While visiting down South this past Thanksgiving I had time to enjoy the company of my family, and hear lots of stories, although some I've heard many times before, but fascinating still, and share in the psychological communion that is present between family members. The most delicate relationships that anyone has are with their family members. The reason is that there is so much history and emotion involved that the relationship has more at stake than any other one that can be manufactured. You are connected to the family history whether you know all of the players or not. Often you can see yourself in the eyes of people in a photograph 30 years before you were born, and if you look closely you can see your mannerisms present in both the men and women that you may have just met for the first time. It is both gratifying, and eerie at the same time, as we seem to see ourselves, our parents, our siblings, and all of our history mirrored right before us, and staring at us asking us to be connected yet develop our own identities. When we try to achieve those things sometimes there is disruption, bickering, confusion, and anger all within the circle that is supposed to be full of unconditional love and solidarity.
Within everyone's family there are caretakers and thieves, hard workers, and freeloaders, success stories, and abject failures, Those who speak the truth, and blatant liars, diplomats, and trouble makers, and those who forgive incidents, and those that will never live an incident down. The characters that reign throughout all of our families are vast, and make us go through the range of emotions from absolute love to a teeth grinding hatred. I would love to say that I absolutely get along with everyone in my family, but I would be a hypocrite as there is a relative that I have purposely decided as of now to never speak to again, and I don't lose sleep over it, and I'm sure that relative doesn't lose any sleep either.I am not proud of this aspect, but I understand how it got to this point, and I have decided to let it stay where it is. This is the deep fragile type of relationship that I am referring to when it comes to family, because sometimes that type of thing can split a family into different camps and factions, and before you know it, what was once the center of the family is now undetectable and broken, and then there are different reunions, different places of gathering for the holidays, and different everything until it morphs itself into different families altogether, and not one unit.
The problem with individuals in the family is that everyone wants to be a part of the history, or claim the historical aspect for their own purposes. I don't care who you are in this country, everyone, and I mean everyone has a rich history. Whether your relatives were born here, or came here from overseas, the rich history of this country is in its individuals, and their individual contributions whether those contributions be great and noteworthy, or just outright despicable, the history of this country is in all of our individual families. People want to feel connected to a history of any sort sometimes, and family is often the closest that we can get to the feeling that we are imbedded in the tapestry that is that powerful word: "History". So when family members mess up, cause trouble, don't get along with one another, or break the family circle in the quest for their own individual agenda, we often feel like they are taking a piece of history away from us, and rewriting their own version.
But Family are often the only people that we have the desire to place trust in, because they sometimes seem to be the only thing that separate us from being alone in the cold world. You need them, and sometimes they need you, and there are often times when they annoy you to no end, and baffle the crap out of you, but when you stop and really think about it, the truth is that they are you in some form. If you are annoyed, then possibly there are people who feel that way about you for the exact same reasons. Families are reflections of us, good and bad, and if we learn to accept both aspects, we can understand our own history, and how to replicate the good, and not duplicate the bad. The ties are deep and give our hearts plenty to be joyful about, or if there is angst, plenty of weight on our necks. But for better or worse, your family is part of your connection to the past, and often a sneak peek into the future.
If you love your family, take plenty of pictures, listen to plenty of stories, and receive plenty of wisdom. Precious times are fleeting times, and valuable moments in life are usually filled with characters from your family. Perhaps one day you will be the elder who is dishing out wisdom, or relaying a laughter filled tale, or you will be the bridge to someone who wants to know the history of the family. A person's confidence on this earth is usually depended upon just how valuable they feel in the scope of things. A well grounded family who knows that history, can give that confidence, and provide you with a niche..Even when the rest of the world doesn't seem to have a place for you.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
Curious About The Nefarious: Wondering why people use energy for bad
There was a recent article that came out with an interesting statistic. About 80% of the stuff that travels through the internet is garbage. Spam, viruses, and useless garbage that people put through it to try to trip everyone up. The Government has stated that if a handle is not gotten on this, that soon the internet will be practically useless. Whether that is true or not is up for debate, but I can honestly say that if the prospect of your computer crashing, or you getting a virus, or your identity getting stolen every time you get on, this would deter you from even wanting to obtain info from the web. Think of just how smoothly the internet would run if it wasn't for all the garbage that people send through it to mess up your lives..It would be a dream. I thought of that very thing, because that applies to the bigger picture in life, where life would be so wonderful if people did what they were supposed to do, and stop wasting energy on the nefarious behavior.
