Shattered innocence: Ripples of tragedy

I thought long and hard about what I was going to write about this unimaginable tragedy, and I almost had something written, but it was what I was thinking so I scrapped it. I then  actually wasn't going to write anything, but I have to. I wanted to write what I was feeling, and what I was feeling was truly a mix of indescribable feelings that we all felt. But what I was feeling, looking at the faces of the children slain was tremendous sadness, but also intense anger. And here is why:

When I was between the ages of 5 ad 10, two weeks before Christmas, there was only one thing on my mind..Santa, and just what fun I was going to have Christmas day opening the things that I looked forward to getting. There was a knot in my stomach, as each day brought Christmas closer and closer, until I couldn't even sleep five days before the big event, because I wanted to play with new things, that in my day needed building, like model dinosaurs, or robots, or games that needed to be played with, or new books to read. whatever it was, it was new, and as far as I was concerned, the jolly man in the red suit had something to do with me getting them. I loved the Christmas time of the year, and yes, back then I even loved snow because it added to the whole magical experience of what Christmas was all about. Everyone seemed happier, more loving, and of course as far as my own behavior, I was determined to be as good as possible, so Santa didn't pass me over. It was an innocent time, and looking back on it now, it still makes me laugh, because no matter how grown up I become, or intense my thoughts are as an adult, I can't forget how I felt on those Christmas Eve nights of going to bed at 7:30 so that Santa could see how good I was. And awaking sometimes around midnight thinking that I heard something on the roof. The outside world didn't matter to me. Countries fighting, people getting killed or hurt, bad people walking around..It all didn't matter because I knew that I was going to get toys on December 25th. And when that day came, it was glorious. I think all of us as adults remember those days, and recall not thinking of anything else except what was going to be under that tree when we got up. I thank the universe for those days and the ability to have that innocence. And that is what seems to be bothering me the most about the tragic events at Sandy hook elementary school. Those children who survived, will never have what I had.

What I had was a time of year associated with joy, friendship, love, and laughter. I was bothered all weekend, and am still bothered in the pit of my stomach of just how much innocence was shattered. A child sees through eyes of wonder, and children don't relay or articulate everything that bothers them, because they can't just yet. They can't process it with thought. It comes out in other ways. That pertains particularly to painful and traumatic experiences that are associated with time. All of the innocent children in that school were thinking collectively about one thing..Christmas, and Santa. That's it.  I am sure that they were excited, revved up, and couldn't sleep some nights thinking of just how much fun this time of the year is, and many were at the age where they could understand just how fun it was going to be. To not only snatch the life of innocent children and their wonderful teachers, but to snatch the innocence of those children who survived and endured is really the most hurtful thing that I can think of happening here in America in my lifetime.

Although I am hurt, and shocked, and somehow in a daze as the rest of the world is, this focus is not about me. It is not about someone's agenda on gun control, and it certainly isn't about the person that committed the heinous crime, nor about the idiotic copy cats who look for opportunities to garner themselves attention. It is about the collective innocence in that day that was lost forever, and how those children will never despite counseling, despite wonderful love of parents and community, and despite the fact that many weren't in the immediate vicinity, this time of the year for them holds something sinister in their minds that they won't be able to articulate, and process for some time.These are the ripples of tragedy. Many children will have a hard time sleeping, will have a hard time going back to school, and even functioning in school. All because that sense of wonder has turned into a sense of fear. They will possibly feel in danger all of the time, and somewhere in their subconscious Christmas will be a time to be afraid.  That really bothers me, and as this unfolds, it will bother me even more.

I don't have children, and there are times when I think that could be my only life's regret. I would have possibly loved to have seen the world again the way I used to know it through the eyes of an offspring. I would have possibly loved to see a miniature version of pieces of myself develop and become a person of their own. I sympathize with the parents who have to explain this tragedy, and who have to reassure their children that they are safe, even though they as parents don't really believe it themselves.It is a cruel world out there more full of people who are unstable than we would like to believe.We have as adults have seen some heinous things reported on the news, and shake our heads at how certain things can happen. we have become hardened in a society that seems to push the envelope as far as what we can take seeing or hearing about. But no one was ready for  something like this. A new threshold was crossed, and it dragged everyone over the line kicking screaming, and crying. The only thing I can recall in my lifetime that felt like this was September 11th 2001.

I write this Blog not only to express my concern for these young children, but also for me, because writing is cathartic for me. I could not help but feel pain, sadness and anger just like everyone else, but when I remembered just what it was like for me at their age, it was like a knife in my gut. Children are gone. The ones that were killed have been cheated out of life, but the ones that are still here have been robbed of the inner thing that makes  children what they are.Someone's room is empty, and to many parents also nothing will be the same whether it is this time of the year or not. The smile, the laughter, the curiosity, and love of someone's child has been silenced. The innocence of those left was shattered, and nothing is really going to bring that back. And that should sit in the pit of all of our stomachs. I really don't know how some people that this has happened to will get back to normalcy, and I suspect that for many it will not ever happen.

With 9/11, the saying is "Never forget". We should include the day of December 14th 2012 as part of the days to never forget. Because there are many little people who don't understand, that don't have a choice. They will never forget. And besides the tragic event itself, that is what upsets and angers me the most.

The Language Of Other: Demonizing people 101

In the TV movie"The Tuskegee Airmen" the story of the all black fighting squad who excelled in World War II, as the men were lined up in civilian clothes in orientation before Boot camp, they heard two speeches as they stood in line formation. One from the colonel who was the commanding officer of the program, and the Major who was director of training. Both men were white. The Colonel's speech was very encouraging, and stated that the program to training these "Colored" men would be fair, and that he was confident that with hard work these men would succeed, even though the odds were stacked against them in some people's eyes. The Major's speech was a very different tone. He asked a man in line why he wanted to join the Air Corps. The man's response was "To serve my country". The Major sneered, and his response was " Are you stupid? You people... This ain't your country boy. Your country is full of apes, and gorillas, and Malaria." Racism at its finest. But that response is very pertinent to what this Blog is about because however directly insulting that response was, there even today are subtle versions of that in all forms, that require dissecting if we are ever going to have a society where people are judged fairly, and looked upon without "The language of other."

The foundation for any type of racism, bigotry, or dismissal of individuals in most forms is that language. And the language doesn't have to be a verbal response, it can be a thought process. It is so easy to dismiss people when you have reduced them to a stereotype, or an idea that they don't have feelings like you do, or that they are from some other place geographically, mentally, physically or spiritually that you not only are not from, but would never venture to go. To take the empathy out of dealing with human beings is to reduce them to some alien, or some strange foreign animal that you can't relate to. Therefore it makes it very easy for one to say whatever they choose, without the guilt that you are actually an insulting insensitive person. The mental gymnastics that occurs says. "How can I care, or treat them with respect, when they are evil, and not like me who is good?" This is the twisted way of thinking that creates "The language of other" to the extent that it creates an elevation of ones self above who you are vilifying which then allows you to call names, and be completely unabashed with your condemnation of how "These people" think, feel, live, and come to their perspectives. And I am talking regular folks, not criminals, not bad people, but just "people" within a group, or a segment of folks that in the mind of the language are unworthy of treatment of respect or at least cordial exchange.

The language is a manipulation tactic used in politics, religion, twisted forms of patriotism, racism, and even children's playgrounds where some learn this language early in life.Example: (So and so is fat, so we don't like him/her, and shall treat him/her different) Kids don't stand a chance when they see and catch adults doing it. Turning people into objects to be feared and hated is easier for some than it is to understand or even get to know their neighbor and be empathetic. The language is used primarily to create scapegoat-ism and have someone else take the blame for misfortunes, or to just justify a personal dislike for both individuals or groups of individuals. To dislike or even say unjustifiable things about people you don't know requires justification, or else the perpetrator of those feelings, and language are just seen as ignorant and uneducated (Which those who are smart enough will see as true anyway), but the mental gymnastics done by the person using the language justifies them in their mind. "You should be afraid of them. They are not like you and me" is the inference that is needed to sustain this line of thinking and this language, and it is done way too often in full view of people who refuse to acknowledge it. This language is covert and coded, yet overt at the same time. It permeates the subconscious of those gullible enough to fall for it, or afraid enough to feel that they have no choice but to take some imaginary side for their own well being, and safety. It is definitely fear based, because fear is a visceral feeling that often overrules logic, and rational thinking. When one is afraid, there is the urge to clutch onto a limb. And that limb is usually "The language of other, because what makes one afraid but the unknown. And often other people are unknown, so the fear and xenophobia come smack dab in the middle of rational collective thinking.

In order for us as human beings to respect one another, and take the society that we most of us want, we need to obliterate this language, and call it out whenever it rears its head. It is prominent  and more subtle now because it has become unfavorable to use blatant language when demonizing people. That is why it is covert and often accepted as non existent. Being a fan of words, phrases, and how people talk, and have talked in the past, I recognize this language immediately, and I am well aware of what damage it does in the minds of people. The primary engine of racism in this country as well as oppression in different countries is this language. And the reason that people can't seem to come together is because this language keeps us apart from one another in fear and anger that someone is doing something to us to ruin our well being. What really ruins our well being is the inability to speak the language of "together." Which we all over the world are as humans.

