will be a valid point in some of what you say, but it will never be completely unbiased. There will always be some sort of lean, and to accept that is to accept being a human being with a point of view. That's fine, and wonderful, and when chosen properly things can make for very good give and take conversations between adults about subject matter.
One of the keys to keeping ones sanity though is picking a spot to assert your disagreement. There will be things that completely annoy you, and that you disagree with all of the time, and sometimes you just have to let it go. Whether it be between your friends,your spouse, your co workers, or some social network such as Facebook where various opinions hang out, getting sucked in every time you disagree can be  absolutely draining, and straining. Disagreeing takes up so much energy, and often times can be heated, and fiery depending on the topic, and individuals involved. If you have picked a moment to disagree, you obviously have some stake in the topic that you see where you either see a flaw in the idea, some fact that you know of has been distorted to the point of annoyance, or you just want to speak up and be heard. That's fine also, but realize the time and emotion that it actually takes for the give and take to happen, and if you preoccupy your day with those types of interactions, you probably will never get anything done.
Unless you enjoy confrontation, because there are some folks who just seem to live to disagree with folks. If you say it's sunny out, that person will point out that some clouds in the sky make it actually cloudy. They thrive on contradiction, and have decided that their mission is to clash with as many people as possible. They seem to enjoy stoking fires, and even ask folks what they think about a particular subject instead of waiting to be asked, just so they can figure out the angle of disagreement.
The worst thing to do is something that gets done at friendly gatherings all of the time. Take on one of the big 3: Race, Religion, and Politics. Those are the topics that spark people into arguments because they are such hotbeds of opinions, and folks feel strongly about them to the point of going beyond the disagreement phase, and into the argument realm. People intermingle facts, opinions, strong beliefs and what they have heard all throughout those three topics to the point where they are pretty solid on where they stand in their battle lines. Where those three topics are concerned, even with seemingly rational adults, it can go from a nice interesting topic, to a tense disagreement, to a full blown argument in literally less than a couple of minutes, causing the friendly gathering or conversation to be something everyone wants to get the hell away from.
In the interest of sanity, civility, and just overall lack of time consumption, sometimes it is wise to just disagree, and leave it at that. Constructive conflict is good for everyone, but any huge amount of it can be detrimental to the soul. So picking your battles is essential to a nice balance in life of listening, speaking, and opining. If you can find a nice happy balance for those three, then you will find that people have a thorough respect for you as long as you articulate your stance clearly no matter what the sides are. Be confrontational all of the time, and nobody wants any part of it because the end results are bad moods for everyone.
So have an opinion, say it, disagree, and state your case, and the world will turn..But sometimes be quiet, and walk away, and just disagree in silence...And the world will turn also. Words of wisdom...Let it be.

No comments:

Post a Comment