There are so many brilliant people out there, but the sad thing is that they are split into two camps..Those that do what they are supposed to do, and those whose sole mission seems to be taking from those very people. All of us at one point have known or seen an individual who has been caught doing something, or incarcerated for trying to scam someone, or get over on some scheme that was both brilliant and elaborate, but illegal. And we have all probably said the same thing about those particular individuals.."If so and so would just put their mind to good use, they would probably be a major success." It's sad when anyone has to think or say that about someone, because that means that a perfectly good mind is being wasted in the name of trying to get easy money, or things that are flat out not theirs. It is annoying to an extent because everyone has a mind that can be developed, and given an opportunity, can flourish, and drive a person to do things and reach heights that they didn't think possible. But there are exceptional minds out there already ahead of the game and the table in life is set for them to just use that brain to think things and achieve goals that others just can't get to, and yet they use their talent for devious purposes. Frustrating to see.
Most people are afraid of failure, as no one wants the humiliation of having tried something, only to see it crumble in their hands. But folks who are very intelligent and who undertake illegal operations, seem to have a multi branch problem that stems from one simple tree: They are afraid of success. Not only are they afraid of success, but their mind tells them that the road to success is a boring one that doesn't have as lucrative a payoff. They seem to see people working hard as fools or stooges, and in their twisted outlook, what they are doing makes them smarter, and more efficient than someone following the rules. They seem to believe that rules are for suckers, and any way around the system validates how smart they are compared to everyone else. It is exciting to them to play the underhanded game, and the rush of sneaking and taking what's not theirs, or tripping people up, outweighs the seeming boredom that would engulf them if they followed rules. It is a twisted mentality that constantly justifies itself when the person manages to beat the system, and take things, or makes a handful of money illegally. They seem to love the idea that they not only know the legal way to do things inside and out, but that knowledge has advanced them to the elite and they can use it to beat a system that they say they can't stand.
Bullies that grow up mentally taking things from people are a pain because they are smart enough to know who is weak, and who they can manipulate. They grow up to be adults who take identities, scam the elderly, create computer viruses, or just plain live off the work of others. They can't follow the rules because they are lazy, and believe that what they do to beat the system takes less work, when in reality it takes more, because they are constantly looking over their shoulder to make sure that no one is on to them. If they would just use the brilliance that they have to do good things, they would probably be millionaires many times over, but dirty money is more appealing to them, because dirty money is wonderfully exciting money, and tripping people up gives them the self esteem that they look for because they are afraid of both failure and success through legal means.
Because these people are out there, and constantly working, it puts everyone in jeopardy, and makes us all work harder to protect the little things we do have. Once again life proves that a handful of people can make life so difficult for all involved. It is always a treat when people like this are taken down and caught, but it is such a shame because there goes a mind that was brilliant enough to make a positive contribution to society, and may have solved some major ill plaguing all of us. Whether it be an invention that helps make the world better, the intricate knowledge of a system that they could have improved for everyone, or a business that they could have run employing people, and creating a product that would have made them millions, these people missed opportunities of being described by the word "Greatness", and instead are labeled by the word "Notorious". Why do these people use their energy and talents for bad? Because to them it is good, and their predator stance is that they are the strong, and fit, and everyone else are the weak. Well I certainly disagree, because I know some fine people who follow the rules, and are quite successful, and I consider them very strong for doing so. It takes strength to climb uphill and try to do the right thing and be successful. Given the opportunity to do the right thing, and look at ones self in the mirror, or do the wrong thing, and achieve things that aren't really yours, human beings are funny creatures, because the choice they make will sometimes depend upon the balance of circumstances and ethics, and sometimes that scale is tipped the wrong way.
To me, I feel that the important thing is to be able to sleep at night, and look at myself in the mirror knowing that whatever I have that I claim is mine, was obtained by the right means. I spend my energy trying to get something in a way that I can be proud of, and if I don't get anything, then I can still sleep at night knowing that whatever world I created for myself is my world and not part of someone else's. The people who put their energy towards nefarious activity would never be satisfied with just themselves, and could never be happy with the little things in life that are relished, like integrity, honesty, fairness, and generosity. Their world is one of greed, conniving, and selfishness.
So the next time you encounter one of those brilliant folks who just can't follow the rules, don't even bother to ask them in what world are they living where they thought what they did was OK. Just know that it's not the one most people live in..And be glad of that.