 I personally am sick and tired of "The language of other" because every time it looks as though people may come together in friendship, someone speaks that language, and others follow. And all of a sudden a fellow human being isn't a fellow human being, they are "Those people". I see this language and hear it not because I look for it, but because it is there like some ugly lump in the rug that everyone seems to walk by as if not noticing. Those Black people, those White people, those overweight people, the immigrants, those Muslims, Those Liberals, those Conservatives, those rich, those poor..Etc. Throughout history, human beings have decided to distance themselves from fellow human beings by using the language of other. All fearing one another and one group blaming some other group in some idiotic fashion instead of understanding one another, and helping each other, and coming together to fight our common enemy, which is ignorance. Human beings' worst threat is their own stupidity. And you would think that in this day and age it would be eradicated, but I have found out that stupidity and ignorance now have even more traction than productive thinking because you can reach more people with fear than with logic.

Someday maybe in a distant future far from here, people will eliminate that language, and deal with each other on some level of sophistication that requires interaction and rejection of coded justification. But until then, we must suffer through, call out, expose and reject the language that keeps us apart blaming and hating one another...
"The language of other."

The Matriarch: A tribute

For my Grandmother's funeral a few family members decided that they wanted to say a few words in her remembrance. I decided that I wanted to also. I decided that I would not write anything down, because I did not want something rehearsed or stiff. I wanted to say what I felt at the moment, but I at least decided to pick one word to draw from, and that word was "Matriarch". My Grandmother was an amazing matriarch, and I wanted to say some of just what makes matriarchs and her in particular so special. I can't remember everything I said, but I remember some of it, and now will write it down and elaborate the way I would have, if I allowed myself to.

When you look up the word "Matriarch in the dictionary, the word means "A woman who rules or dominates a family", or "A mother who is head and ruler of her family and descendants". Many women are mothers, and very good ones at that. But it takes a special individual to be a matriarch. That person has to have the instincts of nurturing, the aura of knowledge and wisdom, and the patience to be the mother of more than just her immediate offspring. It takes years to fortify this role. Years of being where you are needed, solving crisis after crisis, and being the mother within the family circle that everyone looks up to, can trust, and feels safety from. Not just those fuzzy feelings are important, but the ones of authority, and identification of being a disciplinarian have to exude from a matriarch. True matriarchs don't have to work at having these things. They just do. Those qualities are crystal clear and sometimes very powerful, as most people under them defer, and often seek out the shelter, comfort, and yes discipline of that person who can give them advice, solace, and unfiltered sound common sense. The hardest thing for Matriarchs to do is negotiate not stepping on the toes of actual mothers of children other than her own, but so strong is their presence that even those mothers stand out of the way,  and sometimes often even send their own children to the matriarch when they don't know what to do or say.

My Grandmother was an extraordinary woman wise well beyond her education, and she was a shrewd observer of people. She understood more about human nature, and what people might do or say, than most psychologists, but her gift was her ability to exude a motherly figure to anybody from any walk of life, let alone her own family. She was fearless in her ability to say exactly what was on her mind, in such a manner that people did not feel threatened, and her willingness to talk about any subject was admirable. She just understood that life is for living, and there is no subject that someone should hold themselves from discussing, because information is important, and how you obtain that information is even more important. She talked about sex, religion, the incredible history of her family, relationships, and anything that needed to be discussed she wouldn't shy away from. She once told me that she has always slept well at night because she doesn't bite her tongue, which of course meant telling people things that they didn't necessarily want to hear. I can remember relatives, or other folks leaving in a huff, or overhearing people suggesting that she shouldn't talk like this or that. But in the end, they always came back to the house because somewhere along the line they found out that what she was telling them was correct, and they were usually good after that because they trusted her from then on with any other advice. That is what matriarchs do. They rule not by threats, or by power, or money. They rule by love, and honesty, and trust. She was feisty, forthright, and sometimes brutal, but it was never done mean spirited. You always knew that at the core of what she was saying was love, and your best interests. People felt comfortable telling her the most intimate details of their lives and thoughts, and she didn't judge, she listened. I asked her once if she ever got tired of people calling on her, and being the mother to everyone, and she immediately said, "No it's just what I do. I don't mind at all."

White, Black, old, young, it didn't matter. There were people that needed my grandmother, and went to her, or called her for whatever reason that they needed to talk. She was extraordinary in her dealings with people, and didn't have a blueprint. She just reacted to however their temperament was, and how they as an individual acted and saw things, and adjusted herself from there. She was one of 9 children, and had to care for her sick mother when she was a child, cleaning her cancer sores and changing her bandages, and cooking for the family, and fighting, yes  physically fighting boys and girls bigger than her who would  mess with her siblings. She had a tremendous sense of family, and was at the bedside of many siblings that died, and assisted the midwife at the birth of many people in the family including myself. She could cook incredible food, she had a wonderful sense of humor, and was always encouraging in every way possible. I once asked my Grandfather to help me fix something and she interrupted by saying, "Why don't you ask me? I can do anything your Grandaddy can do!" And it was true. When my mother needed to go to work to make money, my Grandmother immediately said, "Go ahead..I'll raise Melvin". And that she did. When I wanted to be a musician, she said, "Ok, but do it, and don't mess around."

The lessons that I learned from this woman were invaluable lessons that one could never ever learn in a school. Her nurturing, discipline, wisdom, how her and my Grandfather treated one another as a couple, provided me with more of a solid foundation than I could have ever hoped for. These were people of integrity, honesty, loving, and dignified personalities, who came from nothing, and valued everything that they worked for. They wasted nothing, and never ever bought things just to have them. My love of reading came from my Grandmother's insistence of putting every book she could find in front of my nose. Not just "Cat In The Hat", but complex things like writings by Winston Churchill, and National Geographic were presented to me to read and digest, and she provided me with a dictionary to look up any word that I didn't know. I feel completely blessed not in a religious sense, but in a spiritual sense to have been reared by this extraordinary matriarch, and my incredibly wise Grandfather. I could not have asked for a better upbringing.

It broke my heart when my Grandmother died, not only because I wasn't able to get there in time, but because I feel like the roots and best part of what defines me is no longer here. When going in that house recently my first instinct was to go into my Grandmother's room and say, "Hey Honey, I'm here!" It is a terrible feeling when you lose someone you love so deeply, and who has been such an integral part of your life for so long. My Grandfather was married to her for 55 years, which is longer than I have been alive so he is having an even rougher time. But I know that my Grandmother would want me to be strong, and continue to do the very best of whatever it is that I want to do. And that is just what I will do, because she did not believe in doing anything half assed.  Strangely I feel very strong now, and want to make her proud of me, so I am even more focused than ever before. She would want me to continue my efforts to be the best I could be, and look after my Grandaddy, because without those two, I shudder to think at who I would have become, or what my character would have been.

I wish that all who read this could have known my Grandmother, and talked to her. I believe that all who did were left with something better than when they arrived. Like or not what she said, or how she said it, this family of mine was blessed with this amazing person, who loved, who laughed, who spoke the truth, and who made everyone feel like they were one of her children.
And that my friends is what a matriarch's main job is...To make you say to yourself, "I could easily call this person Mother."
And that is what Honey did best. I will never forget my Grandmother..."The Matriarch".

Simmer Down Now: Cooler heads prevail, where hot heads fail

As even keeled as I am, I have had moments of complete lack of discipline and restraint. There have been moments where I was quite pissed and lost my temper, moments where I have made rash decisions based upon knee jerk reactions, and made stupid statements without knowing facts. For those incidences I have paid the price of embarrassment, hurt others' feelings, and gotten into trouble that I have had to either talk my way out of, or apologize for. But here is the ironic thing: If I keep living, those things will happen again, because being human means falling into certain traps that humans often create for themselves and fall into. So even though early in my life I made more of those mistakes, as I got older there have been instances, but significantly less of them than when I was young and stupid. Now that I am older and a little less stupid, I am aware that these instances cause nothing but trouble for myself and often others, so with the backlog of what I guess I would call wisdom, I take important precautions to not jump to conclusions and choose to distance myself from certain situations to at least let some things play out, and develop, or more information to evolve before jumping into some hornet's nest of controversy.

I have many friends who are cops, and they tell me that 95% of what they do is dealing with people while handling situations. The situations that are most volatile require one to be well versed in people behavior-reading skills, gathering facts concerning the particular situation, and just good old fashioned common sense. For most of my friends who are cops, the biggest issue for a volatile situation between many parties is someone who just doesn't know when to shut up. That individual usually pours gasoline on the process, and makes the situation not only prickly for the ones involved, but also for the officers who are trying to assert themselves as authority figures on the scene. Usually that individual has to be either threatened or contained, so that the act of tamping down the heated moment, and sorting out information can proceed. It is never really easy because that individual usually has some vested interest in the situation, and wants to assert themselves also. So there then becomes the 3 factions of the ones that know the situation, the ones that are required to know, and the ones that think they know.

We are all guilty at some point in our lives of expressing ourselves in a way that is detrimental to a particular outcome, and in afterthought wish that we could have that moment back to exert better judgment. It should be obvious to us as adults that cooler heads are way more successful at problem solving situations than hot under the collar bombast, but often people just don't learn. Some people habitually insert themselves into situations that they have no business in because it either doesn't involve them, or they are not privy to certain facts that they need to be aware of. Sometimes important information takes awhile to surface concerning something, so being silent would certainly be productive to receiving information, but too many folks can't do that either. Some people cannot help the narcissistic urge to stick their chest out, and claim be the holder of knowledge that they certainly do not have, and that no one asked them to respond to.

