Derailment: Runanway trains of thought

I write this Blog from a point of annoyance because there are definitely behaviors out there that are aggravating to say the least. Yes we are all different people with different perspectives on life, and as I have stated many times over and over again, I am not the holder of all knowledge, nor am I even close. I put thoughts out there, and comments to certain conversations with the idea that I can either add something to someone's perspective, or gain some knowledge from someone else. I may not know how to do everything, but what I do know how to do is stay on the subject at hand, and not derail a subject for my own personal agenda. If something is presented, it can be dissected exactly as is, and not torn apart, and deflected onto something it is not.

Those of us who go on Youtube, or check out news stories online usually read comments after the story. Usually the first two or three comments pertains directly to the story, but then someone comes along and makes a comment that pertains not to the story, but to something completely different. So by the time the thread is finished, it has nothing to do with the matter at hand. I have seen beautiful videos of musical performances go from the conversation about the music, down to petty arguments about politics, race, or personal attacks on other people who commented, and the essence of what something was about gets lost completely, while the dialogue between people lingers in the toilet. My experiences with people have told me time and time again that they want to be heard, and understood. That is important and noble, and part of our nature as human beings, but there is definitely a way to relate to people and knowing when and where to inject something that one feels strongly about as opposed to just sticking with the script of subject at hand. This behavior doesn't necessarily make someone bad, it's just an indication of a certain lack of knowledge about how to approach certain topics with restraint, and not bombast. It is important to have a strong opinion..But even more important to know just when and where to apply that opinion to whatever train requires it.

People see what they want to see within the realm of things, and that is just a fact, but where the problem lies is that most people are quick to point out and be vocal about everything they don't like, instead of being positive and stating passionately about things they love. The focus on negative aspects of life and the willingness of some to perpetuate it, permeates through everyone trying to bring things together. This may not even be intentional, but the truth of the matter is that some people may not be able to stay on point. They see or hear something, and are easily swayed, diverted, and tossed off the train of thought by their own visceral feelings about something. And there is nothing wrong with having feelings about something, but there is a time to launch that mode within its own context. Some folks derail subjects sometimes out of spite, and sometimes not because they feel that their agenda pertains to the subject when it really doesn't. But that is how they may see it, and that becomes more of the problem than anything else, because the train will always go off the tracks when someone can't see the rails that they are on.

It takes a great amount of courage to put your thoughts and ideas , and whatever else you have of yourself out there, because you become vulnerable to scrutiny, and questioning of others, that can easily turn into berating, and bashing. Diversified ideas are as important as anything because the key word is "growth" and we are all in need of growth, and are all works in progress. So when there is a subject at hand, for a lot of folks they see the opportunity to enlighten someone when that should actually not be the goal. The goal should be to state something within the context of dialogue so that the reward is perhaps "getting" enlightenment and not giving it. When someone takes a subject off point, and derails it, it stands no chance to blossom, or grow into the minds of those discussing because now the energy is focused on something entirely different, or focused on the negativity of someone thinking a certain way. I can't stress enough that the ability of people to get along depends upon us riding on the same train tracks, and not someone flipping a switch, and separating the cars. There is a train for every conversation, and one has to not make themselves an annoying passenger that causes the train to derail off of particular thought process. It may not be about you...Don't make it so.

The bottom line and purpose of this Blog is to just to plead folks to stay on point, and not create chaos..Because that is just what a derailed train of thought does. It creates absolute chaos where people will argue, ridicule, and not speak to one another in a civil manner because the subject has been tarnished, and thrown to the curb. People give up because to them dialogue is useless, because they feel that the topic won't stay around long enough to be solved during the derailing process. There is nothing worse than a derailed train hurtling across the conversation void, all  because someone saw themselves as the conductor, and not the subject itself. Don't see things that you want to see. See what is there, because what is there is probably worthy of its own train of thought. And when the train leaves the station, please sit with the other passengers.

Piece Of My Heart: The give and take of human interaction

For most of us, our everyday lives produces one word that is slightly different every day.  That word is "Interaction". It is our basic form of communication and dealing with others that produces good or bad feelings on both an intellectual and visceral level on a daily basis. Whether it's exchanging money with a cashier, dealing with co workers, or standing in line in the supermarket, unless you are a hermit, there is no getting around some sort of interaction. We as humans can be funny creatures..We can be prickly, aloof, temperamental, and just downright rude to each other. Because of the bad seeds all around us, it is sometimes an effort for some people to be friendly, because they believe that their friendliness will lead to people perceiving them as weak, and trying to "get" something from them. Everybody knows just how exhausting it is trying to deal with people like this because they are out there, but not everyone is this way. We are all guarded in a sense, because we have been trained to look out for, and be proactive against that type of behavior, which makes the interaction sometimes jaded. People tend to get cynical and jaded because that's where the world sometimes has led us, and it is easier to hold off a piece of yourself, clutching it for all you are worth, because we think that people will steal something, or that some vulnerability of ours will cost us in the future. But in order for us to truly be able to understand and appreciate one another, that is what precisely what has to happen.