There are so many brilliant people out there, but the sad thing is that they are split into two camps..Those that do what they are supposed to do, and those whose sole mission seems to be taking from those very people. All of us at one point have known or seen an individual who has been caught doing something, or incarcerated for trying to scam someone, or get over on some scheme that was both brilliant and elaborate, but illegal. And we have all probably said the same thing about those particular individuals.."If so and so would just put their mind to good use, they would probably be a major success." It's sad when anyone has to think or say that about someone, because that means that a perfectly good mind is being wasted in the name of trying to get easy money, or things that are flat out not theirs. It is annoying to an extent because everyone has a mind that can be developed, and given an opportunity, can flourish, and drive a person to do things and reach heights that they didn't think possible. But there are exceptional minds out there already ahead of the game and the table in life is set for them to just use that brain to think things and achieve goals that others just can't get to, and yet they use their talent for devious purposes. Frustrating to see.
Most people are afraid of failure, as no one wants the humiliation of having tried something, only to see it crumble in their hands. But folks who are very intelligent and who undertake illegal operations, seem to have a multi branch problem that stems from one simple tree: They are afraid of success. Not only are they afraid of success, but their mind tells them that the road to success is a boring one that doesn't have as lucrative a payoff. They seem to see people working hard as fools or stooges, and in their twisted outlook, what they are doing makes them smarter, and more efficient than someone following the rules. They seem to believe that rules are for suckers, and any way around the system validates how smart they are compared to everyone else. It is exciting to them to play the underhanded game, and the rush of sneaking and taking what's not theirs, or tripping people up, outweighs the seeming boredom that would engulf them if they followed rules. It is a twisted mentality that constantly justifies itself when the person manages to beat the system, and take things, or makes a handful of money illegally. They seem to love the idea that they not only know the legal way to do things inside and out, but that knowledge has advanced them to the elite and they can use it to beat a system that they say they can't stand.
Bullies that grow up mentally taking things from people are a pain because they are smart enough to know who is weak, and who they can manipulate. They grow up to be adults who take identities, scam the elderly, create computer viruses, or just plain live off the work of others. They can't follow the rules because they are lazy, and believe that what they do to beat the system takes less work, when in reality it takes more, because they are constantly looking over their shoulder to make sure that no one is on to them. If they would just use the brilliance that they have to do good things, they would probably be millionaires many times over, but dirty money is more appealing to them, because dirty money is wonderfully exciting money, and tripping people up gives them the self esteem that they look for because they are afraid of both failure and success through legal means.
Because these people are out there, and constantly working, it puts everyone in jeopardy, and makes us all work harder to protect the little things we do have. Once again life proves that a handful of people can make life so difficult for all involved. It is always a treat when people like this are taken down and caught, but it is such a shame because there goes a mind that was brilliant enough to make a positive contribution to society, and may have solved some major ill plaguing all of us. Whether it be an invention that helps make the world better, the intricate knowledge of a system that they could have improved for everyone, or a business that they could have run employing people, and creating a product that would have made them millions, these people missed opportunities of being described by the word "Greatness", and instead are labeled by the word "Notorious". Why do these people use their energy and talents for bad? Because to them it is good, and their predator stance is that they are the strong, and fit, and everyone else are the weak. Well I certainly disagree, because I know some fine people who follow the rules, and are quite successful, and I consider them very strong for doing so. It takes strength to climb uphill and try to do the right thing and be successful. Given the opportunity to do the right thing, and look at ones self in the mirror, or do the wrong thing, and achieve things that aren't really yours, human beings are funny creatures, because the choice they make will sometimes depend upon the balance of circumstances and ethics, and sometimes that scale is tipped the wrong way.
To me, I feel that the important thing is to be able to sleep at night, and look at myself in the mirror knowing that whatever I have that I claim is mine, was obtained by the right means. I spend my energy trying to get something in a way that I can be proud of, and if I don't get anything, then I can still sleep at night knowing that whatever world I created for myself is my world and not part of someone else's. The people who put their energy towards nefarious activity would never be satisfied with just themselves, and could never be happy with the little things in life that are relished, like integrity, honesty, fairness, and generosity. Their world is one of greed, conniving, and selfishness.
So the next time you encounter one of those brilliant folks who just can't follow the rules, don't even bother to ask them in what world are they living where they thought what they did was OK. Just know that it's not the one most people live in..And be glad of that.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Feelings, Whoa, Whoa Whoa! : Necessary lapse in synapse.
In a Star Trek movie, Spock was relearning his education. And as he rattled off many questions of physics, mathematics, philosophy, art, and poetry, the computer asked him a simple question.."How do you feel?" He didn't understand the question, and Spock's mother who was human tried to explain that it was an easy question to answer, and that he should be able to answer it. He couldn't still.