We as individual human beings have a tendency to create an imaginary universe in which we see things not as they really are, but as we are, and no matter how realistic we believe our worldview is, there is always a slant that our personality, beliefs, and biases put upon things. It is within this prism universe that the trouble of not keeping a cool head occurs because naturally we believe that we are right, and everyone else needs to fall in line. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having convictions and beliefs, and opinions, but often people open their mouth first, and think later, and therefore getting more heated is a more dignified path of least resistance than backtracking and saying that something was a mistake. There are an infinite number of times in our lives where the best remedy for embarrassment is silence, and the best methodology for volatile situations is just taking a step back for a moment to process information, and assess the situation. The residual bad fallout of knee jerk reactions from people have done more damage in history than can fill up an encyclopedia. Whether it happens on a large scale on a world stage, or a small scale disagreement involving residents and local cops, someone has to have a cool head in order to diffuse potential problems. And in order to have a cool head, one must 1)understand the facts, 2)know just who or what they are dealing with  and 3) understand what a cool head is supposed to do. And a cool head's primary objective is to not make things worse. A cool head also has to see and assess all grey areas in between, and not just a world in black and white.

Hot heads will always fail because they are observing and reacting to the emotional "Me" of the situation, where a cooler head will be more concerned about the ramifications of words and actions that concern the bigger picture of all involved. So people just need to simmer down, and take a step back if we are ever going to communicate with each other on a social personal level that we can all respect. Whenever you feel the need to open your mouth, you have to ask yourself a couple of things. "Am I infiltrating this situation to just show off, or do I really have something to offer that is productive, and thoughtful of all parties involved?" Since most of us have some sort of ego to display, the answer may be 8 times out of ten to just show off. So armed with that information, the most prudent thing to do is 3 words: Just shut up.

Even armed with this important information, I often bite my lip raw in an effort to not speak. I'm human. But I'm proud of the restraint that I have learned because it's just not worth it most times.I have learned that cooler heads prevail where hot heads fail, and just shutting up sometimes is the best thing for everyone. I just wished that there were more folks with raw lips walking around.

Deaf, Dumb, And Unkind: The plight of today's spoiled and self absorbed

I don't judge folks on what they wear, how much money they make, or what they think about life as long as they are honest with themselves and have their own thoughts. We all have flaws. What I do judge people on are their actions, especially how they act when they truly believe that no one is paying attention to them.

 I stopped at a local gas station and leaned against my car while my car filled up, and just looked around people watching as I always do. Some kid about mid 20's comes out of the convenience store part and apparently went in to get an item while his car filled up over on the next island. I watched him saunter out of the store, throw a piece of paper half ass at the outside garbage can and miss the can completely. I watched him observe the piece of paper fall next to the can, and he looked at it, and proceeded to put the pump away, and get into his car without any attempt at picking up the piece of paper. I watched then as he sat in his seat and lit a cigarette (apparently the item he bought) and then threw the smoldering match(yes match) out onto the cement where of course gas fumes, and Diesel fuel residue reside. he then turned on his car, and proceeded to blast some God awful "music"(Term I use loosely) at unbearable volume, as he apparently had a whole surround sound system in his car that was equivalent to the ones they use in today's movie theaters. And then he drove off, spinning his wheels in the process, as if he owned everything around him. As I went to go pick up the piece of paper that would've taken him all of a second to pick up, I thought about the amount of complete lack of caring about anything but himself that just occurred, and unfortunately how the ratio of these people is increasing dramatically.

Because we as Americans have everything, and I mean everything ready at our fingertips, it is so easy to be self absorbed especially the young people who are growing up knowing only that particular aspect of "Life On Demand" Now people have every aspect of technology and information ready and accessible so much that the rest of the world and the critical thinking that is needed to figure out your place within it, is being lost. People become so wrapped up in whatever information they need that pertains to them, and only them, that they become selfish, and totally oblivious to how they are impacted, and just how they impact. Just a piece of paper that the kid missed? Yes, but there is a bigger picture. all of the actions that I observed in that 45 second window of watching this kid tell me that he cares about absolutely no one. He has deemed himself in his mind as center of the universe, and anyone else doesn't matter. Driving out of there with his music blasting beyond any decent volume, he did not care that someone else had to pick up his garbage. He did not care that the smoldering match could have ignited a minor mushroom cloud at the gas station. he did not care that no one wanted to know just what music he was listening to. So in my mind as I picture this kid going about his life and daily journeys I picture him as being a tremendous problem, as he cares not what kind of wake he leaves, or the consequences of minor or major actions, because in his mind, it is all about him.

That is what is being created right now, as this country becomes more dependent upon results "on demand", and patience and thought of life beyond that which one inhabits goes right out the window. I know that I sound like every generation before, where each generation starts off a rant of their children with "Ya know kids today...." But this applies even more so now. There are individuals within the "On Demand" generation who are more selfish, more impatient, more rude, more disrespectful of everything around them than most of some generations put together. It all comes down to what society subliminally puts within the minds of a particular generation, and what is put in these minds is money, fashion, material things such as the latest cell phones, and the no attention span dynamics of existence. You would think with the access to historical archives on the internet, that this would be the most historically aware generation ever, but no. Their needs for information are fluff, and the rate with which they turn from focusing on one thing to another is akin to just changing channels in the TV of their minds. You would think that this generation would know more about the world, its geography, the people and actions going on than any generation in history. But they can't even point out Japan on a map. With all of the crap around them, they are still bored and unmotivated to explore themselves or examine how the world of nature works around them. Everything is thought for them, and nothing is a consequence.

Do I mean everyone from this "On Demand" generation? No. I am not blanketing, but I do see a common thread evolving from this crop of American kids. "Me, Me What about me, and my needs, and enough about me, let's talk some more about me.." Now there are quite a few kids that care about others, about the environment, about their and others' impact upon the world, but this kid at the gas station is slowly taking over. The selfish, unaware, and uncaring kid that will grow up to be the most obnoxious whining adult, who will make problems up to bitch about. I am usually very positive in my writing, but I believe in telling what I see. And when I went to pick up this kid's garbage and put it in the trash for him, I was pissed. Because for him, this is just the beginning of people cleaning up after him and his mess, and it is just the beginning of him not caring. And the more he doesn't care, the better at not caring he will become, and the less things that pertain to the lives of others matter to him, until his life becomes just one big vacuum of what he can get for himself, and how others don't matter.

No one kid defines a generation, but this just made me look closer at what I've already seen taking place. That one instant just made clearer to me the common denominators of just what kind of individuals will be running this joint in years to come. That is what we are headed for within this "On Demand" generation, and if you are young and reading this, and not one of those kids, then you have a very tough road ahead of you, because  unlike the message in The Bible, the way it works now is that the selfish inherit the earth. The rest of us are there to listen to them complain.

Pre Post Racial: Gabby Vs. Utopia

Now that the Olympics are over, and done, and we are celebrating American athleticism at its finest, some disturbing conversations to me that don't employ common sense were reverberating from different mouths. The spectacular young lady Ms. Gabby Douglas became the first African American to become the individual all around champion in Gymnastics, and proudly America embraced her as they should because she is a spectacular individual full of positivity, passion for what she does, and embodies the spirit of perseverance to the max, as she is quite a lesson in the attitude of "Go out and get it if you want it." What she did took "Balls", "Intestinal Fortitude", "Courage", whatever you want to call it, she has it, and is truly someone who at this early stage in her life, should be looked up to for inspiration. What disturbed me were cries of people complaining and wondering just why we have to announce that she is the first African American to accomplish what she accomplished. Most people have good intentions in their minds because they want a world where that notation doesn't have to be stated, but it is truly a horse blinder statement of not malice, but ignorance. And it is in the ignorance that I have the problem with.

To be absolutely truthful, that is the ultimate utopian goal in our society which is to honor achievements based upon non color categories. A great portion of Americans are truly hoping for that wonderful day when all barriers have been broken, and no one sees race as a wall, but a bridge where people and what they accomplish becomes a referendum of the individual, and not a whole race of people whom the individual that accomplishes shares the yolk of. It's obvious as this is the 21st century, and no longer 1947 where Jackie Robinson had to endure major suffering to ensure that his race would have an opportunity. Many people argue that since there is now a Black president in office as of this writing that all is well in America, and we can now stop talking about race. That is absolutely the most ridiculous thing that I have ever heard, dangerous, and complete nonsense to anyone whose eyes are wide open. It would be nice, but it is not realistic of the America, and world that we live in. Yes there have been major steps forward, and yes there is a more rainbow like landscape of some aspects of America as it pertains to achievement and position, but there are still barriers to be broken, and still hurdles to be jumped, and over 300 years of systemic oppression and laws of the paper and mind will not be wiped out by just 48 years of a law preventing such acts. 48 years..That is not even half a lifetime, and many grandparents remember just what they couldn't and weren't permitted to do, and that pertains to North AND South of the Mason Dixon line.