The part of my personal make up that I most proud of is my not only desire, but ability to talk to different people. I have the good fortune to know many different people on familiar levels. The people I am fortunate to know range from the head of companies to Truck drivers, from Cops, Clergy and lawyers, to Bikers, and DOT workers..All races, ethnic backgrounds, sexual orientations, and people from all political sides. I am happy to say that I have conversed with, laughed and shared jokes and stories with, debated issues with, and relayed personal thoughts with a wide array of folks, and those situations have enriched me in ways that I can't ever calculate. I try my best to treat everyone the same way, but the nuances of interactions are on their particular levels. My approach to one person doesn't work with another. Some people require a laid back approach of interaction, while yet others require a brash up front raucous approach. Each person is an individual, and unique in their own way, and by paying attention to what they say, and how they say it, makes interaction for me one of the most pleasurable things that I get out of life. There is so much to learn from so many people, that interaction is completely intertwined with growth of self. There is a true art to interaction, as it is a process no matter how brief. We make impacts and ripples everyday by how we conduct ourselves wen dealing with others. Those impacts and ripples begin with the art. What is the crux of the art? It is simple...Giving a piece of yourself, while taking a piece of others.

True interaction no matter how brief requires a meeting of spirits. Whether you just say hello to someone in line in a store, or have a meaningful conversation with a friend, you have opened up a window. Inside the window is the heart and soul of us, and the nuts and bolts of just what makes us tick. The truth of the matter is that we are all unfinished works, and someone else may have the parts that we need to add to the machinery. It is not required that you be completely vulnerable since that is reserved for the closest amongst you. Even that is a challenge since we all have walls that come into play, and surround us when we feel threatened, mistrustful, or damaged. But the little opening of the window can lead to finding the piece of yourself in others and using it, as you leave something of yourself for someone else to ponder. I am a big believer that as I talk to people during my travels, I gain knowledge from everyone. I try to listen to what their voice sounds like, I imagine what their experiences must have been like, and yes sometimes I get my wish to find these things out, as people seem to feel comfortable telling me about themselves. I cannot just be a taker, which means since they were giving me some of what they are about, I try to do the same, and create ripples. So much rides on the ability to be just a little vulnerable so that we can be emotional voyeurs to one another. the more we see behind the window, the more we begin to truly understand just how much we are alike. We begin to gain mutual respect, admiration, and acknowledgment that each individual has a unique story to tell, and that story has relevance within the context of our own lives. That is the piece that we take..The piece that we leave with someone is who we are, as a child of the universe, and as an individual, and where we stand. All of this that takes place doesn't have to be obtained from a deep conversation. The simple brief encounters can ring true in such ways that it is all figured out and exchanged in literally seconds. A smile, a "Hello how are you?" A sharing a laugh of something funny, or a brief talk about weather all can be important glimpses into someone, and an opportunity for you to understand, and be understood.

With this 21st century way of communicating with one another, the art of interaction seems to be waning, and people although connected mechanically, are disconnected emotionally and spiritually. Technology has a strange way of having an adverse effect on those who want to connect with others, because the connection has no eyes, and no soul. That is why it is so important to still converse, shake hands, smile, and see where another person stands. We need to all have pieces of each other, if we are to truly progress as understanding people of the universe. We will then be able to be the heart and souls of one another..Sounds campy and naive, but I can remember many incidents where I was not liked because of my color, or whatever reason someone had. After interaction and giving them something of myself, those ill feelings were eradicated, as it became just me. And when that happened, I was able to learn just why someone thought the way they did, and I could understand, while in the process of helping them to understand. And all of a sudden we were just people..Not symbols, or ideas..But individuals who wanted the same things out of life..that's the power of interaction. I try to do some of this every time out there, because I believe in the power of interaction, and just what positive ripple effects it can produce..
So come on..Take another little piece of my heart...And I'll take some of yours..
So many people..So much to learn, and so little time...Let's open the windows.