A few people have told me that they liked my blogs, but that my Blogs are sometimes a little too cerebral. Looking back on some of them, I would have to say that I agree to an extent. When I set out to do these Blogs, it was a way to write about what I observed and thought about people and the world around me. I made the conscious effort to get away from feelings, and just state things, but maybe I went a little too far, and took most of my heart out of the picture. I save my feelings for writing songs, and whatever I have done in journals, but I should possibly consider inserting bits of my heart into the picture. Putting feelings out there for consumption is always a hard thing to do for anyone let alone myself, because feelings are Sometimes open windows that you are undressing on front of, and not many are fond of that type of exposure. That said, there have been times during writing these that I have wanted to perhaps convey my feelings of a matter instead of my thoughts and have rejected it because I have thought feelings in the matter irrelevant.
People that really know me and have for years, are aware that I have strong feelings no matter which way it is. If I am happy, then it is obvious. If I am upset, or angry, I feel it very strongly although it takes awhile to break through because I know as everyone else does that negative feelings mean negative actions. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and many folks have seen many dirty sleeves. I have known and experienced some really great things in life, and I have experienced sadness that I would never want anyone to experience, although looking back on those episodes of sadness, I never would be the person I am today without them. I have thought that somehow each incident took a piece out of me, and turned me into someone who was a bit jaded, and who thought more, and felt less. That was not my plan, but that is how life works sometimes, as each of us react to things differently, and our feelings change, and for some feelings wane, or disappear altogether. I have the good fortune, of being able to see things, and hear things in vivid color, as my world of music and being around people is rich in inspiration for me. I don't run out of ideas easily, because as life continues, and I get the opportunity to speak, and deal with people, my inspiration for ideas is always there.
I may not seem to feel to some, but I do, as I feel empathy for people who just want the regular things in life, and are trying, but just can't achieve them. I feel sorry for those that can't seem to identify with those people. Part of losing touch with ones self, is losing touch with the plight of others.
I feel heartbroken for those who watch a loved one dying, because it takes me back to a time when someone I loved greatly was leaving this earth slowly, and painfully, and I was helpless to stop it.
I feel absolute rage when I hear about child or animal abuse because to me those people are the lowest forms of bullies on the planet. Ones who don't have the balls to attack someone that can hurt them back.
I have a low tolerance for idiocy, and I feel dismissive towards people who make life hell, and chaotic for others, and I feel zero respect for people who use other people for their own agendas. I feel annoyed at people who blow hard, and believe they know it all, and who like to disagree just for the sake of confrontation.
But on the other end of the spectrum, I feel the happiest when I am creating, or playing good music. It makes me feel alive, and when I hear good music for the first time, there is a rush of excitement in me akin to seeing the Rockies for the first time. I feel love and appreciation towards many friends and family and extended families that I have been fortunate to be a part of. Everyone in my life that is still there, has has had some sort of influence, in my outlook, my behavior, or my thought process, and I thank all of them, and you who fit into that category for that.
Growing up an only child led me to the process of being a thinker, and searcher, and I can't turn that off. But that doesn't mean that I don't feel. I feel very strongly, and very clearly, and yes sometimes I am selfish with my feelings, because they are the only things that I own outright. I hold on to my feelings, as I do my hopes and dreams because if you give up your dreams, then you have given up altogether. I hope that everyone gets to feel the things that I have felt in life..Hope, Love, Heartbreak, Passion, Intense drive, and even the negative feelings such as Anger, Disappointment, Contempt, and even Hatred. It takes experiencing those feelings to make one understand them, and thus understand ones self. When one understands themselves, they can enjoy the journey, of trying to be a better person. That journey never ends if you know just what you are feeling. The person who feels, is the person who cares..And believe me I do. Maybe you will see more of that in these Blogs. I have shared lots of thoughts and lots of ideas with different people, and each one has made me think and feel, whether it appeared that way or not. The part of my processing ideas is taken up by search, discover and analyze..Maybe feel should be one of the first things that happens also.
After a harrowing adventure where Spock learned lessons about himself, and others around him, he told his Vulcan father to give his mother a message.."Tell Mother I feel fine."...I agree.
A few people have told me that they liked my blogs, but that my Blogs are sometimes a little too cerebral. Looking back on some of them, I would have to say that I agree to an extent. When I set out to do these Blogs, it was a way to write about what I observed and thought about people and the world around me. I made the conscious effort to get away from feelings, and just state things, but maybe I went a little too far, and took most of my heart out of the picture. I save my feelings for writing songs, and whatever I have done in journals, but I should possibly consider inserting bits of my heart into the picture. Putting feelings out there for consumption is always a hard thing to do for anyone let alone myself, because feelings are Sometimes open windows that you are undressing on front of, and not many are fond of that type of exposure. That said, there have been times during writing these that I have wanted to perhaps convey my feelings of a matter instead of my thoughts and have rejected it because I have thought feelings in the matter irrelevant.