Race has been the tricky fault line of America ever since people came to this land. Whether it be what happened to Native Americans, African Americans, Irish Immigrants, Chinese rail workers, or Japanese in Internment camps. Race is the big red blotch on the history of this country that we are still feeling the effects of, but Blacks have a special notch in that situation because of just how they ended up here, the brutality that it took to keep them from achieving anything, and the residual impact of broken families, and no sense of identity during the process. This is not whining. This is reality, and I challenge someone to put themselves and their families through those things willingly for generations and have a better outcome..Not gonna happen, so with that information, of course there will be extraordinary individuals who rise to the surface, and achieve, but those incidents will be slow and steady. Just imagine if those brilliant folks like Benjamin Banneker, or Frederick Douglass had been given the equal tools of achievement..

So as we trample into the 21st century, yes we still have things that have not been achieved. So when Ms. Gabby Douglas does something that hasn't been achieved by someone of her race, it is equivalent of making a note of reference such as the first woman in space, or someone who might be a first Hispanic head of neurology in a hospital, and the list goes on and on. The fact is that there were systematic limitations. Now there are not, so when the first of something happens, it is our duty to remind ourselves not only how far we have come, but how far we still have to go. Someone has to be the first to do something. As it pertains to race, yes there will be more. We are all Americans, but let's not have selective memory, and forget that we were all not treated equally. I know that people either mean well in their attempts to "De Race-ify" events, or they are sick of hearing about race, and want it to go away under some ignorance cloak that if they just don't say anything everyone will be considered equal. Not going to happen. The playing field is full now, but some people just within a lifetime have just recently seen what the ball even looks like.

Do I sound angry? I am at the ignorance of people whether it be unintentional or not. Race issues have not left this country. We have not given race problems walking papers, and now it is looking for another job in another country. Race problems and the accompanying uneasiness, and rip in the American fabric that were created over 300 years ago in this country still exist. Is it better? Yes absolutely! Is it over? You take a look, and ask yourself the hard question, and if you live in a fantasy world, your answer will be much different than if you live in the world of reality. And in that world of reality lives Gabby Douglas and her achievement. And in that world of reality she deserves to be recognized as an American, AND as an African American. That is truth, and often America dodges the truth like it is playing "Hide and Seek". The real world is where America needs to be, and in America's real world Gabby needs to be honored as a person, a Gymnast, an American, and an African American. Why? Because we all still have work to do, and things to achieve. Because of her, there is now one less. Because of her, we are just a little closer to the true idea of America.

For The Sake Of Music: Message to young players

I was working out in the gym the other day, when I saw a young dude staring at me. I actually noticed that he was looking at my shirt. I was wearing my Hendrix 9 to the universe shirt, and it has Jimi in a side silhouette. You have to look very hard to see that it's him, but once you do, you can see how the whole picture makes sense. I said "Hiya doin' man" to break the ice a little. He smiled and asked if that was Jimi Hendrix. I told him yes, and he responded with a nodding head, and saying "Cool". I was surprised because he was a young kid very early 20's and most young kids his age don't know who the hell Hendrix is. I asked if he liked Hendrix, and he said yes. I then asked if he was a musician, and he stated that he was just starting out, and had been playing bass for about 3 months. I told him I am a bass player, and he wanted to know if I gave lessons. I stated that I am not really qualified as a teacher to give proper Bass lessons, and I recommended a friend that does. We started to talk music, and I asked him who he liked. He rattled off some contemporary artists that I really fought rolling my eyes when I heard them. But in some of his choices, there was hope. I asked about one of those, and questioned why he liked them. He kind of shrugged and said that they were cool. I was really curious, and pressed him a little further, and asked what in their music makes them cool. He stated that he wasn't sure, but the music in his words "Felt powerful". Exactly what I was hoping he would say. I asked if he liked The Blues. He said, "You mean like Stevie Ray Vaughn right?" I smirked a little, and said "Yeah but further back than that..Where Stevie Ray got his ideas". He had no idea, so I rattled off some names myself. We talked for another 10 minutes about Blues and music in general, and I gave him a disc of my band and thanked him for talking to me,and wished him luck. I thought about our conversation, and was hoping that I made an impact on a young player. I started to think about just what I would say to all young players if I had the opportunity to talk to them. In my opinion, there are 5 starting point rules that a young musician should follow. So these are the 5 things I would say if I was to make up a manifesto for young players to follow:

1) Play music for the love and reward of music itself. Do not venture into music to get laid, or to become famous or rich. If none of that stuff happens, you still have to have to have the pure desire and love of music to sustain you. Whether it be onstage or in your room, the absolute love of music has to be total, and consuming in order for you to learn, and execute honestly. If you approach it this way, practice will not be a chore..It will be a challenge that you willingly take on daily.

2) Don't just listen to something and like it without knowing the reason. ask yourself why do you like it?..What is in it that makes you desire to hear it? What is in it that fills your soul? As you create a library of music that you like, figure out the common denominator of just why you like different pieces of music or songs, or artists. Figure these aspects out, and that knowledge will help you gravitate towards more inspiration like that, and help you become the musician you see yourself as.

3) Get your ears on everything you can get them on. There is so much music, and so little time in life, but one thing is certain..There is great music from every era, every genre, and every time in history, and you as a musician should want to hear it all.  Why? because it adds to the library of your reference points. When you approach playing, writing, or listening and learning, if you listen to different music you have great ideas that you can pull from, and put in your own arsenal of yourself. Originality is nothing except a conglomerate of ideas gathered from the past, and forged towards the future. It's so much easier now with Youtube, and computers to look up yur favorite legends. I had to listen to a record 33's or 45's and move the needle back to the spot I was listening to figure out what was going on. Tedious but worth it. There is no excuse for a young musician now to not be able to at least set the foundation for the fundamentals of playing.

4) Play like you mean it. Don't dick around. Play like it will be the last time you ever get to do so. It very well could be. Don't be some stupid poser, or someone who is more concerned with looks than with skill. Keep time, play, and play with passion. If you are just going through the motions, it will show big time. The best musicians in history played with a passion and desire that not even recordings could contain. Whatever you do, and whatever you play, make that a part of yourself, and your persona. Do it, or not. It's that simple. People will call you obsessed, and consumed, but I prefer the term "dedicated." For you are not only dedicated to what you do, but who you are, and how you want to leave your mark. Let nothing  or no one stand in the way of that. If someone thinks that you are nuts for wanting to play music, then just smile, and keep on. The true reward the music within you. Attitude over aptitude. Write your own stuff..You will eventually write something good for its own sake.

5) Have fun. Take your music seriously, but don't take yourself too seriously. Music is your escape, and the thing that makes you feel good. Don't let that experience be a miserable one. If you are in a band or playing with musicians that you don't want to play with, then don't. Period. Make your musical experiences joyous, and pleasurable. Life itself has enough bad crap in it. Why make the thing you love most something bad too.  Playing music for me is the most spiritual thing that I have ever experienced. Communicating without words to other people with the sounds and feelings each of you make to make a greater conversation. Priceless. You should come away from that experience completely drained, because you have given yourself, and taken parts of others. But the drain should be invigorating, like a jogger's high.

Those are the things I would say to a young musician today. There are a million other nuanced things, but the 5 that I would start off with are those. I love being a musician and playing music is who I am. I am opinionated beyond a lot of people's belief because I know what I like and what I don't like, instantly, and I can tell you exactly why. But a new musician at least has to find their way..I hope for this young man that I talked to, I gave him something to ponder, and if he sticks with it 20 years from now, he can take pieces of it, and tell someone his story..Music is the bridge..Always. Just glad that I could connect.

Mind speak: The power of saying

The first line at the beginning of any apology, argument, or misunderstanding usually begins with, "But I thought......"
The conversation was about speaking ones mind, and informing others where you stand, and finding out where they stand. No one reads minds, and no one should have to. Speaking ones mind is actually an art unto itself because speaking your mind requires you to know what is actually on it, and how you want to come across when it's revealed. There are too many people who are brash, awkward in dealing with people and say inappropriate things constantly, hurt others' feelings, and piss people off, and they use the excuse of, "Well I just speak my mind." That is a form of laziness and the worst part is that they get away with it, and even rewarded for coming across as honest and real. No you can't go through life without annoying some people, hurting some feelings once in awhile, or being misinterpreted, because sometimes the level of sensitivity in some is ridiculously high, and there are times where you will obviously be misunderstood. But you can be smart when articulating your feelings intelligently, and get your point across, and not just being a lazy individual who doesn't know what to say, so just blurts anything off the top of their head. Sometimes speaking your mind requires thought, and asking questions not only of the other party, but of yourself, and being prepared for answers that you don't like or are ready for. But the one thing that you can count on is that guessing and not knowing something can be torture, and can create many more problems than just flat out asking and knowing. Once you know things, you can not only respond, but make informed decisions about just what your options for something are. There is only one word for that feeling....Power

We as human beings are always walking contradictions with ourselves and our beliefs, and our wishes are sometimes polar opposites of what we say. That is normal in some fashion because most of us reading this have been reared in societies that are industrialized physically yet the moral  codes that we are told to adhere to are based in the spiritual. So we are constantly at war with ourselves because sometimes those two worlds constantly contradict one another in order for us to function in society. It is very easy to say something powerful in belief, yet the next moment perform a task, or engage in activities that completely erase all that was said moments before. The problem lies when people don't realize this, or acknowledge it, and then ramble on a tirade while getting upset when someone calls them out on it. Then the defensive walls come up, and words are spouted with no thought whatsoever to the tune of, "Well I just speak my mind".
The art of speaking your mind acknowledges that there may be some flaws with what you say, but here it is, and it can be discussed. If you want something, then you have to say it, and perhaps expect the consequences of either not getting it, or realizing that it is not really what you wanted at all after you do.
The true power comes from taking control of the situation either way. Being proactive is much easier than being reactive because you set the tone, and if you are smart, the tone is geared towards a productive solution. What that actually means is just being prepared for a response. We as people sometimes ask questions, and then get annoyed at the answers given. That is not fair at all. When that happens, you have just given yourself the power of asking a question, you then take that power away by annoyance, and negative reaction. You don't have to like an answer completely, but it makes sense to accept it since you asked. And since you asked, and got an answer there is no more guess work involved. No more guess work means moving on to either the next equation of the problem, or to something else. And of course the end result and win/win is just good communication by the parties involved. The reason I digressed a little was to point out the fact that sometimes we actually feel powerless because we really don't know what we want, yet we want to say something, or anything to get some ball rolling...Or not. That is the way we humans create miles of confusion, because of our inner contradictions.

