The hardest thing to continually accept in life is that at some point the people you love the most in the world and who have been in the most important parts of your life will pass on. Meaning ones parents, grandparents or whoever has done the rearing and making of you as an individual. You grow up, and they are there. You graduate from school and they are there. You get married, they are there. You fall on hard times, and they are right there. In every major aspect of your life, the people that raised you were there to give you major advice, support, perspective from their point of view, and inspiration. Often times the roles seemingly become reversed as we all of a sudden in our minds become the parent, and they the child as they become older, weaker, and maybe their minds aren't as sharp, because they no longer are in the prime of their lives. Maybe they have deteriorated physically, or from our point of view don't seem to know what's best for themselves anymore. They seem to need taking care of, and all of a sudden we in our minds think that we know what's best for them. Even though we feel all of these things, the truth of the matter is simple..We remain the children as long as they are alive. And since we are the children, a level of respect is in order. And a hard truth is within that respect. Given the opportunity to go out on their own terms, if you love them, you have to accept it. Plain and simple.
None of us know how we are going to die. Death is often like some rumor that has been spread, that you don't want to believe until you see it. It is constantly all around us in various forms, but until it actually reaches us in some way, we haven't faced it, or haven't dealt with it. If you ask most people a poll, about how they would like to die, most will tell you in their sleep because they desire death for them to be unknown, or part of a dream that they just don't wake up from. Most don't want to die knowing that they are going to die because panic sets in most times for people realizing that they didn't do something, or that they wanted to finish something, or they become worried about people that they leave behind. But one thing is certain. If people can go out on whatever terms they desire, they will accept, and take that road and prepare themselves mentally. especially those that believe they have lived a good life, have given all they could give, have experienced things that we will never see, and can accept the fact that the time may be near for them.
Most of us somewhere around my age who have older people of this mindset realize just how tough they really are. These people came out of the depression era and slightly beyond, and most times had to fight for everything. Food, homes, their own very rights, and struggled most of their lives for their families, and children, because it is what was required of them. they were possibly in major wars, they didn't have cell phones or running water in some cases, and were used to rallying around each other for support, and making things work for the greater good of the situation. Sacrifice is a key word in their lives. They were givers for the most part because they had to be, and it became second nature to them. This is the mentality of strength, and courage that most people from this era had in them, and most bring with them when they get older, because they feel that life was lived by them. They need not prove anything else, because they did what they set out to do which is provide, and be strong people. They lived a life of dignity and they refuse to be humiliated after such a life. They are able to face their mortality with the same dignity that they faced life.
So when the time comes for a choice of wishes, the least that we can do is respect what those wishes are, even though they may not be what we wish. What we wish is that they would possibly live forever, which of course can't happen, but we often wish that they would at least try to live as long as possible by doing the things that could help that scenario. Sometimes a person their age just gets tired. They just want to go out without any trouble. Not for anyone else, but for themselves. They accept the fact that when their time comes, then it will be their time. End of story. the amount of toughness, and courage that takes for that mentality to happen is extraordinary. Many people live their life trying not to die, and not what they should be doing which is trying to live.
When a life like that has been lived, and that much courage been demonstrated, how can you not respect the wishes of the person or people that you love to go out on the highway the way they want to? No matter what your personal feelings are about what they should do, they have earned the right to do what they want to do without argument, without conflict, without judgment, and without complaint. What they do need is your love, understanding and admiration for the absolute amount of balls that it takes to decide for themselves that if they are going to go, it will be on their terms, and their wishes. Anyone who has reached that point and can make that decision deserves for everyone to take a step back and accept it. It may hurt, it may be painful to stand and fee like you cannot do anything, but it is also if you observe very closely, an important lesson that you can take with you, and probably the last and most important lesson that you will be given by them. That lesson is that you go through life and try to give as much of yourself to give to everyone and leave pieces of yourself to all you touch and come in contact with..But still save enough of a piece to give to yourself. You will have earned it. When that time comes that you can give to yourself , then take it, and don't let anyone have that last valuable piece of you. Remember that, when watching the people that raised you make their decisions about themselves. Because there will come a day when you have to make that decision for you. And the very last thing you will want is for people to tell you that they know what's best for you.
If your elders have lived a good long life, and have given of themselves willingly, and you have learned lessons from them, received love from them, and admired courage from them, then you must by now understand them. And if your elders are anything like some of mine, they will want to go out their way, on their terms. Because that is who they are. Tough as nails. Let them do as they please. It is the utmost respect that you can give them. And when they are gone, after tears, and memories flood you, there will be a time when you will smile, and understand and appreciate just how much courage they really had to ride out the highway of life on their own terms. That's when you will say to yourself, "I hope I'm as lucky."
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