People that really know me and have for years, are aware that I have strong feelings no matter which way it is. If I am happy, then it is obvious. If I am upset, or angry, I feel it very strongly although it takes awhile to break through because I know as everyone else does that negative feelings mean negative actions. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and many folks have seen many dirty sleeves. I have known and experienced some really great things in life, and I have experienced sadness that I would never want anyone to experience, although looking back on those episodes of sadness, I never would be the person I am today without them. I have thought that somehow each incident took a piece out of me, and turned me into someone who was a bit jaded, and who thought more, and felt less. That was not my plan, but that is how life works sometimes, as each of us react to things differently, and our feelings change, and for some feelings wane, or disappear altogether. I have the good fortune, of being able to see things, and hear things in vivid color, as my world of music and being around people is rich in inspiration for me. I don't run out of ideas easily, because as life continues, and I get the opportunity to speak, and deal with people, my inspiration for ideas is always there.
I may not seem to feel to some, but I do, as I feel empathy for people who just want the regular things in life, and are trying, but just can't achieve them. I feel sorry for those that can't seem to identify with those people. Part of losing touch with ones self, is losing touch with the plight of others.
I feel heartbroken for those who watch a loved one dying, because it takes me back to a time when someone I loved greatly was leaving this earth slowly, and painfully, and I was helpless to stop it.
I feel absolute rage when I hear about child or animal abuse because to me those people are the lowest forms of bullies on the planet. Ones who don't have the balls to attack someone that can hurt them back.
I have a low tolerance for idiocy, and I feel dismissive towards people who make life hell, and chaotic for others, and I feel zero respect for people who use other people for their own agendas. I feel annoyed at people who blow hard, and believe they know it all, and who like to disagree just for the sake of confrontation.
But on the other end of the spectrum, I feel the happiest when I am creating, or playing good music. It makes me feel alive, and when I hear good music for the first time, there is a rush of excitement in me akin to seeing the Rockies for the first time. I feel love and appreciation towards many friends and family and extended families that I have been fortunate to be a part of. Everyone in my life that is still there, has has had some sort of influence, in my outlook, my behavior, or my thought process, and I thank all of them, and you who fit into that category for that.
Growing up an only child led me to the process of being a thinker, and searcher, and I can't turn that off. But that doesn't mean that I don't feel. I feel very strongly, and very clearly, and yes sometimes I am selfish with my feelings, because they are the only things that I own outright. I hold on to my feelings, as I do my hopes and dreams because if you give up your dreams, then you have given up altogether. I hope that everyone gets to feel the things that I have felt in life..Hope, Love, Heartbreak, Passion, Intense drive, and even the negative feelings such as Anger, Disappointment, Contempt, and even Hatred. It takes experiencing those feelings to make one understand them, and thus understand ones self. When one understands themselves, they can enjoy the journey, of trying to be a better person. That journey never ends if you know just what you are feeling. The person who feels, is the person who cares..And believe me I do. Maybe you will see more of that in these Blogs. I have shared lots of thoughts and lots of ideas with different people, and each one has made me think and feel, whether it appeared that way or not. The part of my processing ideas is taken up by search, discover and analyze..Maybe feel should be one of the first things that happens also.
After a harrowing adventure where Spock learned lessons about himself, and others around him, he told his Vulcan father to give his mother a message.."Tell Mother I feel fine."...I agree.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Got To Get You Into My Life: People you need to keep around
In our daily travels as human beings we may come in contact with quite a few people. In our lives if we are lucky that number may amount to a couple of hundred that we personally know. Each person that we deal with is different, and may have a different dynamic with you, that is unique to your particular history with them. They may be just acquaintances, or they may be an ex spouse. They could be people that you've been friends with for 30 years, or they could be someone whom you haven't known a long time, but have a nice friendship, or connection with. An important part of life's journey is figuring out what people to invite in your life, who to keep in your life, and who to toss away, and dismiss. People come and go and even stay in our lives for reasons seen, and unseen, and those folks have a direct effect sometimes on our moods, how we look for support and advice, and even how we make certain basic decisions like how we conduct ourselves. People in our lives have influence, just as we often influence them, and believe me if you have good people in your life it can be so much easier to deal with stress, pain, and other situations and dilemmas that life presents. But the key to all of that is rooted in who you decide should be part of your life, and that applies to directly, and peripherally.