There are many idiots out there whose sole purpose is to spout and regurgitate whatever they hear from others without any thought of their own. It's like someone said something, and behind them is that person saying, "Yeah...what he/she said"  Speaking your mind requires one to have a mind, be thoughtful about what they would like to say, and execute it. Also the power comes from picking the proper spots to execute, because it's not a requirement to speak ones mind all of the time, but it is sometimes more wise to listen to others or watch their actions to make an informed decision about whether to even bother or not. A waste of energy is sometimes more draining than the process of guessing about something, or preparing to thoughtfully state what you have stored.. The bottom line is that people need to communicate with one another. Whether it be marriages, work relationships, friendships, or just human beings coming in contact randomly with one another, the idea is to often take the guess work out of communication. It's amazing how many problems are perpetuated, and compounded by the fear of "mind speak." Your terms or conditions for dealing with anyone should be in a nutshell, "I need to say....", or "I need to know..." Then you have power, and power means control. I'm not saying that one needs to control others, but one definitely needs to control what they can control which is their own action, and reaction.

When we guess, all kinds of problems occur and confusion happens when someone didn't ask, and someone didn't find out something.When we understand the constant contradictions, and complexities of how us human beings work, we can take the guess work out of the equation because we understand that something is bound to be misunderstood. I have personally been in many situations where communication didn't happen, and at some point I was probably a big part of the problem in many ways, and if I live long enough, I will be a big part of another communication issue. That is just a given as we go through life. But whether I am or not, I do make a great effort to say what needs to be said and nothing more. Then I can be in control of the gathering of information for my next move. Life is definitely a learning pyramid everyday, and for some, that pyramid is upside down and will topple over because they never learn their own power. And most of that power comes from the act of saying what is on their minds. Think carefully, speak easily, and listen intently. Doing those 3 things will make communication in life much easier, for everyone involved, especially yourself.
"I've got the power" is not just a chant in some rap tune..It's the truth for all of us.

Four On The Floor: The basic traits of human quality

I had the pleasure of getting into a conversation with a local business man right down the street from me. We happened to just be shooting the breeze about his lack of time to go anywhere else, but at his place of business. He was hoping that would change soon, because  he was going to be hiring someone to come in and work some hours, and would have to train them before he felt comfortable just leaving for a night out with his wife. We started to talk about the aspects and traits of quality people. We managed to create a list of just four strong characteristics that he or anyone would be looking for to train or deal with. He stated that if a person had just those four valuable traits, then that was good enough for him to work with. Not 20 traits, not even 10 traits. Just 4 simple things that make a person worthy of not only effort, but make them a worthy individual period. as I walked home, I thought back on our conversation, and about those 4 traits that he was looking for, and I realized that those traits are not just traits that one envisions someone having for a business, or job prospect, but those traits are universal in what we should strive to be, and expect from the people we associate with. Too many times we as people accept behavior from other people that is substandard to just acceptable behavior. No one has to be a saint, or perfect, but have a raised bar for what you will accept out of people you deal with. In my conversation with the gentleman, the consensus between both of us was that if you apply these traits to yourself, and expect them from others, then your tolerance for nonsense will be lowered, and your situations around you just might be better, because you are dealing with a better range of behavioral nuances. Now these traits are not the end all be all of good human quality, but if one has these traits then it makes it easier for everything else to fall into place.

1) Reliability:
As it applies to work, reliability means just showing up on time every day. But surprisingly some folks have a hard time with that one thing. If one can't show up every day on time, then all else can't possibly matter, because that is a basic requirement for having a job. I have overheard people who are habitually late say things like, "But I've been here on time for a week straight". The usual response to that, I am happy to say is, "So what..That's what you're supposed to do..Do you want a medal?"
As reliability applies to regular life, all anyone asks is that someone does what they say they are going to do. And if they can't for some reason, then say that also. Being reliable means being consistent in what you say in conjunction with what you do. If you follow through with doing what you say, then there is no issue with questionable behavior. We are all sometimes walking contradictions with ourselves, but there are people who are just unreliable, and completely the opposite of what their actions indicate. If one changes their mind, then one has the right to do that, but then be honest enough to say that also. If you say that you will be somewhere that someone expects, then either be there, or call, and say that you can't for whatever reason. Don't leave people to twist n the wind. Be a person that someone can count on. It's not as big a burden as one thinks, and the reward is the respect bestowed upon you for your reliability.

2) Trustworthy:
Obviously a thief is not trustworthy, but neither is someone who does things for the sheer reason of what they can get out of it. They will milk something for all it's worth, and then abandon it for another situation that crops up, where they feel they can benefit. Of course the reality is that most people don't do things just all of the time, and 100%  out of the goodness of their heart, but there is a difference between people who do give part of themselves to a situation, or people, and an outright taker, who latches onto things for the reason of taking advantage. The only thing trustworthy means is that a person is aware that whatever situation or job that they are in, is interconnected with something else important, and if they do not participate in the connection with care, and responsibility, then the consequences could be awful. That simple philosophy applies in life, and work. When one is trustworthy, people will give you responsibilities, and know that you actually care about them. Plain and simple.

3) Inquisitive:
It's all right to not know something. It's not all right to not ask. No one is the holder of all knowledge, and everyone will make mistakes. That is how one learns and grows. But too many people don't ask something that they don't know the answers to. Especially on a job, where your performance depends upon knowledge of something, but it is perfectly fine to say, "Can you please explain this. I don't know...." Gaining knowledge requires asking questions, especially to those that know more than you about something. There are some things you can't learn in books, and those things usually are in other peoples' heads. So being inquisitive is a very strong trait although some people see it as weak. In my opinion there really aren't that many stupid questions. But there are millions of questions stupidly unasked. So be inquisitive, and learn. Most people appreciate someone who wants to know, because a thorough knowledge particularly in jobs means more efficiency. But again...That applies to life also.

4) Personable: 
In layman's terms...Be nice. I am constantly amazed at just how many people have an incredible inability to just be nice to people. Some people unfortunately are just plain miserable bastards, who seem to have one goal..To make everyone else around them miserable. Whether you are having a bad day or not, there is no excuse to be nasty to someone. Life is hard enough to negotiate through for all, but someone encountering niceness just makes the burden a tad easier. Being personable just makes dealing with people easier on both ends because when people don't feel threatened, they will reciprocate with kindness also. It's just a win/win. But those who make misery, and confrontation their agenda, wind up as people that no one wants to deal with. The ironic thing is that the person who exhibits these traits will say that they dislike people greatly, because they feel that people "Suck" or "People are miserable". so they take their anger and issues out on people. How wrong is that? Just be nice. It doesn't cost anything, and actually makes life easier, because you will see that people are in the same boat as you in some respects.

Now as I've said, these are not the end all be all of traits, but they are certainly a great foundation for a quality human being. I stop in this business often, and this gentleman always says something that sparks good conversation. I think that we as human beings have so much to offer one another in ideas, reforming thought processes, and just growth in general. Good quality human beings are sometimes unfortunately hard to find, but they are out there. Just make sure they have four on the floor. With those four traits....Like the Beatles said, "We can work it out." Sounds very simple, and it is not rocket science. but believe me, finding those with four on the floor can be as disheartening as trying to learn rocket science. But keep trying..They are out there, and worth it.

Disciple Of Discipline: Following ones own regiment

As I look at my life as an overview at this moment, one word can sum up how I have lived. And that word is "Discipline". As a child I disciplined myself to read voraciously, I taught myself  how to draw with the desire to become an architect, and that was my mission until music spoke to me, and drew me in. When I got my first bass, I put forth discipline upon myself myself to practice daily without any supervision, or teacher, and listened to record after record trying to play song after song. When I got older and first smelled pot, I hated it, and vowed to never let that enter into me, along with any other drugs, and stuck with imposing that discipline upon myself,  and I disciplined myself to not drink. I continue my ways of discipline to work out in a gym, and writing, and I impose what are to some, unrealistic standards upon myself and my conduct, and what I plan to accomplish. I am a disciple of discipline, and constantly try to push the boundaries of what I think I can do just for myself. This discipline I believe came from everything that my Grandparents instilled in me. They raised me, and always told me that I could do whatever I wanted to do in life, if I believed in it, and put forth the effort. I will always be grateful for that, because My Grandmother always said to follow no one but yourself, and your instincts. Be the leader of what you want, not the follower of what someone else wants. Be the Shepherd, and not the sheep. Which brings me to the crux of this Blog.