Taught And Sold: Buying into teachable moments

The definition of the word "Teach" means to impart knowledge or skill, or to give instruction. A synonym of that means to "Inform, Enlighten, or School in some sort of manner". Which means one thing..There is supposed to be an absorption of knowledge that was once not there, and it is supposed to be used in a manner that will be beneficial in the future. There are times in our lives where we will be given new knowledge, or a variation of old knowledge, or information based upon people and moments that Criss Cross our lives, and make us who we are. Since we are all works in progress, we should always be on the lookout for these moments because they happen not only within our lives, but within the lives of others, and within events and happenings all around us that we can use as gauges of thought process. The teacher doesn't have to be an individual, as most times it seems, but the teacher that can give you the most enlightenment "Bang for your buck" can be moments in life that you can observe from the outside. Things that take place, and things that happen to other people can be a valuable lesson in how you react to your own particular situations, life events, and conflicts within those frameworks. Not only can these happenings benefit one person, if given an opportunity, they can benefit whole groups of people on different levels, because the identification of something can be an important lesson for future reference. And seeing how things can go wrong, is always a great motivation for laying the groundwork for things to go right.

The problem time and time again is one thing: The mouth. In order for something to be taught, and the receivers to learn, that means people have to just shut up long enough to think. The problem with us humans is that no matter how civilized, and dignified we claim ourselves to be, we are still emotionally driven, and prone to fits of flying off the handle, and shooting from the hip instead of taking a step back and rationally analyzing things. It is truly hard for teachable moments to occur when mouths are open, because that means that no one is listening or watching. That means that because of the din of noisemakers, nothing will get taught, and the thing that was once a teachable moment and preventable again, becomes full blown chaos with an ever increasing chance of repeating itself. This doesn't mean everyone. There are people who really do try to learn, in these moments, understand what the true essence is, and try to impart that knowledge to others, but because of the sheer vocal volume of a visceral few, these moments get lost, and the moment of people truly learning how to deal with the dynamics of one another gets lost within fear, anger, idiotic statements that cause mistrust, and bring old wounds to the surface. No one ever said that learning from these moments was easy, but it certainly doesn't have to be as hard and complex as it gets.

When dealing with people there is one thing certain..There will always be loudmouths, instigators, troublemakers, and attention seekers ready to drag situations and everyone else down to the only level of which they can relate to other people and situations. They claim that they are speaking their mind, but in reality, there is no mind process at all. There is a transmission of what they see, and hear that goes straight to their mouth. Even with the social networks such as Facebook, and Twitter, where a person has the advantage of thinking before they type something in, there still is no shortage of idiotic incendiary statements that don't help moments where perhaps a collective solution could happen for something when people come together. People just don't think before opening their mouths. Now I'm not saying that one has to walk on eggshells, and speaking ones mind should be respected, and admired, because as the saying goes, "If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything." But there is a way to effectively present ideas, conduct constructive conflict, and dialogue that is passionate, and thought provoking without idiocy, and belittling. Not only that, but this approach leaves yourself open to be taught, and grow. There is no growth to be had within the emotions of hatred, fear, paranoia, and acts of scapegoating.

There are moments all around us when we can say, "Here is the crux of the matter" and solve that, while leaving out the fluff of peripheral distractions that people have a tendency to get emotional about. It winds up not about the situation, but about them. I have heard so many people say about a situation, "Well I'm so pissed, if that was me, I would...." Well that's the first mistake because that really isn't empathy, it is insertion of ones self into a situation, and that response is probably not the best response. And that can do nothing except elicit emotion and then desire to be validated by others, so all of a sudden, you have 40 people creating chaos instead of one. No one can get taught if everyone thinks they are doing the teaching. The classroom becomes unruly, and no one gets an A because the fire alarm was pulled, forcing everybody to abandon the process of absorption.

With all the teachable moments that happen in our lives and all around us, what is being taught? Patience, Forgiveness, Tolerance..When to be silent, and when to speak up, constructive conflict, dialogue, how to deal with situations and people in a respectful manner, understanding who to associate with, and who to stay away from, and a host of other things that would make any person receptive to these teachings a well rounded 3 dimensional person. I am personally always amazed when people I know, and don't know seem to get dragged into the same situations that they said they would never in a million years be caught at again, or the same situations happen on the news that continue to happen over and over, like some insane instant replay. It seems that us as humans are just too stubborn to accept being taught by other people, moments in time, and situations. The same approach is destined for the same failure. It is in those teachable moments that defines who we are as people, and whether or not we can finally come together for the greater good of each other. We are all connected, and all part of a greater whole of what is around us. Good feelings spread quickly, but bad feelings are like jet fuel, igniting all around it. We must all take the time to shut up, listen, observe, and be taught, if we are to ever advance as individuals, and people as a whole.

 So take a step back before opening your mouth, and open your mind instead to think, and engage yourself in an assessment of what is happening, versus what appears to be happening, or what you want to happen. If you don't do any of those things, then whether it be an event in your life, in someone else's life, or some tragic event that destroys all hope of good will, it will have been a teachable moment where someone somewhere will shake their head and say...
."When will we ever learn?"