Life is full of leeches, nut jobs, troublemakers, and drama queens just waiting to latch onto someone that can be a launching pad for their agendas. These folks always find ways to create an atmosphere of nonsense, as they seem to get caught up in all sorts of trouble that they helped to manufacture. They seem to go through life pissing and moaning, while backstabbing people that they call their friends when they have outgrown their usefulness, while slinking up to others that they can "befriend" because there is something that they want, or notice that they can use. These are the people you want to oust from your life because they create chaos, and turmoil. Their agendas are simple: "It's all about them." Often times someone with no self esteem will be caught up with these folks because these connivers pray on people who aren't that confident, or seem to be not as headstrong to fight them off. They sense someone like that, and when they get their claws into you, it is an effort to push them away, because they will always come back when they need something. Take a gander around you and spot these folks because they are everywhere, and they will make your life hell. If they are currently in your life, then they should be easy to spot, because when you see their name on your caller I.D. you may think to yourself, "Uh Oh..What now?", or when you go out with them somewhere you have to give them a disclaimer asking them to please not do that thing they did last time you were out, that caused embarrassment and trouble. Why would one want to invite this sort of shenanigans in their lives? Because people get confused as to who really SHOULD be in their lives, and they accept the idiocy, because of that confusion.
The folks that you want in your life should be people who lift you up, and listen when you have something to talk about. They should be folks who laugh, and can make you laugh, not because they are funny, but because they make you feel good about people and life. And when you feel good about those things, it is easy to laugh. Friends or acquaintances should be drama, and chaos free, as those are the things that cause depression, and feelings of wanting to be isolated. Good people in your life are there even when you don't speak to them for a long time. You can call, and say hello, and it's like you just spoke yesterday even though it could be years. They know that you are there, and you know that they are there for support, friendship, a laugh or smile, or a hand if you need it. They don't make you feel guilty for not calling, even though they haven't called, and they give you themselves as the most precious thing they have. As far as the folks that you may hang out with or spend time with, these folks don't ask you for anything. They give face time to you, and they are there if you need them to be. The folks that you want around you treat people how they want to be treated, and won't stand for nonsense around them. The reward is that the influence of these folks will lift your spirits, and make you a better person in the process, and it will go full circle. It definitely is true that influence is circular. If you hang out with shitheads, you in turn may gravitate to not only accepting their type of behavior, but exhibiting it yourself, therefore making you a shithead. Good people around you who don't accept nonsense, are a good example to be around. Your standards of behavior will be raised, and you in turn will not accept idiocy in your life.
Some people have the strange idea that someone who has hurt you emotionally should be cut out of your life completely. I reject that notion.Things such as breakups or divorces can put tremendous strains on the idea of still being friends afterward. But if you can rise above the pain, and realize that things didn't work out, the person that was once in your life can still be someone in your life at a different capacity..A friend. As long as there was no malicious behavior, devious activity, or physical abuse, the idea is for adults to grow, and deal with things like big people, So when lovers make the transition from intimate to friendship, it can be a way to grow, and have someone in your life that can enrich it in other ways.
You got good folks around you? Got to get them into your life. Got idiots and leeches in your life? Tell them to ease on down the road. The people you need to keep around, will in turn keep you around, and on the ground...... And the result could be that fun will be had by all.
Life is full of leeches, nut jobs, troublemakers, and drama queens just waiting to latch onto someone that can be a launching pad for their agendas. These folks always find ways to create an atmosphere of nonsense, as they seem to get caught up in all sorts of trouble that they helped to manufacture. They seem to go through life pissing and moaning, while backstabbing people that they call their friends when they have outgrown their usefulness, while slinking up to others that they can "befriend" because there is something that they want, or notice that they can use. These are the people you want to oust from your life because they create chaos, and turmoil. Their agendas are simple: "It's all about them." Often times someone with no self esteem will be caught up with these folks because these connivers pray on people who aren't that confident, or seem to be not as headstrong to fight them off. They sense someone like that, and when they get their claws into you, it is an effort to push them away, because they will always come back when they need something. Take a gander around you and spot these folks because they are everywhere, and they will make your life hell. If they are currently in your life, then they should be easy to spot, because when you see their name on your caller I.D. you may think to yourself, "Uh Oh..What now?", or when you go out with them somewhere you have to give them a disclaimer asking them to please not do that thing they did last time you were out, that caused embarrassment and trouble. Why would one want to invite this sort of shenanigans in their lives? Because people get confused as to who really SHOULD be in their lives, and they accept the idiocy, because of that confusion.