Many people have no structure among themselves. Something rules the roost of their soul, and Whatever it is, seems to always get in the way of something that they pursue. Whether it be health, a hobby, a task that they want to perform, quitting something, starting something, or for some, just functioning every day in life. Some manage to hook up with people who they "follow", and therefore if they follow, how can they ever lead themselves?  Discipline takes confidence in one's self that something can be accomplished by perseverance, and patience. Patience is the one thing that is a necessary tandem to discipline, because things never happen overnight, but often people get discouraged when it doesn't. Waiting isn't always a requirement for something to happen, but often patience is. There is a distinct difference because one utilizes an individual's involvement and personal  investment into something. Many people sit and wait for something, While others are patient that something will happen because of their proactive involvement. And the discipline that it takes for that patience to happen is crucial to the outcome. There has to be a "Point A", a realistic goal of something, a path to it, and a "Point B" with regimented actions that have to take place in between. The leader is you, as well as the follower, and that is always key.
 Besides work, It would drive me absolutely nuts to have to follow someone because of some reason. Mostly because what everyone else does, I can't stand, so why would I make myself miserable by following it, even if the results seem easy and quick? I don't care for trends, I don't care to assimilate to anyone's standards except my own, and I set my standards high, and don't accept nonsense. I sometimes can't understand why more people abandon this philosophy for low standards of behavior, of their friends' behavior, and what they expect form themselves and people around them. That is freedom to me, and freedom is power. When you are a disciple of discipline, you are actually in control of the very thing that you are supposed to control..Yourself. And you will not let anyone guide you towards something because someone else is doing it, or because of the wrong reasons for doing something. There is only one right reason to do something..Because you want to do it for the act itself. I became a musician and took on the discipline for one reason..Because music spoke to me, and I wanted to play it to the best of my ability. Not for girls, not to be famous, and not to be rich. I tell young musicians that all of the time because if none of those peripheral things happen, you still have to have the burning desire to play music. That should be the reason. So the imposition of discipline upon yourself is a desired burden that is personal, and not subjected to change, because of changing conditions of motivation.
I may drive some people nuts with my regiments routines, standards, and my complete disdain for following what other people are doing, but I will have it no other way. I will always be a disciple of discipline, and a follower of no one but myself. Anyone can have this mindset, if they decide to want it. Like anything discipline takes practice, and patience, and a will to persevere at something. Also an understanding that quite probably the best person that has your best interest is you. You can receive advice, you can take pieces of what other people have done, and add it to your file cabinet of what is you, but in the end, evolve yourself, and follow no one. Whatever you want, be disciplined, and make discipline a part of your repertoire of conduct. Be a disciple of yourself, and you will be amazed at the freedom from pressure that you feel, because whatever someone else does, just doesn't matter.  You set the trend, you set the bar for excellence, and you let people know that whatever is going on, this is what you're doing because you believe in it, and yourself. So whatever you want to do, or not do, you be the supplier of the discipline, and be patient in your practice of it.
 The true reward is you..Leader of yourself...Disciple of your thoughts...Owner of your soul. With discipline, and patience..All of those are possible.

Just One Day: Why?

When I first joined Facebook, it was more out of necessity than anything else. I was going through a tremendously bad emotional time in my life, and I needed a distraction..An escape if you will because the weight of what was going on in my world was pushing my spirit over a cliff. It was still a fairly new social network, as I had heard about it through friends who wanted me to join. I was only really aware of MySpace, because some friends had pages that contained their bands, or music, but I still hadn't joined anything yet. Sitting around one evening focusing on things that bothered me, I decided to join Facebook. It was quickly overwhelming as everyone who remembers first getting on, can recall getting bombarded with friend requests from folks that you haven't seen or heard from in eons, while of course trying to navigate through the maze of newness that this network was for beginners. It was fun, and confusing all at once, as I was wondering just how these people who I hadn't seen or heard from found me. It seemed like every hour there were new people waiting to be friends on here, and when I would leave and come back, there were even more. Once I started understanding how to negotiate through the page, I started to seek out friends on my own, and was ecstatic to find people that I had been wondering what happen to for years. It actually was incredible, and took my mind squarely off of the huge weight that was on me. Musicians, classmates, old neighbors, all were on here, and it was awesome to come here to have fun, and see what everyone was up to. as the novelty of newness wore off, and after I found my little niche of posting music and writing something for it, being the people observer that I am, really focused on this social network and its impact.

At first it was fun and amusing at what folks used to post. What they were doing at the moment, where they were, funny tirades or jokes that made their way onto the page, some pictures of themselves, and friends, tagging photos of groups of people, and some back and forth banter that was hilarious at times. It was actually a cool place. An escape from the real world for awhile, and that is the way it seemed for everyone. After a hard day of work, people would get on, and connect, and have a little unwind from their day of reality. People seemed to be connecting all over the place, and in my eyes that was a great thing. I remember thinking "What a great way to get rid of some boundaries that we all have". The way I saw it, this social network would revolutionize human interaction. Finally, all of the stereotypes, hatreds, and xenophobic tendencies that people had, would start to be chipped away, because someone in Des Moines Iowa could be connected to someone in Compton, and see that person as a person. I was really excited for the human race in general, because of the potential.

Somewhere, Facebook took an ugly ugly turn, as more people, got on, for much longer stints of time, with the ability to scope Facebook from phones, or anywhere else, and the technology of being able to bring anything onto the site, or any picture or thought someone had , meant that the more time people were on, the more things they felt they needed to say. This fake world of escape seemed to be suddenly infiltrated by the real world sentiments of people. Politics reared its nasty head prompting arguments, and ideological cyber fights. Online cliques started to form as people got into clashes that prompted blocking folks, and coded tirades about some other Facebook individual. Peoples fears, negative outlooks, paranoid rantings, and just plain bitching and moaning incessantly became rampant. I myself managed to get sucked into all of that, as I would participate in political discussions that turned ugly, get into discussions that were tense, and sometimes full of exclamation points, and just plain be engaged in reporting negative aspects of my own life. I have always been someone who is pretty positive, but I could feel myself being drawn into this fake world which for some, became their real world. And I looked back at some of my conversations that I engaged in here, I realized that I was slowly adapting traits that I couldn't stand, such as feeling like I needed to conflict, because person X doesn't get it, feeling that I needed to post that I was pissed off about something, or feeling that I needed to state my opinion to things just because. This was not me at all, so I took a step back, and even considered leaving this entity. I didn't really want to do that just yet, because I made, and remade so many friends here, that it would be a shame. So I decided to just take a step back and see if I could really see just what was happening here. I stopped engaging in political conversations, I halted posting negative aspects of my life, and I just stuck to what I love most which is music, and post that. I wanted my page to look like me again, and  I wanted to throw positivity out into the world again, and help to make Facebook what I thought it was going to be,

Facebook has radically changed, because it is now a jaded and given aspect of the day for many. It has become a psychiatrist for some, ideological bumper sticker for some, source of information about current events for some, Singles bar for still others, and angry forum for ranting about the world for still others. But the one thing that has grown since the time that I first got on, is the negativity. The negativity, and anger that people possess always amazes me, and their intolerance of others in the world, and the inability of some to engage in a constructive conversation rears its ugly head here loud and clear, as the buffer of a keyboard is their fortress of confidence to say any, and everything that comes to mind without thinking, or without fear. Are there positive people here? absolutely, and no one's life is perfect, nor should people feel they need to post goody two shoes statuses always. But the overwhelming fact is that the real world is a nasty, cruel, angry place, and those aspects have been ensconced  firmly within these cyber hallways of Facebook. It is just as bad here as watching the news, sometimes worse, because it is more personal. I have been called names by people who don't even know me, and been "un-friended" and blocked simply because individuals would do that in real life on a whim if they could.

So after taking a step back, and getting very discouraged with what my perception was, I secretly wished that for one day, everyone could just be positive, uplifting, and inspirational to one another. Once again, I believe we are all connected, and now with Facebook, and other networks, it is even more so. But why throw so much negative feelings out. Negativity is like Cancer. Once there, if unchecked, it will metastasize into even more powerful negativity, destroying everything in its path. We all have so much power that we don't realize. The power to heal, encourage, inspire, and yes throw positivity into the universe which is also contagious and can spread. So I decided that I could do one of three things.1)Either just roll my eyes at the negativity, and just keep my end of the cyber world clean, 2)Get off of here, and forget the whole thing, or 3)Try to put something out there that might make it better.
I chose #3. Try to put something out there at the risk of getting my head chopped off by ridicule, and people that may think that I am trying to be the Facebook Gestapo. People may think I am nuts, self righteous, pompous, or arrogant. I am neither. I am just someone who loves people, and ideas. And the idea that I love the most is that we all can get along, and share,  and be positive..Of course not all the time, as I am based in reality, but the simple idea of just one day on here away from negativity, hemming and hawing, finger pointing, whining, and politics is a nice concept as far as I am concerned. Who knows..If people like it, maybe it could happen once a year. But at any rate, I am putting this concept of "Just One Day" out there.