Their way, On The Highway: Out on ones own terms

The hardest thing to continually accept in life is that at some point the people you love the most in the world and who have been in the most important parts of your life will pass on. Meaning ones parents, grandparents or whoever has done the rearing and making of you as an individual. You grow up, and they are there. You graduate from school and they are there. You get married, they are there. You fall on hard times, and they are right there. In every major aspect of your life, the people that raised you were there to give you major advice, support, perspective from their point of view, and inspiration. Often times the roles seemingly become reversed as we all of a sudden in our minds become the parent, and they the child as they become older, weaker, and maybe their minds aren't as sharp, because they no longer are in the prime of their lives. Maybe they have deteriorated physically, or from our point of view don't seem to know what's best for themselves anymore. They seem to need taking care of, and all of a sudden we in our minds think that we know what's best for them. Even though we feel all of these things, the truth of the matter is simple..We remain the children as long as they are alive. And since we are the children, a level of respect is in order.  And a hard truth is within that respect. Given the opportunity to go out on their own terms, if you love them, you have to accept it. Plain and simple.

None of us know how we are going to die. Death is often like some rumor that has been spread, that you don't want to believe until you see it. It is constantly all around us in various forms, but until it actually reaches us in some way, we haven't faced it, or haven't dealt with it. If you ask most people a poll, about how they would like to die, most will tell you in their sleep because they desire death for them to be unknown, or part of a dream that they just don't wake up from. Most don't want to die knowing that they are going to die because panic sets in most times for people realizing that they didn't do something, or that they wanted to finish something, or they become worried about people that they leave behind. But one thing is certain. If people can go out on whatever terms they desire, they will accept, and take that road and prepare themselves mentally. especially those that believe they have lived a good life, have given all they could give, have experienced things that we will never see, and can accept the fact that the time may be near for them.

Most of us somewhere around my age who have older people of this mindset realize just how tough they really are. These people came out of the depression era and slightly beyond, and most times had to fight for everything. Food, homes, their own very rights, and struggled most of their lives for their families, and children, because it is what was required of them. they were possibly in major wars, they didn't have cell phones or running water in some cases, and were used to rallying around each other for support, and making things work for the greater good of the situation. Sacrifice is a key word in their lives. They were givers for the most part because they had to be, and it became second nature to them. This is the mentality of strength, and courage that most people from this era had in them, and most bring with them when they get older, because they feel that life was lived by them. They need not prove anything else, because they did what they set out to do which is provide, and be strong people. They lived a life of dignity and they refuse to be humiliated after such a life. They are able to face their mortality with the same dignity that they faced life.

So when the time comes for a choice of wishes, the least that we can do is respect what those wishes are, even though they may not be what we wish. What we wish is that they would possibly live forever, which of course can't happen, but we often wish that they would at least try to live as long as possible by doing the things that could help that scenario. Sometimes a person their age just gets tired. They just want to go out without any trouble. Not for anyone else, but for themselves. They accept the fact that when their time comes, then it will be their time. End of story. the amount of toughness, and courage that takes for that mentality to happen is extraordinary. Many people live their life trying not to die, and not what they should be doing which is trying to live.

When a life like that has been lived, and that much courage been demonstrated, how can you not respect the wishes of the person or people that you love to go out on the highway the way they want to? No matter what your personal feelings are about what they should do, they have earned the right to do what they want to do without argument, without conflict, without judgment, and without complaint. What they do need is your love, understanding and admiration for the absolute amount of balls that it takes to decide for themselves that if they are going to go, it will be on their terms, and their wishes. Anyone who has reached that point and can make that decision deserves for everyone to take a step back and accept it. It may hurt, it may be painful to stand and fee like you cannot do anything, but it is also if you observe very closely, an important lesson that you can take with you, and probably the last and most important lesson that you will be given by them. That lesson is that you go through life and try to give as much of yourself to give to everyone and leave pieces of yourself to all you touch and come in contact with..But still save enough of a piece to give to yourself. You will have earned it. When that time comes that you can give to yourself , then take it, and don't let anyone have that last valuable piece of you. Remember that, when watching the people that raised you make their decisions about themselves. Because there will come a day when you have to make that decision for you. And the very last thing you will want is for people to tell you that they know what's best for you.

If your elders have lived a good long life, and have given of themselves willingly, and you have learned lessons from them, received love from them, and admired courage from them, then you must by now understand them. And if your elders are anything like some of mine, they will want to go out their way, on their terms. Because that is who they are. Tough as nails. Let them do as they please. It is the utmost respect that you can give them. And when they are gone, after tears, and memories flood you, there will be a time when you will smile, and understand and appreciate just how much courage they really had to ride out the highway of life on their own terms. That's when you will say to yourself, "I hope I'm as lucky."