The folks that you want in your life should be people who lift you up, and listen when you have something to talk about. They should be folks who laugh, and can make you laugh, not because they are funny, but because they make you feel good about people and life. And when you feel good about those things, it is easy to laugh. Friends or acquaintances should be drama, and chaos free, as those are the things that cause depression, and feelings of wanting to be isolated. Good people in your life are there even when you don't speak to them for a long time. You can call, and say hello, and it's like you just spoke yesterday even though it could be years. They know that you are there, and you know that they are there for support, friendship, a laugh or smile, or a hand if you need it. They don't make you feel guilty for not calling, even though they haven't called, and they give you themselves as the most precious thing they have. As far as the folks that you may hang out with or spend time with, these folks don't ask you for anything. They give face time to you, and they are there if you need them to be. The folks that you want around you treat people how they want to be treated, and won't stand for nonsense around them. The reward is that the influence of these folks will lift your spirits, and make you a better person in the process, and it will go full circle. It definitely is true that influence is circular. If you hang out with shitheads, you in turn may gravitate to not only accepting their type of behavior, but exhibiting it yourself, therefore making you a shithead. Good people around you who don't accept nonsense, are a good example to be around. Your standards of behavior will be raised, and you in turn will not accept idiocy in your life.
Some people have the strange idea that someone who has hurt you emotionally should be cut out of your life completely. I reject that notion.Things such as breakups or divorces can put tremendous strains on the idea of still being friends afterward. But if you can rise above the pain, and realize that things didn't work out, the person that was once in your life can still be someone in your life at a different capacity..A friend. As long as there was no malicious behavior, devious activity, or physical abuse, the idea is for adults to grow, and deal with things like big people, So when lovers make the transition from intimate to friendship, it can be a way to grow, and have someone in your life that can enrich it in other ways.
You got good folks around you? Got to get them into your life. Got idiots and leeches in your life? Tell them to ease on down the road. The people you need to keep around, will in turn keep you around, and on the ground...... And the result could be that fun will be had by all.
Monday, November 7, 2011
How Does It Feel To Want? :Heart, Mind, and Soul all in cahoots
Wanting something has got to be one of the most taxing feelings that a person can have. Even if that desire is fun, exciting, beneficial, etc...The desire to want is extremely draining because in order for you to pursue the "it" or achieve the "it" you have to be sold on it all the way through. By "all the way through" I mean there are three things that have to be in alignment. And those are the heart, mind and soul. If one of those isn't on the same page, then what you go for, or try to do will be a failure. It just won't work.
Often times we say that we want something, and decide to go forward with the challenge of moving forward to having it. As people, we have a tendency to believe that everything will work itself out if we just pursue something. We sometimes think that the want is good enough, and the rest will sort itself out. The problem then becomes one of dynamics, because there may be more to pursuit than originally thought. Objects on the other side of the glass are larger, and more complicated than they seem. There are pitfalls, compromises, weighing pros vs. cons, and just plain frustration, but the bottom line is that in order to really turn the want process into the motion of getting process, one has to have all three aspects firing on all cylinders. When one is out of whack, it can turn the simplest aspects into major complicated fiascoes. This applies to everything from trying to achieve dreams, to making relationships work. To "want" means to put these 3 aspects that we all have, into motion to block out everything that can cast fear, doubt, and hesitation. It is those feelings that prevent us as people from transferring the desire and want stage to the actual getting and achieving stage.
The main problem for all of us as people is that we sometimes don't realize that one of these things isn't sold on the idea. We often wonder why something isn't working, or why things are not running as smooth as they should. We feel that we have the desire, we feel that our mind is focused, but we often forget that the heart and soul often rule the subconscious, and if the heart and soul are not buying it, they will often play tricks with the mind, and sabotage the whole thing. Tricky? yes, but it really is how things work, and no matter what you do to combat it, you will never achieve what you want until you can win over those aspects of yourself. All of us have been guilty of some form of subconscious sabotage at some point, and it really does considerable damage to what your conscious tries to do. The simplest things become complex agendas, if there is conflict within yourself and what your conscious wants, and what your subconscious refuses to buy into. I label the mind as the conscious part because our minds really are the things that talk to us and say "You want this". But the subconscious in my opinion is really the joint effort of the heart and soul because those are really the things that govern your actions..Your mind can tell you to do something all day long, but if your heart and soul aren't willing, then you will be disappointed...And the key word after that sentence is "always".