If someone doesn't want to participate, then that is their right, and I don't begrudge them for that. They have their reasons. For the people that do want to participate, please share the event, if you would like, and invite friends to join. I will be there if it is only myself. If no one were to join, I would still do it, and enjoy it. The line in "Hey Jude" says, "The movement you need is on your shoulders". If what is on your shoulders is positive, and full of inspiration, then only good things can come of it. If it is negative, and full of angst...Well you know the rest.
So that is my reason for this event..Just trying to throw some positivity into a troubled world..I hope there isn't anything wrong with that, or asking for help from my fellow human beings.
Thank you to all who took the time to read this, and/or participate on June 1st for Just One Day.
M.A.Perry 3rd

A Lesson In Laughter

During my visit to my Grandparents down in Virginia a few weeks ago, I was once again given an important lesson by my Grandmother, who proved  again two very important things: 1)She's not too old to give a life lesson, and 2)I'm not too old to receive one. I happened to be in the kitchen, when my mother and cousin came in the room looking for a piece of paper, and pen. They saw me and asked how old I was..I told them, and then they exclaimed that my Grandmother was saying a different number than what I was saying, and they wanted to show her the math to prove her wrong. While they were looking, I went in my Grandmother's room and asked her how old she thinks I am..She said the correct number. My mother and cousin did not hear her say the correct answer to me, and were hellbent on showing her the math to something she already correctly stated..They were flustered thinking that the woman was losing it, and for a second I was thinking that also, until she winked at me with a smile. I knew right then that she was having fun with my mother and cousin, and knew exactly how old I was, but even though she was slower moving, and couldn't do as many physical things as she used to, her mind was sharp, and she was enjoying creating chaos, and making everyone except me think that she was forgetful, and losing her faculties. I laughed with her, and left the room, enjoying the chaos myself, as I could hear her arguing with my mother and cousin, who now had a piece of paper for proof of my age. I found it highly amusing that this woman who raised me, still loved to have whatever fun tricking and poking family members any way she could to keep folks on their toes. Nothing more endearing than an 87 year old woman creating mischief.

During the drive home, I thought about that moment, and understood an important lesson that was given me by my Grandmother..Grow older, but have fun, and don't grow old. Too many times we take life so seriously, and can't get out of our own way as we get older, because we forgot what it was like to play. Playing doesn't have to be on a playground, or even physically running and jumping. Playing is understanding that life, as serious as it is, needs moments of relief when silliness, and laughter are needed to break up moments that are heavy, and depressive. Live long enough, and there will be plenty of tears, disappointments, and times where life isn't fun. And as you get older, you are expected to be a serious example to look to, and some of that is true...But there is also the part in life where even as a mature adult, the moment may require laughter, mild chaos of loving trickery, and playfulness, to shake things up, and keep ones mind fresh, and ideas youthful. That is what is needed to make smiles happen, and to remind us that life is to be lived before it's over.

My Grandmother understands this, and continues to joke, and create confusion, just because she can, and enjoys seeing folks scramble a little. The wink told me everything I needed to know and more. Life is fun. That is basically what she was telling me, and has always told me from the time I was a little boy. Growing older is a privilege. You should conduct yourself as an adult, with adult sensibilities, but never ever lose the playfulness that you can convey to others where you can make someone smile, either through a joke, or loving ribbing. This doesn't mean acting like an idiot. Some people get this idea confused with acting like a 20 year old when they are 50. That is not it at all. Having fun with adult sensibilities means still having dignity, respect for others, and abandoning foolish things for clever things. Not running amok like an idiot, still reaching back for youth, but accepting your maturity, and displaying that aspect 3 Dimensionally.

If you can maintain a certain sense of wonder, and playfulness, then the world and all that's in it will never be boring to you. I can't stand to hear someone say that they are bored nowadays with all of the technology available at their disposal..You can drive somewhere, walk somewhere, play some silly video game on your phone, call someone, or even watch TV from almost anywhere you want. Think of how people in 1900 lived. Think you are bored now??? The wonders of the world are all around, and laughter is all around wherever you choose to make it. As we grow older, and life becomes more serious, it is even more important to keep a sense of humor, and playfulness, because nothing is guaranteed. You could easily walk out of your house, and never come back because of something tragic. I personally don't know how people would remember me if that happened to me tomorrow, but I certainly want some of the people to remember me with a smile, and remember incidences where laughter was shared.

I think that my grandmother was trying to do that very thing. Create a memory where we can look back in the future like I did when I was driving, and smile. She had so much fun creating that chaos that I couldn't help but laugh out loud as I write this. Live life  full of love and laughter, and create a little healthy mischief, is what she was saying with that wink and smile to me. And just when I reach a point in life where I think I've got a little wisdom, I realize just how much more there is to get...Lesson learned..Once again from my Grandmother.

Derailment: Runanway trains of thought

I write this Blog from a point of annoyance because there are definitely behaviors out there that are aggravating to say the least. Yes we are all different people with different perspectives on life, and as I have stated many times over and over again, I am not the holder of all knowledge, nor am I even close. I put thoughts out there, and comments to certain conversations with the idea that I can either add something to someone's perspective, or gain some knowledge from someone else. I may not know how to do everything, but what I do know how to do is stay on the subject at hand, and not derail a subject for my own personal agenda. If something is presented, it can be dissected exactly as is, and not torn apart, and deflected onto something it is not.

Those of us who go on Youtube, or check out news stories online usually read comments after the story. Usually the first two or three comments pertains directly to the story, but then someone comes along and makes a comment that pertains not to the story, but to something completely different. So by the time the thread is finished, it has nothing to do with the matter at hand. I have seen beautiful videos of musical performances go from the conversation about the music, down to petty arguments about politics, race, or personal attacks on other people who commented, and the essence of what something was about gets lost completely, while the dialogue between people lingers in the toilet. My experiences with people have told me time and time again that they want to be heard, and understood. That is important and noble, and part of our nature as human beings, but there is definitely a way to relate to people and knowing when and where to inject something that one feels strongly about as opposed to just sticking with the script of subject at hand. This behavior doesn't necessarily make someone bad, it's just an indication of a certain lack of knowledge about how to approach certain topics with restraint, and not bombast. It is important to have a strong opinion..But even more important to know just when and where to apply that opinion to whatever train requires it.

People see what they want to see within the realm of things, and that is just a fact, but where the problem lies is that most people are quick to point out and be vocal about everything they don't like, instead of being positive and stating passionately about things they love. The focus on negative aspects of life and the willingness of some to perpetuate it, permeates through everyone trying to bring things together. This may not even be intentional, but the truth of the matter is that some people may not be able to stay on point. They see or hear something, and are easily swayed, diverted, and tossed off the train of thought by their own visceral feelings about something. And there is nothing wrong with having feelings about something, but there is a time to launch that mode within its own context. Some folks derail subjects sometimes out of spite, and sometimes not because they feel that their agenda pertains to the subject when it really doesn't. But that is how they may see it, and that becomes more of the problem than anything else, because the train will always go off the tracks when someone can't see the rails that they are on.

It takes a great amount of courage to put your thoughts and ideas , and whatever else you have of yourself out there, because you become vulnerable to scrutiny, and questioning of others, that can easily turn into berating, and bashing. Diversified ideas are as important as anything because the key word is "growth" and we are all in need of growth, and are all works in progress. So when there is a subject at hand, for a lot of folks they see the opportunity to enlighten someone when that should actually not be the goal. The goal should be to state something within the context of dialogue so that the reward is perhaps "getting" enlightenment and not giving it. When someone takes a subject off point, and derails it, it stands no chance to blossom, or grow into the minds of those discussing because now the energy is focused on something entirely different, or focused on the negativity of someone thinking a certain way. I can't stress enough that the ability of people to get along depends upon us riding on the same train tracks, and not someone flipping a switch, and separating the cars. There is a train for every conversation, and one has to not make themselves an annoying passenger that causes the train to derail off of particular thought process. It may not be about you...Don't make it so.

The bottom line and purpose of this Blog is to just to plead folks to stay on point, and not create chaos..Because that is just what a derailed train of thought does. It creates absolute chaos where people will argue, ridicule, and not speak to one another in a civil manner because the subject has been tarnished, and thrown to the curb. People give up because to them dialogue is useless, because they feel that the topic won't stay around long enough to be solved during the derailing process. There is nothing worse than a derailed train hurtling across the conversation void, all  because someone saw themselves as the conductor, and not the subject itself. Don't see things that you want to see. See what is there, because what is there is probably worthy of its own train of thought. And when the train leaves the station, please sit with the other passengers.

Piece Of My Heart: The give and take of human interaction

For most of us, our everyday lives produces one word that is slightly different every day.  That word is "Interaction". It is our basic form of communication and dealing with others that produces good or bad feelings on both an intellectual and visceral level on a daily basis. Whether it's exchanging money with a cashier, dealing with co workers, or standing in line in the supermarket, unless you are a hermit, there is no getting around some sort of interaction. We as humans can be funny creatures..We can be prickly, aloof, temperamental, and just downright rude to each other. Because of the bad seeds all around us, it is sometimes an effort for some people to be friendly, because they believe that their friendliness will lead to people perceiving them as weak, and trying to "get" something from them. Everybody knows just how exhausting it is trying to deal with people like this because they are out there, but not everyone is this way. We are all guarded in a sense, because we have been trained to look out for, and be proactive against that type of behavior, which makes the interaction sometimes jaded. People tend to get cynical and jaded because that's where the world sometimes has led us, and it is easier to hold off a piece of yourself, clutching it for all you are worth, because we think that people will steal something, or that some vulnerability of ours will cost us in the future. But in order for us to truly be able to understand and appreciate one another, that is what precisely what has to happen.