What is the answer? Well there is not necessarily an answer as there is an important question. The question usually is "Why?" Why are those aspects of self not buying into the "want" column? It's hard enough to read what your mind is telling you. Reading what your subconscious heart and soul is trying to reveal can be like solving a Rubik's Cube. There is a solution, but you will have to go through all sorts of turns and twists to figure it out...Or you may be able to figure it out very easily. But that doesn't mean that it will change. It just means that you have clarity on why, and this knowledge will help you to make decisions, and no matter what, the decisions help with the big picture of what you do or don't want. Whatever your roadblocks are to getting what you want, or believe you want, you will have to know what they are to either clear them, or accept them, but the road must be clear in order to drive to the "it" that you have in your sights. or you will dodge, make excuses, sabotage, whatever phrase you can think of that describes systematic avoidance. Everyone, including yours truly have engaged in systematic avoidance. It is part of the complex nature of human beings in their quest for a balance between thinking and feeling.
The initial "How does it feel to want" feeling is a great feeling. It's the other things that come into play that often times ruin it. Whether they be historical things associated with fear, anger, past disappointments, whatever, humans build subconscious walls of protection to insulate themselves from exposure. It's breaking that wall down that is the hardest thing that anyone can do to achieve their wants, erode fears, allow people in their lives. But the Heart, Mind and Soul must be in tune with one another to make these things happen. If any one of those is out of sync, and not on board, you will not only never get what you want, you will screw up what you have.
Often times we say that we want something, and decide to go forward with the challenge of moving forward to having it. As people, we have a tendency to believe that everything will work itself out if we just pursue something. We sometimes think that the want is good enough, and the rest will sort itself out. The problem then becomes one of dynamics, because there may be more to pursuit than originally thought. Objects on the other side of the glass are larger, and more complicated than they seem. There are pitfalls, compromises, weighing pros vs. cons, and just plain frustration, but the bottom line is that in order to really turn the want process into the motion of getting process, one has to have all three aspects firing on all cylinders. When one is out of whack, it can turn the simplest aspects into major complicated fiascoes. This applies to everything from trying to achieve dreams, to making relationships work. To "want" means to put these 3 aspects that we all have, into motion to block out everything that can cast fear, doubt, and hesitation. It is those feelings that prevent us as people from transferring the desire and want stage to the actual getting and achieving stage.
The main problem for all of us as people is that we sometimes don't realize that one of these things isn't sold on the idea. We often wonder why something isn't working, or why things are not running as smooth as they should. We feel that we have the desire, we feel that our mind is focused, but we often forget that the heart and soul often rule the subconscious, and if the heart and soul are not buying it, they will often play tricks with the mind, and sabotage the whole thing. Tricky? yes, but it really is how things work, and no matter what you do to combat it, you will never achieve what you want until you can win over those aspects of yourself. All of us have been guilty of some form of subconscious sabotage at some point, and it really does considerable damage to what your conscious tries to do. The simplest things become complex agendas, if there is conflict within yourself and what your conscious wants, and what your subconscious refuses to buy into. I label the mind as the conscious part because our minds really are the things that talk to us and say "You want this". But the subconscious in my opinion is really the joint effort of the heart and soul because those are really the things that govern your actions..Your mind can tell you to do something all day long, but if your heart and soul aren't willing, then you will be disappointed...And the key word after that sentence is "always".
What is the answer? Well there is not necessarily an answer as there is an important question. The question usually is "Why?" Why are those aspects of self not buying into the "want" column? It's hard enough to read what your mind is telling you. Reading what your subconscious heart and soul is trying to reveal can be like solving a Rubik's Cube. There is a solution, but you will have to go through all sorts of turns and twists to figure it out...Or you may be able to figure it out very easily. But that doesn't mean that it will change. It just means that you have clarity on why, and this knowledge will help you to make decisions, and no matter what, the decisions help with the big picture of what you do or don't want. Whatever your roadblocks are to getting what you want, or believe you want, you will have to know what they are to either clear them, or accept them, but the road must be clear in order to drive to the "it" that you have in your sights. or you will dodge, make excuses, sabotage, whatever phrase you can think of that describes systematic avoidance. Everyone, including yours truly have engaged in systematic avoidance. It is part of the complex nature of human beings in their quest for a balance between thinking and feeling.
The initial "How does it feel to want" feeling is a great feeling. It's the other things that come into play that often times ruin it. Whether they be historical things associated with fear, anger, past disappointments, whatever, humans build subconscious walls of protection to insulate themselves from exposure. It's breaking that wall down that is the hardest thing that anyone can do to achieve their wants, erode fears, allow people in their lives. But the Heart, Mind and Soul must be in tune with one another to make these things happen. If any one of those is out of sync, and not on board, you will not only never get what you want, you will screw up what you have.
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