The part of my personal make up that I most proud of is my not only desire, but ability to talk to different people. I have the good fortune to know many different people on familiar levels. The people I am fortunate to know range from the head of companies to Truck drivers, from Cops, Clergy and lawyers, to Bikers, and DOT workers..All races, ethnic backgrounds, sexual orientations, and people from all political sides. I am happy to say that I have conversed with, laughed and shared jokes and stories with, debated issues with, and relayed personal thoughts with a wide array of folks, and those situations have enriched me in ways that I can't ever calculate. I try my best to treat everyone the same way, but the nuances of interactions are on their particular levels. My approach to one person doesn't work with another. Some people require a laid back approach of interaction, while yet others require a brash up front raucous approach. Each person is an individual, and unique in their own way, and by paying attention to what they say, and how they say it, makes interaction for me one of the most pleasurable things that I get out of life. There is so much to learn from so many people, that interaction is completely intertwined with growth of self. There is a true art to interaction, as it is a process no matter how brief. We make impacts and ripples everyday by how we conduct ourselves wen dealing with others. Those impacts and ripples begin with the art. What is the crux of the art? It is simple...Giving a piece of yourself, while taking a piece of others.

True interaction no matter how brief requires a meeting of spirits. Whether you just say hello to someone in line in a store, or have a meaningful conversation with a friend, you have opened up a window. Inside the window is the heart and soul of us, and the nuts and bolts of just what makes us tick. The truth of the matter is that we are all unfinished works, and someone else may have the parts that we need to add to the machinery. It is not required that you be completely vulnerable since that is reserved for the closest amongst you. Even that is a challenge since we all have walls that come into play, and surround us when we feel threatened, mistrustful, or damaged. But the little opening of the window can lead to finding the piece of yourself in others and using it, as you leave something of yourself for someone else to ponder. I am a big believer that as I talk to people during my travels, I gain knowledge from everyone. I try to listen to what their voice sounds like, I imagine what their experiences must have been like, and yes sometimes I get my wish to find these things out, as people seem to feel comfortable telling me about themselves. I cannot just be a taker, which means since they were giving me some of what they are about, I try to do the same, and create ripples. So much rides on the ability to be just a little vulnerable so that we can be emotional voyeurs to one another. the more we see behind the window, the more we begin to truly understand just how much we are alike. We begin to gain mutual respect, admiration, and acknowledgment that each individual has a unique story to tell, and that story has relevance within the context of our own lives. That is the piece that we take..The piece that we leave with someone is who we are, as a child of the universe, and as an individual, and where we stand. All of this that takes place doesn't have to be obtained from a deep conversation. The simple brief encounters can ring true in such ways that it is all figured out and exchanged in literally seconds. A smile, a "Hello how are you?" A sharing a laugh of something funny, or a brief talk about weather all can be important glimpses into someone, and an opportunity for you to understand, and be understood.

With this 21st century way of communicating with one another, the art of interaction seems to be waning, and people although connected mechanically, are disconnected emotionally and spiritually. Technology has a strange way of having an adverse effect on those who want to connect with others, because the connection has no eyes, and no soul. That is why it is so important to still converse, shake hands, smile, and see where another person stands. We need to all have pieces of each other, if we are to truly progress as understanding people of the universe. We will then be able to be the heart and souls of one another..Sounds campy and naive, but I can remember many incidents where I was not liked because of my color, or whatever reason someone had. After interaction and giving them something of myself, those ill feelings were eradicated, as it became just me. And when that happened, I was able to learn just why someone thought the way they did, and I could understand, while in the process of helping them to understand. And all of a sudden we were just people..Not symbols, or ideas..But individuals who wanted the same things out of life..that's the power of interaction. I try to do some of this every time out there, because I believe in the power of interaction, and just what positive ripple effects it can produce..
So come on..Take another little piece of my heart...And I'll take some of yours..
So many people..So much to learn, and so little time...Let's open the windows.

Taught And Sold: Buying into teachable moments

The definition of the word "Teach" means to impart knowledge or skill, or to give instruction. A synonym of that means to "Inform, Enlighten, or School in some sort of manner". Which means one thing..There is supposed to be an absorption of knowledge that was once not there, and it is supposed to be used in a manner that will be beneficial in the future. There are times in our lives where we will be given new knowledge, or a variation of old knowledge, or information based upon people and moments that Criss Cross our lives, and make us who we are. Since we are all works in progress, we should always be on the lookout for these moments because they happen not only within our lives, but within the lives of others, and within events and happenings all around us that we can use as gauges of thought process. The teacher doesn't have to be an individual, as most times it seems, but the teacher that can give you the most enlightenment "Bang for your buck" can be moments in life that you can observe from the outside. Things that take place, and things that happen to other people can be a valuable lesson in how you react to your own particular situations, life events, and conflicts within those frameworks. Not only can these happenings benefit one person, if given an opportunity, they can benefit whole groups of people on different levels, because the identification of something can be an important lesson for future reference. And seeing how things can go wrong, is always a great motivation for laying the groundwork for things to go right.

The problem time and time again is one thing: The mouth. In order for something to be taught, and the receivers to learn, that means people have to just shut up long enough to think. The problem with us humans is that no matter how civilized, and dignified we claim ourselves to be, we are still emotionally driven, and prone to fits of flying off the handle, and shooting from the hip instead of taking a step back and rationally analyzing things. It is truly hard for teachable moments to occur when mouths are open, because that means that no one is listening or watching. That means that because of the din of noisemakers, nothing will get taught, and the thing that was once a teachable moment and preventable again, becomes full blown chaos with an ever increasing chance of repeating itself. This doesn't mean everyone. There are people who really do try to learn, in these moments, understand what the true essence is, and try to impart that knowledge to others, but because of the sheer vocal volume of a visceral few, these moments get lost, and the moment of people truly learning how to deal with the dynamics of one another gets lost within fear, anger, idiotic statements that cause mistrust, and bring old wounds to the surface. No one ever said that learning from these moments was easy, but it certainly doesn't have to be as hard and complex as it gets.

When dealing with people there is one thing certain..There will always be loudmouths, instigators, troublemakers, and attention seekers ready to drag situations and everyone else down to the only level of which they can relate to other people and situations. They claim that they are speaking their mind, but in reality, there is no mind process at all. There is a transmission of what they see, and hear that goes straight to their mouth. Even with the social networks such as Facebook, and Twitter, where a person has the advantage of thinking before they type something in, there still is no shortage of idiotic incendiary statements that don't help moments where perhaps a collective solution could happen for something when people come together. People just don't think before opening their mouths. Now I'm not saying that one has to walk on eggshells, and speaking ones mind should be respected, and admired, because as the saying goes, "If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything." But there is a way to effectively present ideas, conduct constructive conflict, and dialogue that is passionate, and thought provoking without idiocy, and belittling. Not only that, but this approach leaves yourself open to be taught, and grow. There is no growth to be had within the emotions of hatred, fear, paranoia, and acts of scapegoating.

There are moments all around us when we can say, "Here is the crux of the matter" and solve that, while leaving out the fluff of peripheral distractions that people have a tendency to get emotional about. It winds up not about the situation, but about them. I have heard so many people say about a situation, "Well I'm so pissed, if that was me, I would...." Well that's the first mistake because that really isn't empathy, it is insertion of ones self into a situation, and that response is probably not the best response. And that can do nothing except elicit emotion and then desire to be validated by others, so all of a sudden, you have 40 people creating chaos instead of one. No one can get taught if everyone thinks they are doing the teaching. The classroom becomes unruly, and no one gets an A because the fire alarm was pulled, forcing everybody to abandon the process of absorption.

With all the teachable moments that happen in our lives and all around us, what is being taught? Patience, Forgiveness, Tolerance..When to be silent, and when to speak up, constructive conflict, dialogue, how to deal with situations and people in a respectful manner, understanding who to associate with, and who to stay away from, and a host of other things that would make any person receptive to these teachings a well rounded 3 dimensional person. I am personally always amazed when people I know, and don't know seem to get dragged into the same situations that they said they would never in a million years be caught at again, or the same situations happen on the news that continue to happen over and over, like some insane instant replay. It seems that us as humans are just too stubborn to accept being taught by other people, moments in time, and situations. The same approach is destined for the same failure. It is in those teachable moments that defines who we are as people, and whether or not we can finally come together for the greater good of each other. We are all connected, and all part of a greater whole of what is around us. Good feelings spread quickly, but bad feelings are like jet fuel, igniting all around it. We must all take the time to shut up, listen, observe, and be taught, if we are to ever advance as individuals, and people as a whole.

 So take a step back before opening your mouth, and open your mind instead to think, and engage yourself in an assessment of what is happening, versus what appears to be happening, or what you want to happen. If you don't do any of those things, then whether it be an event in your life, in someone else's life, or some tragic event that destroys all hope of good will, it will have been a teachable moment where someone somewhere will shake their head and say...
."When will we ever learn?"